to want people to understand the difference between PTSD and PND?

[loopyloops]

I was pregnant with twins, one was stillborn, the other born prematurely. She is fine now, but obviously the past year has been difficult to say the least. I am being treated for post traumatic stress disorder, as I have flashbacks to the day I was told / had the caesarian and some other symptoms.
The problem is that I was due to go back to work recently but due to the PTSD I have been signed off. Work are being fine about it, but friends and family hear the word "post" and think it's post-natal depression "what? the baby blues, shouldn't that be over by now?" etc. It's starting to make me a little cross, and I have to explain every time that it isn't the same thing. Anyone any suggestion of a short reply that means I avoid having to go through the whole thing again and again?

btw, I'm not saying that PND isn't awful, but it just is an entirely different thing.

[slushy]

I am sorry to hear about your twins and sorry that people don't understand It has nothing to do with it being post baby I had PTSD when I was 15 and people still said things like snap out of it.

[Lynli]

I am so sorry you have had such an awful time. I think people often don't understand depression what ever form it takes. If you had PND it would still be inappropriate to say you "the baby blues you should be over it by now."

You could say that you are suffering from trauma.

[thumbwitch]

Agree with Lynli - say you were severely traumatised. Leave out the whole post and depression/disorder thingy - traumatised covers it. Anyone who then goes on to say you should be over it/snap out of it is a loon with the sensitivity of a plank and should be ignored thoroughly.

[scurryfunge]

Have you tried nomorepanic website? It is quite useful for PTSD.

[loopyloops]

Thank you all. I'm just a bit touchy, is all.

Scurry, thanks, I'll have a look a that website.

[Kaloki]

I think you have every reason to be touchy! No one should say things like "shouldn't you be over it yet?"

Hope you are doing ok!

[LittleMissHissyFit]

you've been through a real tragedy, of course you're going to need time to recover. It's a good idea to change your terminology, however the trouble is stress, depression, traumatised, and all the terms used to describe real suffering are so over used that it may not even achieve the clarification you need. I do hope you are able to get through to them, and to find some calm and peace. Thinking of you, please come back and shout if we can help you?

[SirBoobAlot]

People never know how to react when you mention something that is based in the mind. Really sorry you're going through this - the people you have spoken to are arseholes, and am so angry to read they are supposedly the friends and family supporting you.

So sorry for your loss. x

[ArseHolio]

Sorry you went though such a hard time and that you lost one of your twins

It is quite possible to be suffering from PTSD without being depressed.

I cant help you regarding what to say to anyone, I am open by nature and found talking about how I was feeling when i was in the grips of PTSD realy helpfull. There is no 'should be over it by now' You will start feeling better in your own time.

Have a premature baby is terrifying and losing one is just about the worst thing that can happen to a women. If you family are pushing you to 'get over it' then I think you are right to be annoyed. Let them have both barrels. You don't have to be polite.

[Jacksmama]

How about saying "I'm sorry my shock, trauma and grief aren't operating along your timeline"?

and for you. People who say things like that are utter fuckwits.

[loopyloops]

Thanks all.

That's the thing, ArseHolio, I'm so clearly not depressed (thank goodness). /you'd think they could see the difference.

[ArseHolio]

I was never depressed either but people seemed to be quite disbelievng of that fact.

Your family wouldn't know the difference if it punched them on the nose People just don't know what to day to someone suffering mental illness. My Mum is a nurse and didn't know what to say to me. I think you eithe rhave to have actual personal experience or have been trained to be any use at all to someone suffering from mental health issues.

Are you family being really bad ?

Are you starting to feel any better at all ?

[Oblomov]

Sorry to read this OP. I love Jacksmama's post. but even that could still be taken as 'goodness, she's a bit touchy'. which you don't want either. as others have said people don't know what to say, have no understanding.
people asked if i was depressed. i wasn't and didn't fit the profile at all. but by god i was struggling. due to tangible reasons.even on MN the idea of PND is banded around a bit too trigger-happy-ish, for my liking. i am not sure what can be done to make this any better. but you have our sympathies.

