to think that it isn't just the nursing homes fault?

[paranoidmother]

A lady who i've got as a friend on facebook has put on her status tonight

Lord take care of my daddy. I just found out
yesterday that my dad pass away. The nursing home didn't contact us!!!
He pass away 7 months ago and I found out on the internet

So all her closer friends are saying how awful the Nursing home are. I figured isn't she the awful one for not having any contact with her father or the nursing home for the last 7 months!! He died before Christmas so she didn't even try to send anything for Christmas or go see him or contact him.

Obviously knew where he was and the Nursing home knew where they were. She has now posted messages about how wonderful he is and how he will be missed. Sorry but hasn't she missed him in the last 7 months.

Rant over, what do you think?

[sharbiebowtiesarecool]

that's very sad

[lal123]

it is very sad - and that she wouldn't even have phoned him to see how he was during those 7 months. In fact - if he dies 7 mtonsh ago she might not have been in touch for some time before that.

though - how would you find out this info on the internet??

[julybutterfly]

Did nobody in the family know he'd died?? Did the nursing home not contact anybody to arrange a funeral etc?

How bizarre

[paisleyleaf]

How odd. Surely the next of kin would have had to deal with arrangements.

[IamBatman]

oh thats so sad. I think the nursing home should have called her but maybe since they hadn't seen her in such a long time they didn't know how to contact her.She should have been in touch with the man if she loved him so much.
how did she find out?

[paranoidmother]

Nope nobody in the Nursing home contacted them and Nursing home had their details and they knew where the Dad was to!!

I don't know why she was looking it up on internet unless looking at the Nursing home website.

Couldn't ask as didn't want to sound really harsh and want to know why they hadn't contacted him

[minibmw2010]

I guess its quite conceivable that he had other next of kin and it sounds like she wasn't particularly close to him anyway. All very sad though.

[TheCrackFox]

I have a friend who works in a care home and she says most residents never get any visitors which I find very sad.

The nursing home had a duty of care to inform the next of kin but similarly the daughter should have (unless he was completely vile) to have tried to keep in touch with her Dad.

[minibmw2010]

The Nursing Home obviously contacted somebody or he couldn't have been buried, etc. so its very likely that the actual next of kin decided not to contact her (for whatever reason).

[onepieceoflollipop]

I am really bemused as to how she found out on the internet (and perhaps I am reading this wrong) the Home had somehow published this information.

It is a very sad situation.

I have many years of nursing experience. In the case of a death in a home/hospital the next of kin are always notified. (very, very rarely the person won't have someone but I have never personally known this)

It is likely that your friend was not the next of kin, or perhaps her father had nominated someone else.

Once the home had notified the nominated person, they would not take it upon themselves to ring/contact other assorted relatives. It just wouldn't be appropriate or even achievable.

It is not for us (imo) to judge this woman or her father; who knows what may have gone on in the past. She is clearly and understandably having mixed emotions (anger, guilt, regret, sadness perhaps) and needs to "blame" someone.

[paranoidmother]

you're right it is all very strange. Will probably never know the real story behind it all as we're not close enough for me to have a chat with her about it in depth.

[Hulababy]

I am asusming that she found out via the internet after seeing thenews online of either a friend or family member's website/FB/social network, etc.

Also assuming that someone else other than her, was down as next of kin - and that the nursing home contacted them, not her.

[fruitshootsandheaves]

At the moment I visit my dad in his care home every week, but he has only been there 2 months and actually has no idea that I visit that regularly. Last week he said to me 'do you know that fruitshoots hasn't visited for about a year!' although he does usually know who I am.

It is distressing, he usually cries alot, does not make much sense and I feel completely drained by the end of the visit.
I can see how people would not want to visit as often. It just seems to upset them when you do go.

However the carehome contact me whenever they have a query or if dad is complaining of any pain, incidents etc so I can't understand how anyone that close wouldn't find out for 7 months!