fed up being snapped at by pregnant sister

[squidandchips]

I dont post very often but i need to get this one of my chest.

My sister is overdue, second child. I love her to bitsm and was thrilled for them when they found out.

I have three children myself, all teenagers so i seem to have passed the baby zone.

I am fed up with her being so mardy, always snapping and having a go, always insisting that its her way or no way, behaving as if she is the only woman to have been pregnant, when all i am doing is loving them.

Am i being unreasonable to feel like being rude back, rather than constantly holding back. When baby is born, would i be wrong to say "thats nice" and not go up there with the £100's of gifts i have bought for them? Would it be wrong for me to stay away until i was invited to visit the new child?

[pjmama]

Have you told her you're sick of having your head bitten off? If you've not told her she's upsetting you then yes, YABU to sulk and withold gifts and visits without explanation.

Talk to her - she's grumpy and fed up and taking it out on those nearest and dearest. Understandable, but not acceptable.

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

Has she been stroppy and mardy the whole way through? Or is it just now she's so big and so hot and so fed up? Cos it's crappy this bit, isn't it? We all snap at our loved ones. I bet you did too.

Am interested in your "when all I am doing is loving them". What are you doing? When she's snapping and saying it's her way - all you're doing is loving them? By doing what?

By all means though, tell her! She's your sister! You're not that close if you can't say "Oi, snappy-puss! rein it in a bit."

So, before I can decide if you are unreasonable or not - I need to know if she's 'overdue-snappy' or whole pregnancy snappy. And what you've been doing 'loving them' wise to make her snap that she wants to do things her way.

[FindingMyMojo]

".... when all i am doing is loving them."
maybe you are loving them too much?

That plus your comment re not taking the £100's of pounds of gifts you have brought makes me feel a little strange - you are perhaps overreacting and being childish? or there is more going on here not included in your post.

YANBU to let you sister know she's taking the piss & to ask her to back off re snapping at you.

YABU to sit on your high horse after the baby comes, holding tight to your expensive gifts to 'show her' or punish her for being snappy while pregnant. After all you "love her to bits & are thrilled for her".

[squidandchips]

Shes been really hormonal all the way through to be honest. I tend not to say too much because i have learnt not to, it just causes problems.

I do totally understand how she feels. I think the problem is, i have had my babies, i have moved onto the next stage of my life and i dont think i am being much support. I mean things change dont they, standard procedures, ladies beliefs etc change. I mean had all three in hospital, two were induced all were late. But she believes that she will go as long as it take and she is going to have baby at home. Things change dont they?

I think the problem is i wasnt around when she had number one, and we are so totally different in the way we deal with things, and our life experiences.

It is possible i am overracting, but thats why i ask i surpose. Its not the value of the things, i love picking things up for all of them, i am always buying stuff, taking them all out for dinner etc....i do that because i want too and i can, and i did it before she got pregnant.

Like i say i step back bacause if i question simple things like "will you consider an induction if it goes too long" i get snapped at and made to feel like i dont know how women give birth these days.

I just think i could have been much more support to her, and her family, if i was allowed too. I get the feeling that they find me more of a pain in the arse than any help at all.

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

maybe you shouldn't question things? I am sure you don't mean to, but to a pregnant hormonal woman, perhaps your 'question(ing) simple things" sounds a lot like criticism?

And I'm not saying you are a pain in the arse, but if you're getting that vibe, the first thing you should do, always, is examine your own behaviour and see if - honestly - there is anything in it.

Then you can look at their behaviour.

[FindingMyMojo]

You don't have to be the 'know-it-all-about-birth-etc' older sister. A brief look around on MN will paint a very clear picture for you - most women do not want unsolicited advice re birth/babies etc. Maybe you come across a bit know it all and that is threatening & can be very annoying.

But it sounds to me like you just want to support her and feel included. So why not think about how she might want you to support her? Rather than imposing on her what you think she needs?

Let's face it this weather can make any pregnant woman snappish, not to mention one that is overdue.

Sorry OP not meaning to be harsh above - the 'induction' question would make me want to throttle most people. No doubt she has not much else on her mind than being overdue and how it will pan out. Your question was not supportive and I can see how she was harrassed by it - can you see that?

[FindingMyMojo]

dashing home now but quickly off top of head - things a sister can do to be really supportive to overdue sister:

foot rub with cooling lotion?
pedicure? manicure?
drive her somewhere for a nice long walk with a little picnic?
rub her back/shoulders?
pick up groceries?
cook some meals for family freezer?
buy her a magazine/book?
make her laugh & FORGET about baby being overdue for a few minutes?
refrain from giving advice on any sensitive subjects!

[squidandchips]

okey dokey ladies thanks for that.

Wont talk about it anymore!

God i am glad i have had my children because i couldnt cope with all those hormones again!

[squidandchips]

I surpose thinking about it, this is the circle of life thing isnt it.

When i had my first child, i got all of the "i know better" comments, which if i remember right i just took because in actual fact they did know more than me, i was a teenage mum.

I wasnt around when her first child was born so i am probably annoying her because she didnt experience this last time. Especially from her only sister.

One day, when her children have children, she might have to be told to step back too. But on the plus side i have learnt that lesson this time, and hopefully when my children have children, or if sister has any more, i will be more prepared to just stay out of it, and keep said mouth shut!

Dont get me wrong i have not been telling her how to do things, just asking questions.

Bring on the wine