to not want people to wear shoes over my lovely oak floor

[Carameli]

we have since we moved been doing some major renovations to our house. It is now at an end and as we put really nice oak flooring in the living room and dining room we decided to have a no shoes rule in the house. Lots of my friends do this and it works fine.
I also lived in Finland for a few years where it is the norm and expected that you take off your shoes when you go into someone's house.
My stumbling block is my mum and dad who refuse to and have said they will sit in the kitchen rather than take off their shoes.
I love my parents dearly and but feel so upset over this. Have just had an email from my mum saying she does not know when my father will want to visit us again. What am I meant to say. My worry is he comes in with a stone on his shoe and we end up with a big scratch on the wood or I am not ale to invite them over for dinner etc etc(thinking ahead to Christmas etc etc birthdays)

arrrgggg. feel so frustrated.

[fragola]

I think it's polite to take your shoes off when at someones house anyway, whether they ask you to or not. Can't understand why someone would refuse.

YANBU!!!

[JackBauer]

I don't think no shoes as you have a nice new floor is a difficult rule tbh, bit of a pita but not a problem especially if you knwo in aadvance and make sure your socks are clean, which your parents obviously do.

It is a veyr odd response from them, are they normally awkward like this?

[wingandprayer]

It's a floor. It's for walking on.

If you want to keep your lovely oak scratch free maybe you should attach it to the ceiling or something.

I have original 1920's wooden floors throughout too BTW. They are gorgeous because they have been used for over 80 years.

[Tocca]

Have they been round, you've asked them to do it, and they said no, or did you announce in advance?

Has your father said why?

I suppose if you can't change his behaviour, it comes down to, would you rather see your mum and dad or have a perfect floor?

[ShinyAndNew]

How strange. Are they of your floor, maybe?

You could try compromising and offer to keep a pair of slippers each for them at your house?

[HumphreyCobbler]

I hate taking my shoes off in other people's houses. It is annoying and unnecessary (imo natch).

BUT I still do it. I wouldn't dream of being rude enough to not do it if it was clearly what my host wanted.

I think your parents are being silly.

[ruddynorah]

gosh they actually would rather not come over to see you than take their shoes off??! wow! they can be as as they like about your rules but surely it's not that big a deal?

fwiw i prefer people to take their shoes off too. i don't insist upon it, but most see that we leave our shoes at the door so they do the same.

MIL and PIL carry slippers with them at all times for when they visit people with no shoes rules.

[minipie]

I'm torn on this one.

On the one hand it's usually no big deal to take shoes off (though bear in mind some people are embarrassed about their feet).

On the other hand you are basically telling guests that your floor is more important than their comfort. Which I imagine your parents may find a bit rude.

Personally, I'd let your parents wear their shoes.

[abr1de]

I think it's odd to ask grown up visitors to take off their shoes.

And I live in a very muddy/dusty part of the world and have pale carpets and wooden floors. Children are a different matter and my husband usually puts on indoor shoes when he's indoors but I wouldn't expect my parents or in-laws to de-shoe. They'd think that was a bit odd.

[potoftea]

I wonder is it because as your parents they've put up with you wrecking their house for many years and now are annoyed at your new attitude.

I don't mean that in any insulting way, but I'm sure you were a normal child who damaged stuff, spilled food, and generally wore out furniture and floors like all our children do. And now they feel put out that you are so careful about your own things.

I remember reading a joke where the father went to visit his son's new home and went in and out of every room leaving on the lights all over the house. When asked about it he said he's waited over 20 years to do that and get his own back .

[Oblomov]

Everywhere I go I am asked to take off my shoes. By my sil, my friend round the corner. Most people. Seems the norm.
I don't like it. I insist people come into our house with their shoes on. 'come in, come in, oh don't worry about that', I say. But many want to take them off and do so.

Why is this like this. where did it all come from ?

[ShinyAndNew]

potoftea, last time my mum was at my house she refused a cup of coffee because it was Co-Op and not branded. As a child I would refuse to eat because she bought Smart Price stuff and I claimed it was equal to trying to poison me

When I moved all of my food was going to be branded. I'd never buy cheap rubbish

Although in this case, I did point out that Co-Op Fair Trade coffee is in now way comparable to Asda Farm Foods crisps

[Oblomov]

This is your parents. Let it go. One person/couple not taking their shoes off won't hurt/damage your floor. it is a bit stubborn of them, but please just let this go.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

Could you offer to keep a slippers for them at your house?

I can understand why you don't want your floors scratched, but I've always thought it a bit strange to take your shoes off, although I don't mind doing it for other people.

