To think that £40K is not a 'paltry sum' to live on?

[Megatron]

This is basically a rant! My sister is driving me round the twist with her moaning and groaning about not being able to buy what she wants. Her DH earns around £40K, she does not work, they have 2 young DC's (both at primary school), no debts apart from mortgage (not huge) and she has just spent an hour on the phone to me telling me that her DH is a loser because he doesn't have enough ambition to 'go out and get a better job with a more acceptable wage'. She is now in the huff with me as I told her that perhaps SHE should get a job and contribute if she's that desperate for more cash and to stop acting like a spoilt brat. I know this is not a huge amount but jeez, it's not exactly peanuts either. I'm guessing I should ring her an apologise for calling her a brat but !

[Dinkytinky]

Flippig heck! No YANBU, I'd sat it's a comfertablw wage deffo. I would have told her to pull her finer out too and stop moaning!

[HousewifeOfOrangeCounty]

Difficult - to be honest I think that it would be hard going for a family of four to live on that amount. I know lots of people manage on far less, but I would be doing everything I could to increase our income if that was what dh earnt.

You were right though, she should contribute if she's going to moan about it. Not very loyal to her dh is she?

[violethill]

The point is not whether 40k is a paltry sum to live on, because quite frankly that depends on a whole range of factors such as mortgage/rent, council tax, other outgoings etc (For instance, it wouldn't get you much where I live).

It's the sheer cheek of someone ranting that their partner is a 'loser' for not earning more while they sit on their arse all day with the kids in school. If she wants a higher standard of living then why doesn't she bring some money in? Or is she scared to try to put herself on the line and maybe find she can't command a salary of more than 40k?

Of course you shouldn't apologise - sounds like she needs a few home truths!!

[HamShine]

"to be honest I think that it would be hard going for a family of four to live on that amount" Seriously? where do you live? I'm not working atm, DH earns a bit more than that, but not loads more, and we're hardly scraping by.

[scurryfunge]

My colleague earns that amount and has a family of 5.He is always whining about how it's not enough to leave in (in the South East). I think it is just a state of mind and some people are natural whingers about their lot.

[EveWasFramed]

We're struggling on just above that, BUT...we have a high mortgage at the mo, some debt and I'm at Uni. If we could just get rid of the house and live in our car, we'd be wealthy!

[DumpyOldWoman]

But if that was the income you had then you wouldn't develop lots of high outgoings!

40k is way over the average wage.

But the main point is that she describes her DH as a loser, and also has no inclination to do anything to make money herself. I would take her up on this and ask what else in her marriage is bothering her.

[Megatron]

She doesn't want to go to work because she 'doesn't want to be seen to be needing money'. Seriously, her words. I'm probably just pissed off with the expectation that her DH (who is a really nice, hardworking fella) should be providing more money for more 'stuff'. To be honest I'm worried about telling her a few home truths as I think I may just open the flood gates! I do love my sister but she drives me insane.

[RustyBucket]

Wouldn't go far, in this part of the world.

[scurryfunge]

live on is what I meant (not leave in!)

[OrmRenewed]

She sounds a real charmer Hope she never expresses those opinions to her DH.

[Lulumaam]

it is not the salary that is questionable, £40k goes a lot further in some parts of the country than others and there are soooo many variables ( it is not a paltry wage, but whether it gives you a life of luxury, free of worry, is another thing entirely) BUT her attitude, that her husband somehow owes her more, but she is not prepared to get a job, esp with school age DCs

that i would find far more worriesome and offensive, that she feels her hsuband is a loser , than what the salary is

[mumblechum]

Of course she should be getting off her arse and getting a job if she wants more money.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

It isn't really about the money, though, is it? He must have a reasonably skilled job to earn that salary. It is her sneering attitude towards her dh and her sense of entitlement that she should be looked after which is the problem. If my dh's salary fell to £40,000 (and it could do, he is self employed) then we wouldn't be able to survive and I would bloody well have to get off my arse and go out to work [Norman Tebbit emoticon].

[OtterInaSkoda]

It would be interesting to see how many jobs she was offered above a £40k "losers" salary

HamShine - we'd struggle on £40k (gross, I assume) because houseprices are very high where we live. We could move to a cheaper area, but then we'd not have jobs. It's a compromise.

[Lulumaam]

she doesn't want to be seen needing the money but she wants it!

her priorities are somewhat skewed

[bibbitybobbityhat]

x posts with Lulu.

[violethill]

She doesn't want to be seen needing money?!

What century is this woman living in?

Does she really think that a 'good' family life equals one parent earning enough to enable the other to be seen to swan around having limitless money to spend? Has she no self respect? Does she not think there's more to life than sitting around as an adult expecting someone else to service your needs?

OP - I think you're being very restrained! She's the loser in the relationship.

[EricNorthmansmistress]

YANBU
we rent (so get a tiny HB top up) and a bit of CTC but we have an income of about 30k and manage ok. No it's not loads but then we are repaying debts so we would be more comfortable had we not been stupid twats borrowed money. We manage to run two vehicles and have a holiday twice a year (to DH or my parents, but still)

[tethersend]

"But if that was the income you had then you wouldn't develop lots of high outgoings!"

Outgoings such as debts can be acquired whilst on a much higher income- pre children for example. They still need to be paid.

£40k for a family of 4 would not go very far where I live unless in council or HA accommodation, and then it would still be a stretch.

[HamShine]

Bloody hell. We're going nowhere, in that case.

[Megatron]

'Does she really think that a 'good' family life equals one parent earning enough to enable the other to be seen to swan around having limitless money to spend? Has she no self respect? Does she not think there's more to life than sitting around as an adult expecting someone else to service your needs?'

This is exactly what I think but it's like talking to a brick wall. I have no idea why she's like this because it's certainly not how we were brought up, but she seems to have this notion that she should be 'looked after'. I'm bloody sick of it tbh.

[NewBirdOnTheBlock]

YANBU

We get by very well on less than half of that. We have a 90% mortgage, 2 nice cars and 3 holidays a year. I think the more you have, the more you spend and then the more you need.

[Tryharder]

Our household income is much less than that and I wouldn't even say I'm struggling. I wouldn't have a problem with calling your sister a spoilt brat. Don't even think about apologising to her.