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AIBU?

to be annoyed with my mum for wanting to feed 4 month DS solids?

68 replies

zebedeethezebra · 11/05/2010 11:31

DS is 4 months tomorrow. Mum has been wanting to give him mashed banana since he was 6 weeks old. She's obsessed with giving him solids already.

Now, because he has been a bit off his milk (he's FF) for the last couple of weeks she thinks he's bored of milk and wants proper food. Its driving me mental. I've never heard of anything so ridiculous.

DS sleeps through the night and has been doing so for weeks, so he must be getting enough milk to keep him satisfied otherwise he'd be waking up.

Is anyone else's mum like this? How can I get her to back off? I'm waiting til DS is 6 months (give or take a week or so, but no more) before I start weaning like you're meant to.

OP posts:
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SloanyPony · 11/05/2010 11:38

Dont involve her so much in day to day babycare, she obviously feels she has a "stake". For instance, if he's off his formula a bit, dont tell her that. If he does start waking, dont tell her. She doesn't really need to know those ins and outs.

If she brings things like that up on her own accord, change the subject. Just opt out of the discussion.

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helenwombat · 11/05/2010 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumto2andnomore · 11/05/2010 11:42

Its not really her fault, just the way they did things in her day, shes only trying to help.I guess she thinks everyone did it then and it didnt do them any harm. Just try to explain to her that things have changed but dont fall out over it.

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TheSteelFairy2 · 11/05/2010 11:44

What is it about that generation and getting them onto solids?

I remember ds also being 6 weeks and telling my Mum that he was off his milk and her telling me she had been advised by a doctor to get me on solids at 6 weeks because I wasn't taking enough milk so I should do the same with ds. Ridiculous! I wouldn't mind but then she got the raging hump because I tentatively told her I thought he was too young and didn't speak to me for about 3 months.

Just ignore all advice that you don't agree with and use answers like

"do you think so?"
"we'll see"
"it's certainly something to think about"

and then do nothing that you don't want to do.

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LutyensVotes · 11/05/2010 11:50

At least your Mum is asking you. My MIL fed my 10-week old baby (yes, that's 10 weeks) cake when I wasn't around. Then she called me a drama queen for flying off the handle. She has never been allowed sole care of my daughter since then, IMO she broke my trust. Then again, she managed to sneakily spoon-feed half a cup of tea into dd when she was 9 months old while I was in the next room!

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ConnorTraceptive · 11/05/2010 11:52

I agree with Sloanypony the more you tell her the more you invite her opinion on the matter. My MIL is very free with her "advice" and it gets a bit wearing but I bring it on by telling her stuff, so have to try hard not to, which is hard because it's natural to talk about your baby

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/05/2010 12:01

Apparently I was weaned on oxo and bread at 6 weeks because I seemed hungry. My dd started solids at 4 months because that was the advice I was given nine years ago. The actual solids in her case was baby rice, but the advice was ordinary rice with a bit of salt in it. We were living in the ME though.
Like the other posters, I'd try to involve her less and just agree with her while doing your own thing.

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haoshiji · 11/05/2010 12:09

I'm 14 weeks gone and my mother is getting on my tit's already.

Advise on everything and if I knock it back in a polite way she get's the 'ump for weeks.

Meh!

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zebedeethezebra · 11/05/2010 12:20

Yes, my DP also says don't tell her stuff like that. But its difficult not to. Mum comes round every week and wants to know every intimate detail. Then she keeps digging to know more details. We already fell out over it when DS was 6 weeks old, so I don't know why she's still banging on about it. She's even bought him some food bowls already!

OP posts:
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mrspir8 · 11/05/2010 12:21

Oh god that such a familiar scene-my mum was exactly the same-even now she thinks jar dinners are the best thing for a baby to eat. I am watching my poor sis going through it again now as my nephew is younger than my dd. My sis and I both followed baby led weaning and my DD didn't really start solids til she was well over 6 months. My grandmother tried to give my dd RED WINE at my sisters wedding-she was 10 weeks old at the time!

Just give non commital answers and say things to pacify her-does she have sole care of your child at any time cos you can almost guarantee she will try it. If she does then you will then have a right to be as unreasonable as you damn well like cos that over stepping the mark. At this moment in time she is only giving asdvice from her experience. In the mean time say those phrases suggested by a poster above above. and "Hmn" and "oh really" work well too. If she persists then firmly but gently tell her-"thank you I appreciate your advice but health professionals do not recommend that method anymore, i'll do it the way i want to thank you"
I had a similar problem with my mum in that she over advised on everything and we had to have a massive horrid row before it got through to her-it may be that it comes to that but i hope not.

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sdr · 11/05/2010 12:42

It's not just her generation - when my oldest DD15 was a baby it was solids at 4 months. So much has changed in just the last 10 years.

You are going to have to be quite forceful about it - just tell her that's the way it is and you don't want the two of you having an unnecessary argument about it.

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OrmRenewed · 11/05/2010 12:45

The older generation seemed to want to do everything early. I got nagged by mum for ages about potty training when the children were clearly not ready.

Tell her the current guidelines and tell her you are sticking to them.

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cluelessnchaos · 11/05/2010 12:49

I agree with sdr, my dd1 is 12 and I was advised to give solids at 4 months even though she was tiny and wasnt interested until 6 months.

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Jamieandhismagictorch · 11/05/2010 12:51

Yes, the guidelines were to wean at 4-6 months when DS1 (9) was a baby.

