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AIBU?

to stop DS9 going to party

47 replies

racmac · 30/04/2010 15:20

DS9 keeps getting into trouble at school. On Weds evening he said he was going to be really naughty for this particular teacher - I told him if i got called into school he would miss his party

Fast forward to today i get call from said teacher to say ds was supposed to tell me she wanted a word - ds been naughty and messing around, shouting out, breaking ruler etc - he didnt tell me - he could have forgotten but doubtful.

Shall i ban him from party or is that too mean?

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jalopy · 30/04/2010 15:24

Ban him for the party.

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chaostrulyreigns · 30/04/2010 15:24

I think you've got to do it.

You need to stand by your word. Difficult as it may be.

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jalopy · 30/04/2010 15:25

from

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PippiL · 30/04/2010 15:26

Yep stick to your guns or he will walk all over you.

Gotta be cruel to be kind :-)

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racmac · 30/04/2010 15:27

yep thought as much - dh better agree with me and not go all bloody soft on him

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Condensedmilkaddict · 30/04/2010 15:35

And I would make him write a letter of apology to the teacher.

But that's just me.

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Hullygully · 30/04/2010 15:35

Why is he doing this?? Sounds a bit odd to prewarn you and then go ahead?

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racmac · 30/04/2010 15:50

I have no idea why hullygully - he has always struggled at school but he gets extra help - the teachers are aware.
He likes to play the class clown and sho all the others how silly he can be - then he doesnt actually have to get on with the work.

He is constantly attention seeking at home - im fed up with it - i try and be consistent, i try and give him lots of attention, he has lots of nice clothes, toys etc. He is popular at school - very sporty.

I really am at the end of my tether with him but it feels like its been going on for so long.

any suggestions welcome

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jalopy · 30/04/2010 15:50

'Go soft on him'? Is your husband for real?

I'd be really worried if my son's behaviour warranted phone calls from the school.

Your husband should be supporting you when you discipline your son.

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racmac · 30/04/2010 15:51

ive just spoken to dh - no question of him being soft - he is furious as i am

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pigletmania · 30/04/2010 16:02

Ban him ban him, got to follow through and there must be consequences to his actions and unfortunately he will learn the hard way.

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ChickensNeedOpposableThumb · 30/04/2010 16:06

You have to follow through. Horrible, but has to be done

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Hullygully · 30/04/2010 16:10

Yes, and also have a strategy agreed with the teacher to help him overcome the need to seek attention this way. Poor little so and so.

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clam · 30/04/2010 16:12

"Poor little so and so."

Who? The teacher?

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Hullygully · 30/04/2010 16:17

No, the child. Can't be very happy if is having to carry on like that.

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TheSmallClanger · 30/04/2010 16:20

No, you've made a reasonable threat and you need to carry it ou. Be strong.

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pigletmania · 30/04/2010 16:22

poor teacher imo. I am talking from personal experience of being the chief class clown at school. For me it was a mixture of things immaturity, board would rather do something else and also could not do the work too. If he is managing fine at school and is up with his school work than it might just be a case of totall immaturity and trying to look good for his friends and good old fashioned rebelling.

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AMumInScotland · 30/04/2010 16:33

You have to ban him from the party - he has to start understanding that bad behaviour has consequences, and that when you say he is going to be punished, that you mean it. You clearly were called into school because of his behaviour - the fact that he didn't tell you doesn't make it any better, worse in fact.

At the same time, I thnk you need to have a discussion with him about his behaviour overall - it sounds like he wanted to get a reaction out of you by telling you he was going to play up. You need to get to the bottom of this - has he got so stuck in the class clown role that he wants you to stop him?

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fiveisanawfullybignumber · 30/04/2010 16:34

DS2 (8) has missed a couple of parties in his time for bad behavior. He's also missed out on popcorn at the cinema when the other DC's have had it, he was warned, it was that or all of us miss the film, not fair on the others. It's hard but IMO the only way he realises I mean business.
Well done mum (& dad), they've got to learn.

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racmac · 30/04/2010 16:42

Well i have told him the news that he is missing the party and he is obviously not happy. But seems to think he has not done anything to warrant the ban from the party.

I have had lots of talks re his behaviour and i cant get to the bottom of it, there is no obvious answer apart from he struggles with the work but this doesnt explain his behaviour at home

I have said to him his friends are laughing when he is silly because they are not in trouble - who is laughing now at him missing the party but he just thinks i am a cruel mother and that he has to miss the party because i am the evil mother not anything to do with his behaviour

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Danthe4th · 30/04/2010 16:45

Sounds like he may be finding work hard at school or there is something he doesn't understand. Playing the class clown is a great cover for other difficulties, I would try to get to the bottom of what it is.
I agree you do have to punish him but i'm always wary of getting into a negative cycle, I like to reward good behaviour rather than punishing the bad, but thats what works for me.
I try to create opportunities to do things that I know my son is good at, it gives him a buzz being praised and seems to have stopped alot of the stupid behaviour that we were having, he's slightly younger though at 7.5.

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mummytime · 30/04/2010 16:51

Don't worry, I have told my children that if they behaved badly at their own parties I would send them to bed. So as you warned him he has got what he deserved.

Now you need to talk to his teacher and come up with a joint strategy to improve his behaviour. How about a book where she records smiles when he is good, sad if he's bad. It will also help her not if he is good. Best way is to ignore as far as possible bad behaviour and reward good. (Especially at this age.)
Do also find out if he is struggling at school, as the class clown often can be, to cover up that he thinks he's thick. Or he may just be struggling socially so could do with some social skills improvement.

Good luck.

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diddl · 30/04/2010 16:57

OP has already said that he is struggling at school.

Might it be dyslexia, dyscalculia?

Starting to reward good behaviour might be a way forward though-although in this case I think you are right to follow through with your threat.

Perhaps a reward for X amount of days of not being the class clown?

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racmac · 30/04/2010 17:11

He has been assessed and although he is generally behind they couldnt find anything specific although i dont think they tested for dyslexia

He is on school action, he was removed from school action plus about 6 months ago as they felt he was improving significantly

I have told his teachers they need to boost his confidence - he definately thinks he is a failure - they have agreed with this but not sure what tactics i can suggest they implement or at home for that matter

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fiveisanawfullybignumber · 30/04/2010 17:16

When we have to do things like that with DS2 (8), we have a long talk about his behavior untill he understands the consequences of his actions. It sometimes takes a while for him to process the fact that his behavior resulted in the the punishment.
Not always easy conversations, and often ends in an argument where he is sent upstairs to think it all over. He usually reappears in 10-15 mins with clearer understanding of the days events.
Some children are just like this, our DS2 is that child, they need carefull management, give an inch & they'll take more than a mile!
Good luck to you.