to think it's not helpful when people are overly negative about FF?

[lunartictoc]

Hi
Have been reading boards for a while under a different name, but wanted to post slightly contentious issue under new name.
AIBU to think that when discussing the merits of BF V FF, it is really unhelpful when some BF advocates try to strengthen their case with really negative comments/facts/ideas about FF? ie discussing how F-fed children are more prone to illness (including serious, like cancer) that it can lead to health problems for mothers, that it can cause obesity etc? I absolutely catergorically cannot BF my DS as much as I would have loved to - it is medically impossible. So I did a bit of research on FF, and many search engine results point here to MN. It scared me half to death reading what some posters have said about FF - I have no option, and without FF my son would have no milk at all! Some statistics (and indeed vitriol from the more judgemental posters) have just made me feel so upset and that I am being a bad mother, and damaging my DS in some way. I understand that pro-BF parents are keen to educate, and I understand that many F-feeders do so due to lack of support/education etc, but I think that there are many better ways to get across this message. Perhaps I am being over-sensitive, but some comments have really upset me! AIBU?

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

It's hard isn't it?

I am a failed bfer for child #1 and succeeded with #2

I'm not sure that AIBU is the best place for this kind of discussion, it'll just get all shouty and pointy-fingered

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Yanbu. Nothing annoys me more on Mumsnet than the extreme pro breast feeders who think nothing of frightening the women like you who already feel bad about not breast feeding. And indeed the people who would just prefer to formula feed anyway. And I say this as someone who is annoyed by quite a few people on mumsnet, but this "anti formula" group, shall we call them, really takes the .

[5inthebed]

YANBU, some people can be too pro-BF.

BALD is right though, AIBU board is not the place for this sort of discussion.

[kitcat1977]

I'd say that it depends entirely on the circumstances. Under yours you have no choice but to FF, so there's no point worrying about something you have no control over (easier said than done!) However where FF v BF is purely down to personal choice and determination, surely it's best to be familiar with all the arguments?

[runnybottom]

Yeah, those nasty facts getting in the way. We should all say only nice things about everything, so you don't get upset.


Seriously, I'm sympathetic, but if you're sensitive about it, just don't read it. You can't expect people not to talk about the facts and their opinions.

[posieparker]

Should people lie? I understand that it's upsetting to hear the arguments for breastfeeding and against formula but they exist because they're true. However I think this board is very supportive when people can't or have problems with ff.

YABOS.

[2shoes]

yanbu

[bibbitybobbityhat]

But why keep trotting out these facts? Do you think it makes any difference to people's choices?

[ChoChoSan]

Feed your baby in the best way you can, taking all of your circumstances into condsideration, and take no notice of anyone who is just being a bitch for the sake of it...I see these threads from time to time, and it's extremely rare to find a case where someone hasn't made a considered decision about feeding, yet some people seem to make a hullaballoo regardless.

I was FF, and I am okay. As were many of my peers...in fact, we are all okay! hurrah!

[5DollarShake]

"But why keep trotting out these facts?"

Because there are first-time Mums getting pregnant each and every passing day. The info doesn't expire - it needs to be passed on to everyone.

YANBU but YABOS.

Do what you need to do, and be confident in your own choice. You know you made the right choice for you and yours, that's all that matters. Other women shouldn't be deprived of info simply b/c some people are a bit sensitive (meant in the nicest possible way).

[VengefulKitty]

YANBU.

[lunartictoc]

runnybottom I realise that there are certain facts that are indisputable - I'm not stupid! However, as I mentioned, many search engines do lead here and many of these "facts" are not all 100% correct.

When you are unfamiliar with MN (as I was when I first started doing the old FF research) it DID worry me - when all I was trying to do was work out what the best formula for DS would be, to be met with a plethora of claims that he would be swamped with problems and life-threatening illnesses.
With a sane and clear head on, I would have taken it all at face-value - but going through the medical problems that I went through as well as becoming a first-time mother, it meant I just felt as though I was going to do my child some damage!
I don't feel like a failure - it is completely out of my control, but I do feel as though it isn't particularly helpful.
I agree, 5dollarshake that women need to be aware of the choices and be given every support they can - that was my point - scaring people isn't helpful - particularly when there is no choice?
I read another thread on here where many people said that they "judged" mums who ff. I'm glad that people are honest, and it is now my choice to read these threads to find out what people think - but it does make me sad and a little self-conscious sometimes.
I don't think I'm a sensitive person - but when I first came across MN I was especially vulnerable. It is several months on, now, which is why I wanted to post on AIBU - I genuinely want to know what people think, and this is a great place for open debate

[larks35]

I think it best when undertaking research on the internet to avoid forums as they are opinion - based, not reliable sources of well-researched information. As an IT teacher I feel that his is one of the most important aspects of the curriculum, teaching kids to know the diffence between fact and opinion on the net.
TBH, most of the stuff on the net is either opinion or "facts" based on other people's research.

[lunartictoc]

I know larks35, but as I mentioned - many search engines lead here, and once the thought is implanted then it stays there, even if unsubstantiated. And maybe some people genuinely don't realise?

[posieparker]

It's weird but the slogan breast is best and bf being 'natural' were the only things I needed to know about bf. I had thought that I probably wouldn't do it and I would find it weird, but I didn't and although poor advice(before I discovered MN) from a GP meant that I only fed DS1 for 16 weeks, I never felt guilty or worried about ff.

[Morloth]

Upsetting facts are still facts. What would you prefer? Honest question, if you are unhappy with facts being presented what is the alternative just not talking about it?

[lunartictoc]

of course not Morloth - but there are ways of saying things and providing balance, and there is no need for judgement on people. Also, not all the "facts" I read/heard were actual facts - once I'd done some more proper research I felt much better about some of the unsubstantiated claims I'd heard. I know that this is a public forum encouraging opinion and debate, and fwiw I agree wholeheartedly with the need to educate - but, as I said, when the choice is taken away from you, it is unhelpful to hear about the detractors of ff in so many negative - far better to hear about the positives of bf iyswim?
I suppose it's more important to those of us who can't do it, and would love to, as it seems like a much bigger deal than it probably is

[lunartictoc]

in so many negative ways that should have said

[RubyBuckleberry]

'far better to hear about the positives of bf iyswim?'

someone is being completely slammed on the other thread for being positive because it is seen as smug up their arseness! to someone who is bitter about FF, anyone saying anything remotely negative about FF or positive about BF will get the whole BF Nazi thing. It's ridiculous.

[Baileysismyfriend]

YANBU.

[sterrryerryoh]

I don't think you're being unreasonable, lunartictoc (awesome name )
I think it's very hard to have the choice taken away from you, and I can understand why some of the more out-there ideas can be upsetting. Hopefully you feel much better now - but I agree. Sometimes it's very unhelpful, and I don't think you're being too sensitive to be bothered by these things.
Often-times you don't know how you're going to feel until it happens to you, and maybe that's why some people don't automatically empathise, and don't realise why their well-meaning and intelligent educative comments, can actually strike an upsetting chord for some readers.
All the best

[Morloth]

We read things through our own filters. I don't think there is any way of discussing the benefits of breastfeeding that will not result in someone somewhere feeling bad about FF because it isn't about what is written it is about how you are feeling when you read it.