It is your baby and there don't seem to be any signs that your DS needs weaning so I'd be non-committal about it. Not worth getting into an argument IMO, as mumto2 says

DS2 was given first solids at 3 months by MIL - chocolate ice cream. By then I'd calmed down a bit about parenting so didn't get too cross...

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bruffin · 11/05/2010 12:59

The current guidelines have just changed in the US back to 4-6 months and in many other european countries it is 4-6 months.

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5Foot5 · 11/05/2010 13:06

I started weaning DD (14) when she was 4 months becuase that was the advice given at the time.

No doubt when our mothers were raising us the advice was different again.

When you are going through it first hand and are up to speed with all the latest advice on everything it is difficult to remember that other people might be a bit out of date and just passing on to you what was considered acceptable practice in their day.

Try not to let her wind you up too much! I am sure she doesn't mean any harm.

"The older generation seemed to want to do everything early"

I have heard my Mum say she had mys elder sister potty-trained at one!! I can't believe that at all - she must have just kept putting her on it all the time. I suppose theer were no disposable nappies and the hot water had to be heated on a range so there was an added incentive to "potty train" early.

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cat64 · 11/05/2010 13:06

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OtterInaSkoda · 11/05/2010 13:14

DS is 9 - 4 weeks was the standard back then, too. In fact I think it was positively encouraged.

TBH I don't think it's ridiculous and I think the OP's mum might have a point. Clearly WHO et al guidelines have changed though - the fact that it was absolutely fine for my DS (and countless others) doesn't mean it's advisable for everyone.

FWIW if I were to do it all again with a baby identical to ds, I'd be giving them babana and whatnot at 4 months too.

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OtterInaSkoda · 11/05/2010 13:17

"Babana and Whatnot" isn't some kind of arcane babyfood btw

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Niecie · 11/05/2010 13:17

Have you explained to her the reasons why 6mths is preferable? Maybe she doesn't understand.

Again, my DS1 was weaned at 4mths and things only changed as I was weaning DS2 who is coming up for 7. In a sense it is the latest fashion to wait until 6mths - it certainly looks that way if you don't know the reasons for the change.

Ormreformed - I got the potty training thing too. Apparently I was trained at 12mths and my brother was 'late' at 16mths.

Not bad for a baby who couldn't wake and talk.

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bruffin · 11/05/2010 13:18

There is now no evidence that weaning at 4 months is harmful at all

ESPGHAN medical position paper

and there has been a huge rise in allergies since weaning guidelines have been changed to 6 months which is why the AAP recently changed their guidelines back to 4-6 months.

There is actually a study at the moment to see if introducing certain solids at 3 months will affect allergies.

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TakeLovingChances · 11/05/2010 13:18

I've had a doctor tell me that a child is ready for solids when they double their birth weight.

Anyone else heard that???? Would that be around 6 months?

My PFB is almost 11 weeks old and my MIL strongly advised me to try him on solids when he's 4 months. Just just nod my head and say I'll play it by ear.

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Niecie · 11/05/2010 13:28

Takelovingchances - I heard that, only DS1 (who is nearly 10) doubled in 8 weeks so that was a little too early!

I think I was also told that 16lbs was another marker. Big babies needing more food and all that.

Bruffin - that doesn't surprise me in the slightest that guidelines have been relaxed a bit and have got in to trouble on here before for saying the guidelines might well move back one day so there is no point being too precious about it (some people seem to think that 6mths is a magic date at which suddenly DC are ready for food but I clearly isn't that simple). Most of my generation were weaned earlier at 4mths and allergies weren't at the levels they are now.

FWIW I don't think DS1 struggled with solids at all at 4mths. DS2 was more difficult to wean at 6mths plus but I understand the power of guidelines. I would have felt bad trying to wean him before that date.

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KittyLilith · 11/05/2010 13:31

Both my boys were first given solids at around four months, it was the standard advice with my eldest and the advice was 6months with my youngest.

BUT they had both started waking in the night after sleeping through for about two months beforehand.

AS your DS is still sleeping through he's obviously getting enough nutrition so you don't need to worry. I'd just carry on nodding and smiling and saying you'll see.

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Firawla · 11/05/2010 13:32

my mil is the same, you need to be firm.
from 6 weeks it was "have you started giving him juice" :\ but i just every time say no, i wont be doing that.
one day she made him some "soup" and phoned up to say she's made it and going to send it round (he was just coming up to 4 months then i think) i just say no thank you, he does not need that. again @ the weekend she was like "i was thinking of giving him some potato.." but just reply firmly yet politely with a no, they may keep suggesting it but each time you just reject it if you're not happy with it. i did actually wean my ds1 @ 4 months so mil couldn't understand why i don't want to with this one, but not all babies are the same and ds2 is so not ready, he even has the tongue thrust thing still, so its not going to be appropriate for him.
if its your 1st baby they may feel they can boss you but just stay firm & keep repeating it, you may become like a broken record but gets the job done. like mum may be "shall i give him some banana?" you just say "no thankyou, he is not ready for that yet he doesn't need it." mum suggests "shall we just try some baby rice, as he is off his milk.." you repeat the same, whatever she suggests food wise you just repeat your stance. they may begin to realise their suggestions are futile.
the same technique for whatever suggestions people give that you dont want, if they are so forceful to keep going on about it then keep repeating it each time, dont waver just cos they are getting on your nerves & pressurising, & by just repeating it is not really getting in an argument either, just politely sticking up for what you want to do with your own child.

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