[maristella]

first of all i'm so sorry for your loss
what a tough time you've had, and you need to find your way through it your way and in your own good time.

now the technical bit:
Depression is a withdrawal from life, activity etc to preserve limited emotional resources.
PND is often caused by turbulent hormone changes, major lifestyle change etc
PTSD is a reaction to a traumatic event, and may include elements of severe anxiety and the minds way of avoiding the trauma recurring.
Grief is a complex response to loss of a loved one, and is made up of all sorts of elements individual to you and what you've suffered.

anyone who expects you to skip through any of the above really hasn't got a clue.
you've been through so much, and need to work through it in your own time.
wishing you all the best

[loopyloops]

AH - no, my family aren't being really bad, but they don't think that I have a problem, I guess because I'm not depressed. DH thinks I'm seeing the psychoanalyst to get my sick note. My mother said "well as long as you don't believe them that you've got a problem then there's no harm in going". I've only told a few friends because of the initial reactions I had.
Last week was DD's birthday, so first anniversary of lostDD's death. Very few people have mentioned it at all. I don't want to bring it up in case it makes them uncomfortable, but sometimes I wish I could talk more openly. It has been a hard couple of weeks.

[thumbwitch]

loopyloops - are you on the bereaved mummy thread? If not, do go over there and talk to them - no one will understand your situation better than they do as they have all lost DC at various stages and will be more than happy to talk to you and let you talk.

Not that we aren't - but they have been there themselves - it can make it a bit easier to offload when others totally get where you're coming from.

[thumbwitch]

here it is if you haven't already found it - and I do apologise for calling it the bereaved "mummy" thread - it's for all parents, grandparents and family who have lost a child.

[loopyloops]

Thanks for your suggestion, but I can't, it makes me cry. Same as I can't post on the twin forum that I loved, can't join TAMBA for their bereavement support, and can't post on SANDS. It hurts too much.

[thumbwitch]

oh lovey, so sorry. Then post away here if it helps - talk all you like when you want to.
Is the counselling helping you to come to terms with what happened at all?

[Jacksmama]

((((HUG))))

[hellymelly]

loopyloops I am so sorry you have lost your baby.I had PTSD (for a quite different reason)and it is hard and exhausting,but in my case is has got much better over time.You have the added grief of losing your child and obviously that will always be with you,she will always be with you,but the PTSD symptoms will ease and things will get better.I think in general people are a bit hopeless with grief,they don't mean to be unkind,quite the opposite,they just don't know how to deal with it,the comments about PND sound very thoughtless and insensitive,and quite strange,given as these people all know you've lost a child.I would just say "I have Post Traumatic Stress disorder,caused by the trauma i went through,it is different from PND." and suggest they google it.
Happy birthday to your other dd.

[loopyloops]

Not yet but I hope it will in time. It's not counselling but psychotherapy, which brings things up before they can be resolved, which I guess is part of the reason I'm struggling a bit more now.

I'm sorry to clutter up the AIBU threads when there is a designated one already. I know that's not what you're saying but I do appreciate that for some people it might be annoying.

Anyway, bedtime for me. And thank you all so much for your support. I've found MN generally not as supportive (read:ever-so-slightly bitchy) as the twins forum that I was a member of, but I'm glad I posted this now as you have all been a great help and now I'm very glad of MN.

[thumbwitch]

g'night loopy - sleep well. Come back and post any time. And if you want to try something else as well as your psychotherapy (which can indeed be quite traumatic in its own right) then have a look at this article on EFT - emotional freedom technique - very good for PTSD for any reason.

[loopyloops]

Goodnight, and thanks again. And really sorry if that last post sounded off (), I've just been a little surprised at some of the threads on here over the past couple of days.

Thanks again.

[Jacksmama]

I'm frequently surprised at MN threads but I appear to be addicted... I think we all know what you mean.

For myself, I've started threads on stuff that I need to talk about even though there is a Birth Trauma Support Thread. I have read a small part of it but have never been able to bring myself to post on it because I'm afraid I would fall apart (and I've had penty o'counselling!!). If anyone ever told me "there's a Birth Trauma Support Thread for that sort of thing" I'd be seriously narked.