to try to find a full time out of the house job asap so I don't have to entertain my two DSs alone for 8 weeks over the summer?

[livethedream]

They are nearly 2 and nearly 4. DS is usually at playgroup 5 mornings awake but it's a training day today so they're both at home together.

Oh my god, they fight. It is so tedious, I am just constantly refereeing between them - no matter what games/activities I set up, they bicker and argue and physically hurt each other. DS1 sneakily tries to hit his brother or tread on his toes whereas DS2 retaliates by biting him so hard it nearly breaks the skin.

There will be 8 weeks between DS1 finishing playgroup and starting school. If we were minted and DH didn't work we could have a lovely time. But here in the real world it's just me and I'm skint and it's going to be a real struggle to think of somethign free to do every single day for 8 weeks. That's 56 days.

I have no idea if I could find a job that would pay enough to put them both with a childminder all summer but my god, I woudl probably run at a loss to get out of 8 whole weeks of these two.

Does this make m e a terrible mother? My mother thinks I should savour every second as these are the best years ever, which I find a bit demoralising. (And it rankles, as she ran off when me and my brother were this age!)

[gingernutlover]

YANBU to dread it, I know that feeling, although it will not all be hard for the whole 8 weeks. I am a teacher and it has been really hard since having dd, I was so used to having 6 weeks of me time in the summer and now I have 6 weeks solid of amusing dd. We do have fun, but it is hard work.

but, working full time whilst having 2 kids and keeping the house will also be very very hard.

have you got friends who you can swap playdates with? especially for the older one this would be a help?

have you got any family you could all 3 of you go and stay with for a bit/few days to break a week up?

have you a family member nearby who would have one or both children for you maybe a couple of hours a week? Your mother perhaps? Seeing as how these years are the best bits?!?!

is your husband taking any time off at all over the summer?

worth finding out about what your local library/community centre is running over the summer - our local library does things over the summer for preschoolers as well as older ones. And our local community centre does things for free over the summer too.

[gingernutlover]

only other idea would be to get a job as a playworker on a childrens playscheme. Your 4 year old could probably go with you but you would need to pay for the little one to go to creche or childminder.

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

YABU

You'd be better off learning better ways to deal with them bickering.

[gingernutlover]

oh and in my opinion, the violence between the 2 boys is totally unnaceptable behaviour. You need to sort that. Even the 2 year old is old enough to be taught right from wrong, and your 4 year old needs to be a role model.

[livethedream]

Hi Gingernut. Oddly I reckon the house would be easier to keep if we weren't all in it all day messing it up?

To be fair, my in-laws help, they come one day a week usually. And my mother will probably help out at some point. My father lives two minutes away and they never see the kids because they're not really that interested.

Still leaves about 40 ish days of fighting and squabbling to referee... Am aiming to get organised and plan free stuff, but still. It's an awful lot of time to fill, isn't it?

[colditz]

YANBU

Summer holidays = hell on earth after first 2 weeks.

Try lots of 'visiting'. take them out, take them out, and stand far enough away that the bickering is muffled.

I disagree completely that you can somehow train a pair of preschoolers to not be preschoolers any more. They will grow out of the contant "x just did Y to me, wahhhhhhh"

[Rollmops]

Most definitely get a job. They'll be so much better off somewhere, anywhere as long as the poor darlings don't have to share space with you.
Kerrist you sound bitter and whingey.
So, 'yes' to your question.

[livethedream]

I've tried everything to deal with them arguing. Even when they're not physically fighting it's just constant low level bickering (one wants what the other has, but they don't really) and constant whining. It's so draining and it makes me not enjoy being around them.

(I think I might be burnt out after 4 years of SAHMing. I'm just generally bored of it and want something else to think about. I did go back to work after DS1 but my boss changed my role and made it impossible to continue there, and after having two there's been no way I can afford to work. )

[colditz]

And btw I totally back you up in your efforts to find a job, I would be too. I hope you find something.

[colditz]

Rollmops don't be a twat.

[livethedream]

Kerrist? @rollmops.

[GypsyMoth]

well i have 5 dc and i'm on my own with them,no family local either!

you have to get on with it! learn ways to keep them from fighting too.

this week is my eldest last week in school....final exam on thursday....where have the years gone? truly their childhood goes so fast...

[livethedream]

thanks colditz.

I just think I would appreciate them more if I was with them less, tbh. If you spend 24/7 with anyone they're going to drive you nuts.

[colditz]

I have been so much more appresicative of my boys since I started work. Now I actually have time to miss them, instead of never getting a second's space in my head.

[livethedream]

Any practical suggestions re the fighting? (Other than tying them up at opposite ends of the house?)

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

You clearly didn't expect it to be this hard, but you made your bed and should lie in it! Palming them off on someone else won't help them learn how to deal with eachother in a co-operative way.

Having said that, if you're being horrible because you're fed up with them, maybe rollmops is right, and they would be better off elsewhwere

Parenting is hard work, and disheartening, and annoying, and draining. I just disagree that working full time and getting someone else to do the parenting is the answer.

[MmeLindt]

YANBU to be dreading it.

YANBU to want to go back to work.

Why don't you try retrain yourself to think positively about the summer holidays. Sometimes the "God, I am dreading this" vibes can affect the DC and make them behave badly.

Organise as much as possible, even if it is just down to local play park with a picnic.

Get them out of the house. Beach, park, zoo. Anywhere. Your aim is to physically wear them out.

And try and do something about the bickering and fighting. If you don't get it sorted now then it will become a habit. Mine have thankfully never been like that, but a friend of mine has 2 DC who constantly fight. No idea what you could do to stop them, but there must be loads of MNetters who have experience.

[foureleven]

I say get a job, if you can. I can feel your panic through your typing and its passing on to me.. If I had to spend 8 weeks with two preschoolers I would probably end up takingthem to the zoo and leaving them there!

You mustn't feel guilty for feeling this way, its natural.

It may be hard though unless you want to find a job ongoing that will continue after the summer.

[MmeLindt]

Oh, and think about getting back to work after they go back to school. Look at this summer as the last long summer to be enjoyed and savoured.

Rollmops
That was unkind. Have you never been worn out by your DC?

[livethedream]

erm...my husband goes to work every day, is he "being horrible?" Or are you sayign that SAH parents who don't love every minute and every facet of their lives should be having their children adopted out?

[Celery]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I have three, and I feel the same.

[livethedream]

thanks foureleven. More than happy to stay on at any job full time to be honest, I'd just like it to start around mid-July!

[Rollmops]

You posted it in AIBU so here's my opinion: YAButterlyU.
Why are your children fighting all the time? Try to figure that out and do something about it. Ever considered, for a second, that they might bicker to get your attention, your full attention and want you to play with them, actually talk to them and listen what they have to say? Not in a 'oh if I must* manner? From your whinge I very much doubt you ever really tried.

[Lotkinsgonecurly]

I always find that they argue less outside. So lots of trips to the park, local museums (they are all free and tend to have child focused activities during the holidays), we have picnic s out most days as the kids adore it too. Or, playschemes run my sure start, playbuses, bus rides where the kids are free.

Two summers ago it rained almost every day so we used to take long bus rides and have picnics on the top deck. All there was the cost of the ticket for me.

Do some shopping at markets and let the kids choose / weigh fruit and veg. Also if they're physically tired it makes those times at home much easier.