to think other people would be happy for your child's success???

[unreasonablebut]

namechanger and not giving all details...

One of my DCs did exceptionally well at something at the weekend. Previous occasion friend's DC did better than mine, we all congratulated them , "well done" comments on FB etc etc. NOthing in return, other than accusations of unfair treatment of their child. Don't want to say more as would be easy to id both families but am now questioning friendship. We should all be happy when others do well, even if disappointed for our own. Sour grapes = human nature, but when it's from your closest friends I find it very hard. Sorry, just needed to vent and better on here than ruining a friendship.

[GypsyMoth]

Sour grapes

[BosomForAPillow]

YANBU

Well done unreasonablebut's dc!

Wooooooo!

[mrsbean78]

You know, I was just going to post on here to ask AIBU to hate being a mum. This is why.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my little man.. he has brought me deep joy and fulfilment. I love mothering him - all of it.

But this kind of CRAP does my head in. The competitiveness, the digs, the comments and being told to 'suck it up, you need to have a thick skin as a mum'. It's appalling that you should be made to feel uncomfortable about your dc's success when you had been a good sport for their dc's.

I hate all that stuff. So YANBU from my POV.

[scottishmummy]

well done to your daughter.hope you are you sure they are purposefully ignoring achievement?some parents be magnanimous and cant cope with their own disappointment

[jonicomelately]

This is very common sadly. My ds has it to some extent but a friend's ds who is very academic and has acheived something incredible (and highly envy-inducing) has it on a very large scale. The sad thing is there may come a time when this boy starts to mess around so he doesn't attract negative comments

[SuSylvester]

you naiive fule

arf

[unreasonablebut]

Thanks all.

MrsBean, I hate competitive parenting....tho our DCs are competing in this particular area. But if you compete, there will be those who do well and those who don't. Of course, it's disappointing when your child doesn't do as well as hoped but when you have friends who you think of as second family and they can't find it in themselves to be happy for your child's success
, that is tough. Am feeling almost that I have overestimated our relationship, but maybe I am being hyper sensitive.

[scottishmummy]

given it is a competitive whatever some parents are sore losers.perhaps you do need to anticipate if children engage in competitive pursuits someone parents ego will get bashed

dont mean suck it up ,do mean expect some needle in competitive pursuits

[unreasonablebut]

ScottishMummy... I didn't say daughter..... Said friend is a facebook addict. Has posted on lots of facebook things since but not a thing about the weekend on my or her wall. Friend was definitely disappointed for her own- we all were - but other disappointed parents still had the grace to congratulate those who had done well.

[scottishmummy]

ok.some parents are sore losers.competition can bring out worst in some folk

[unreasonablebut]

I know you're right and do understand it - and would accept it from most people. Just find it hard with someone you think of as close

[scottishmummy]

ok so it was your child who did v well,congratulations. i read your dc as dd.

[unreasonablebut]

nail on the head madamdeathstare, complaint of unfair treatment was infront of my DC, as in "they only did well cos my DC was unfairly treated" Again, common competitive parent behaviour... but from a so-called friend??????

[unreasonablebut]

(scottishmummy, I thought for a minute you knew who I was/the situation I was talking about, would figure with your name)

[scottishmummy]

well,tactfully explain to dc that disappointment affects people judgement and comments were based upon that.not to detract from achievements

look some folk are sore losers,cant be magnanimous

not right,not fair.but part of life

suppose the biggie for you is can you overlook and retain friendship.maybe you have to compartmentalise as good friends who are poor losers

[scottishmummy]

goodness no.to reassure you,haven't a scoobie what the pusuit is

[senua]

How are the DC handling it? Has the other child been OK about it?

[nelliesmum]

Laugh at them, when you think about it the right way its all really rather funny.

[OrganicHairbrush]

YANBU. But I think we all get so hugely proud of our own DCs that the acheivements/attributes of others seem to fade into insignificance. I mean, my DC can suck her thumb so much more cutely than yours IYSWIM...

[unreasonablebut]

FWIW, I don't think there was an error in judgement, but easier for the other mum to say that than to accept that their DC didn't do as well as expected. And even if there was, doesn't detract from the fact that others did well on their own account.

My DC was just thrilled to do so well, so hasn't really dwelt on reaction of the other adult, tho felt sorry for the disappointed child and has said that to the child.
You've all said everything to be said really and everything I know but having let it fester for a few days, I wanted to get it off my chest on here so that ifI do discuss with "friend" (unlikely) then maybe I could do it without getting too cross.
Thanks for "listening"!

[unreasonablebut]

understand that organichairbrush, and if it was just some random other parent, I'd just roll my eyes and forget about it. I think the reaction just questions the nature of the friendship really, which pre-dates any of this competitive stuff.

[unreasonablebut]

ok,just had text from said friend "have been meaning to contact you all week.... etc " . I didn't think she was a MNetter, but given timing, suspect she is.

So, my dear friend, if you texted cos you read this, well, you know how I feel.....you've had time to post on lots of other facebook threads but didn't post on my or DC's FB along with everyone else who was made up for them.....