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AIBU?

to not want family to visit us while we're on holiday?

18 replies

Believeitornot · 01/05/2010 08:12

We're going on our first family holiday together (me, DH and baby DS) this weekend. Not far - an hours drive away.

I'm looking forward to it as it's a break from the routine at home with the same old surroundings etc etc.

DH joked about inviting his brother to come for a day. I joked back that we were supposed to be on holiday... (his brother lives near us anyway). Then he suggested that his parents come and visit (again, they live 20 mins away and we see them weekly. Well I do as they visit their GC.)

It turns out that DH invited his parents anyway, so clearly my joking was not taken seriously. I'm not impressed - I find it strange that they should come - I wanted a holiday not a continuation of a normal week.

I couldn't work out why exactly it bothers me - I think it's because I find them annoying sometimes, I can't relax around them and it's not as if they live near our holiday destination. But they're nice enough and have helped us loads in the past so find it difficult to put my foot down.

AIBU to not want them (or any other family mners) to visit us while we're away??

P.s I've name changed as DH knows my nickname and loves to browse spend hours reading MN

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Believeitornot · 01/05/2010 08:14

mners members! Bloody iPhone.

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ageing5yearseachyear · 01/05/2010 08:18

not unreasonable at all.

may be you just want one entire week, just the three of you?

however, your routine of the week is not the same as your oh- maybe he thinks of holiday as a break from the normal and seeing his family?

either way you have learned the peril of any attempt at subtlety in stating your wishes!

PuppyMonkey · 01/05/2010 08:18

If it's just one day out of the week away and DH so wants to see them, let him - and then you go off and do something fabulous all by yourself instead.

DecorHate · 01/05/2010 08:26

Yanbu, seems rather odd to me. Sounds like your dh's family like living in each others pockets!

I have had slightly different scenario - we live abroad and when we would go back home for a holiday (usually that was our only holiday) we would spend some time with family & then rent a cottage somewhere for a week. Family would often pop down for the day or even overnight if we had a spare bed. That was slightly different as we don't see them all the time but it still grated a bit as we ended up only having a few days to ourselves.

Have you asked your dh why he has invited them along? Does he feel insecure if he is away from his parents??

Believeitornot · 01/05/2010 08:29

Yes I do want a week just us!

I can't go off and leave DH - they'll want to see DS who is BF so I'll need to be there.

DH speaks to them all the time and sees them monthly. I think he did it as he feels sorry for them as his sister has banned them from going away with her family as they like to take charge.

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Believeitornot · 01/05/2010 08:32

decore I don't think he feels insecure. He just thinks it's a nice thing to do. The irony is he's not emotionally close to them iyswim?

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PuppyMonkey · 01/05/2010 09:08

Have you actually told him you don't want to see them?

SalFresco · 01/05/2010 09:19

We've just come back from a week away with DS1 & 2 - my parents and 1 of my sisters came down for a day to see us. It was lovely!

It sounds like DH is trying to do a nice thing - and if it is just for one day and they are not actually forcing themselves upon you (they have not invited themselves!) I'd just go along with it. I have to admit, I'd be slightly less keen for my MIL to have visited us, but that is because she is quite hard work (I'm not just an evil DIL - DH, and her other children feel the same) and for her it wouldn't be about the pleasure of spending time with us.

So, I think YANBU to feel a bit miffed, but I would go along with it in your situation.

SalFresco · 01/05/2010 09:19

Also, when my family visited, my mum took our dirty washing home with her, and has washed and ironed it for us

thehillsarealive · 01/05/2010 09:22

Can I borrow your mum SalFresco?

Fluffyone · 01/05/2010 09:28

If your DH works this out while he's "browsing" Mumsnet he needs to read it and have a think. Of course he's being daft to invite family to visit on your holiday, you see them regularly normally, there is absolutely no need. As you say, a holiday takes you away from normal life, that includes family, however nice they are. Every day of your holiday you should be waking up with plans for you and your family, not thinking "Oh, we've got to wait in today, PIL's are coming".
DH, if you're reading this, sort it out. Tactfully un-invite your parents.

Firawla · 01/05/2010 09:36

YANBU i would be unhappy with this too, its only a week and you want it to be time specially for your family. cant they get their own holiday??

Fel1x · 01/05/2010 09:47

Oh I dont know, it sounds like a nice idea to me. Did you not say anything at all when he suggested it, apart from making a 'joke'? He probably has no idea that you are not happy about it.
We are going on hols soon to centerparcs about an hour away from us. We've asked in lawd if they want to come join us for a day too as we thought it would be nice. It'll still be a holiday - DH wont be working, we'll be somewhere with fun things to do and in holiday mode, there'll just be more of us to entertain the kids and chat over lunch out!

Lotkinsgonecurly · 01/05/2010 10:01

We have the same problem except it is my quite lovely MIL inviting herself to evening dinner parties, holiday etc. So, for the for the first time in 3 years we are having a holiday that's not camping and I've only booked a small 2 bedroom cottage that sleep 4. So even if she did invite herself there would be no where for her to sleep.

This has taken me 10 years to work out how to get round it though! I book a weekend away with her then our main holiday is by ourselves.

I tried the subtle approach with dh and it just didn't work. You have to clearly state what your expectations are. It's not being unreasonable its just wanting time to yourselves.

I hope you have a nice holiday though. Can you use the day they are here to take advantage of some babysitting and have a couple of hours to yourselves just you and dh?

maybebaby23 · 01/05/2010 10:08

Oh god. My inlaws from hell decided to visit us while we were on holiday, they didnt say they were coming but they knew where we were staying. We were having a lovely time on the beach with baby DD when i looked up and saw them. OH JOY. That day was ruined for me! DH went off into the sea with them and DD and i were sat on the beach alone for most of the afternoon they wanted to go out for dinner with us but as we already had plans we said no. Then they went home.

I would tell your DH that its supposed to be a holiday, you know, a break away from everything and everyone!

I do have the inlaws from hell though. Yours sound ok tbh.

diddl · 01/05/2010 10:29

YANBU-can´t he manage without mummy for a week?

Believeitornot · 01/05/2010 11:18

Thanks for the replies! I'm packing - we're today

I did tell DH I didn't want visitors after I realised he had invited them - it's only a short holiday and I'll stress about them! The irony is he'll probably get annoyed with his dad too

I guess we could ask them to look after DS for a couple of hour - that's a nice idea.

My worry is that this becomes a slippery slope and we'll be on holiday with them next. Now I'm not going away with someone who likes to organise everything - including drafting a detailed timetable of activities for everyday! A spreadsheet holiday is just too depressing.

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Believeitornot · 01/05/2010 11:19

We're going today. My typing is appaling.

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