Let's all stare at the gays!!!

[Theresnoplacelikehome]

Arggghh!!!!!

Why are some people so bloody rude to complete strangers?

I am gay and even in this day and age me and my girlfriend get stared at, continuously! Not through making out on the pavement, just from walking along holding hands, kiss goodbye at the station etc - normal everyday couple things to do. We are normal looking girls, no crazy hairstyles or piercings/tattos that might make people stare.

Tonight we were walking along together after getting off the train and she pulled me to her for a little kiss. A lady walking past actually stopped to stare open mouthed and then tutted and shook her head. Normally I just try and ignore people but she took the biscuit and I was really quite offended.

The other day a group of school kids were at the station where we were waiting for a train and we were just standing there with her arm round me. The teachers gave us disapproving looks and ushered the kids away from us.

AIBU to expect people to show some common decency and be polite to strangers - even gay ones?!?

[Kaloki]

That's awful, sad that you have to deal with that

[Kaloki]

Though, if it's any consolation, me and DP get stared at too, I think people just hate anyone showing affection in public.

[SolidGoldBrass]

YANBU at all. If you were 69ing at the bus stop it might be reasonable for people to complain but there is NOTHING wrong with you and your partner behaving in the same way as other people behave with their partners in social/public situations eg holding hands, kissing each other in greeting or parting etc.
This is basically heteronormative bullshit, the sort of thing that means anyone who whines about gay people 'flaunting' their relationships is automatically a fuckwitted homophobic bigot, you;re not flaunting your non-hetness, you're just not hiding it and there is no good reason why you should have to hide it.

[Theresnoplacelikehome]

Ah, it's not that bad really - usually just laugh it off or stare back, but sometimes it just stresses me out. It's not just occasionally it's a constant thing, so you get used to it. I'm always surprised though and often think - what are they staring at / do we know them / do I have a bogie on my face ect, then it clicks and I remember they are staring at my gayness.

[Chandra]

Oh yes, everybody expressing a bit of affection in public is stared at, I used to think it was because we were foreign!

[SolidGoldBrass]

Kaloki: thing is, the dividing line should be on generally unacceptable behaviour (like fucking at bus stops) - while a lot of people find a couple engaged in passionate open-mouthed snogging in a public place a bit naff, the issue there is not the sexual orientation of the people, it's that many people find all that snogging in public a bit adolescent.

[Kaloki]

I agree SGB, I don't think anyone should stare at a couple who are doing totally normal affectionate things like holding hands. Reagrdless of sexuality. I was just pointing out that there a lot of weirdoes out there who make bizarre judgements.

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

YADNBU

My DD1 is lesbian, and I can't wait for the day when she brings home some one special to meet the family.

Only then will I know my job as a parent has been done.

t is so sad that people still take exception
to the perfectly normal desire to love and be loved by someone, and to be able express it openly.

[Theresnoplacelikehome]

Iwastooearlytobeayummymummy -

AW - You cannot believe how sweet what you have just written is, I truely hope your daughter finds someone special too. My mother is the opposite, has never accepted it, said it makes her feel sick and has told me in her eyes it's equal to dating a paedophile! I am not allowed to speak of or being my partner to her house and because of that we rarely speak. When we do she pretends she doesnt exist and has never once mentioned her in conversation. Anywho...

I tend to find it's elderly people who stare mainly - I do understand this, people werent openly gay when they were growing up and I do see why they are surprised, shocked etc. But young people should know better I feel.

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

Thanks Theres

I love her so much and am so proud of her general wonderfulness, but it does make me sad that she does not yet, have a partner, who can appreciate her wonderfulness too, iyswim

[shockers]

A little kiss is lovely, no matter who it is that you're loving.

I feel very uncomfortable with big sexy snogs in public no matter who is giving or getting them. A bit like big rows in public... some things are meant to be private.

BUT if you have to do it, make it count.... let films be written and anecdotes be spoken.... long after you've left this mortal coil )

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

also theres

I am so sorry your Mum has taken that view.
It must be very paainful for you and your partner

Interestingly, DD told me just the other day that because we had been so accepting when she came out (at 15 but no suprise to me) that she had not felt the need to throw herself into the lgbtg culture, so didn't learn the 'dating rules' and now feels sort of left behind by others who had to invent a new 'family' to support them in this aspect.

BTW she's 21 and almost on the shelf

[Theresnoplacelikehome]

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy -

It's hard when you're young, especially if you don't have a group of gay friends or don't spend time in gay bars/clubs for young girls to meet other gay girls.

Part of me hates gay venues as I don't like the idea of segregation but it's great for being able to be yourself and not worryin about being stared at etc...

[Theresnoplacelikehome]

Oh and tell her to get herself and a group of mates out to Brighton for a weekend. Best place to meet other gay girls and the beach / cafes / shopping and night life is great!