My SIL is absolutely insistent that they will all take their shoes off when they come here (not often!) which perplexes me, as I don't mind! We have reclaimed floor boards, and yes, they are trashed- the kids push dolls buggies etc over them, bash them with hammers/ juice cups- shoes seem the least of my problems!

I am also a bit funny about feet, so I'm not all that keen on people taking their shoes off- I'd rather have a bit of dirt than sweaty socks, fungal infections or verrucas- bleurgh! (I realise this is just MY perception of feet, but I really dislike them!)

[PatsyStone]

I don't think yabu, but I know a lot of people think that asking that shoes are taken off is somehow rude and over precious. Personally I think it is better for our floors, and secondly I think it is unhygenic anyway. I am sure I read that levels of pollutants from outside such as lead are much lower in Japanese homes probably due to the custom of removing outdoor shoes (very hazy memory of reading this though) Plus I remember dh friend smearing dog poo on our floor, ugh.

I don't know how you could resolve the situation with your parents, it seems very stubborn of them. Would they feel better if you had some slippers for them at your house?

[diddl]

I think it´s really rude to keep shoes on in someone elses house.

We don´t walk around our house in shoes & wouldn´t dream of doing it at anyone elses house.

[PestoMonster]

I agree with diddl

Surely nobody wants outside dirt walked all through their house do they?

[scurryfunge]

Can you buy them each a pair of indoor shoes as a gift that they keep at your home?

[uglymugly]

It could be an age/generation thing, depending on your parents' ages. When I was younger, it just wasn't the done thing to walk around in the house without shoes or slippers. If they're not used to walking with bare feet or just socks/tights it could take time for them to feel comfortable. Also, they could be worried about slipping on the wood flooring - for older people that can be a real concern.

Shiny's suggestion of footwear for them to change into when they visit is a good one.

[MrsC2010]

YANBU in wanting people to take their shoes off, but I certainly wouldn't be going to these lengths over my own parents to be honest. If it is going to be such a stumbling block for them (I know the 'elder' generation do have different ideas, walking around barefoot etc might seem a bit strange outside of their own home) then I would just let it go. If they won't go for slippers that is. I certainly wouldn't put them on the spot any further, just reply to your mum and day that it's ok, you didn't realise it would be such a problem but you have spent a fortune on your floors so please make sure they don't bring stones in etc! That way you are conceding gracefully but getting you point across.

Just my opinion though.

[Chandon]

my parents have arthritic hands and bad backs, and I would not dream of asking them to take their shoes off, as it´s such an effort for them.

Anyway, I think getting a new floor and then being all precious about it is quite silly, as someone mentioned, a floor is for walking on!

I never ask people to take shoes off, unless it is muddy or snowing, wearing wellies etc.

I think having to take shoes off is a relatively new thing (as are "Facebook", "childfree weddings", the "because I´m worth it attitude") and people over 50 should be exempted from this newfangledness!

[sleepingsowell]

Ok ideally perhaps politeness would dictate they would offer to take shoes off

However, likewise it is the height of bad manners to ask people to take shoes off, and even more so to make an issue of it. People matter more than floors.

I think my uncle and aunt have it perfectly; they provide numerous pairs of (clean, new!) slippers at the door for people to use - but they would not dream of asking.

[ClaraJo]

At home we all tend to kick our shoes off when we go upstairs, because we have pale(ish) carpets, but we wear them downstairs unless they're covered in mud, in which case they get taken off in the porch. If visitors do the same, ie take them off to avoid walking mud through, fine, but not ordinarily - I'd find that a bit presumptuous, if I'm honest. Maybe it's because I feel pretty 'ugh' about taking my shoes off in other people's houses, so I totally see where your parents are coming from. (In fact, the start of DP's rift with my parents started when they insisted he take his shoes off. The few times he did it, it made him feel so uncomfortable in their house that there came a point where he refused to ever set foot in it again. He actually said their attitude was 'bloody rude', as if he couldn't be trusted to wipe his feet or check whether there were stones in his shoes.)
Call me odd, but I don't actually like the intimacy of seeing the home-owners' socked feet padding around. And I just find slippers bizarre in the middle of the day. Can we call a truce, and make it flip-flops all round?

[Carameli]

Thanks for all the replies. Have already bought slippers but that made my mum think I was plotting how to sort her out! Her words.
Never been a problem for anyone else so a bit shocked by their attitude but might end up giving.in or else not having them over. What a situation to be in.

[diddl]

Tell them to bring their slippers or buy them a pair each!

Sorry-your mum & dad are being really pig headed imo.

"Your house-your rules"