[TiggyR]

Older people still can't get their heads around the fact that you can be so open. S'not their fault, they are just bemused/appalled by it due to the way their generation was educated - they just have very conservative non-PC values. Pity them. And kids are just fascinated by anything that seems different to what they are used to seeing, so they stare at disability, disfigurement or extreme obesity, or any number of things in fact. They'll grow out of it.

[smallishsheep]

you need to become sneaky gays
In all seriousness though, ignore it. The problem is with them, not you

[TiggyR]

Must just add, I'm sure the teacher wasn't looking disapprovingly at you and ushering away the kids for their protection, she was probably just aware that their fascination/staring would be embarrassing and uncomfortable for everyone, so she probably just wanted to divert their attention for everyone's sake, and to avoid any awkward comments any child might make. Her look of disapproval was more likely to be concern.

[EricNorthmansmistress]

You know, it's a good thing that you and your DP exist publicly and don't hide your relationship when you are out. You are 'desensitising' (sorry) people to the sight of same sex couples and I would hope that in a generation's time nobody will bat an eyelid {hopeful}

In the meantime, I feel really awful for you and others in your position. The things heteros take for granted

I can't actually say that I know how you feel but I can imagine, DH isn't EU and occasionally, if we've been in a less urban part of his country, I get the stares too, we are an oddity because of me being white and not covering my hair. I have been on the end of disapproving/judgemental stares and it's horrible.

[chimchar]

thats sad theres. not everyone is disapproving. i like to see anyone who is happy and in love.

just guessing, but maybe the teacher paniced about the inevitable questions that would come from the class, or worse, the loud comments that kids make, and wanted to avoid the situation....not right by any means, but maybe an explanation?

my kids, although still young, know about all different kinds of relationships, and are brought up absolutly with the thought that as long as you are happy, and not being hurtful or being hurt, you do what is right for you.

we have had really open discussions which started when my 8yo came home from school upset because another boy had called him a lesbian!

anyway. i'm waffling. good luck to you and your girl.

[SalFresco]

I'm so surprised at how many people still seem to stare or comment at gay couples. And it isn't just a generational thing - my SIL (mid 30's) complained last year at a holiday park becuase the couple in the caravan next to them were lesbians and her 2 DD's saw them kissing - SIL was appalled, and kisked up a fuss. SHe told us all about this at a family gathering, and DH and I were the only ones who challenged her - everyone else acted as if this was a completely reasonable thing to have done! Which probably tells you quite a bit about my in laws

[jellyjelly]

TO the op. I am gay and I am glad you are open as its the only way for hets to understand that we are around and always will be. I was in a closed relationship with a man for a long time so have stood both sides. I have to agree it does get on my wick though when people stare. I think what annoys me most is how to handle the young boys ie teens that just say lesbian under their breathe as my lady and I walk past them when they say it with disgust.?! Anyone?

I can agree with the other post about moving the children away not for their protection but for yours as children can be very unkind (I work in a school and I am not out to the children)and they might not have wanted you to feel uncomfortable with them staring.

Wish you well

[PorphyrophillicPixie]

YANBU to expect people to be polite! Gay or straight, as long as you aren't full-on snogging (or worse!) in public then people should leave you the hell alone.

I get very uncomfortable with people snogging in public, no matter what sex they are. But a peck on the lips/check/etc is fine, it's showing affection and we're human, that's something we do.

Iwastooearlytobeayummymummy: I wish my parents were like you! I'm bisexual but I'd never be able to bring home a girlfriend if I had one. Mum still thinks that it's a phase I went through that she was disappointed in and my Dad is a homophobic

I agree that the teacher could just have been worried about the questions. I know a of a few schools that have the idea that you cannot tell children that being gay is okay This leads to awkward moments if kids pick up on it too early to make their own choices about it iyswim?

[TiggyR]

The trouble is, like teaching religion in schools, the school cannot decide what is and isn't 'right' for children to believe, beyond telling them that all people deserve to be shown respect and tolerance, and should not face institutional discrimination, as a basic human right. If the situation had prompted probing and awkward questions to the teacher she would be in a difficlut position. If she has told a child it was 'normal' and 'acceptable' and that child gone home and told their religiously fundamentalist ultra-conservative parents the poor teacher would be hauled over the coals. And it would come under the remit of sex education, which needs to get parental permission in advance to be discussed. Tricky area all round - don't think badly of the poor teacher!

[beanlet]

YANBU at all, and shame on people who stare at you with disapproval -- well, as long as you aren't being really gross, that is. A hetero couple sat down next to me in a cafe yesterday and started snogging, which would have been OK except they were making loud sucking, licking noises. . . shudder!