to really struggle to respect my father

[verbatim]

There is a bit of history to this. In a nutshell my parents got divorced a few years ago. The divorce was long, protracted and bitter. My father had a long list of infidelities and added to this during the course of the marriage he was aggressive to my mother.

Anyway, I have managed to keep some kind of relationship going but I am really starting to struggle with him (partly because of the way he treated my mum). The problem is that I am finding that he is becoming really hard to deal with. We have nothing in common at all. He thinks I am boring and he has more or less told me on numerous occasions (tbh I am a bit, as I have monomaniacal tendencies). In addition to this, we can't really have a proper discussion because he gets really aggressive if anyone disagrees with him.

AIBU to really struggle with him this much? Does anyone else have this problem with their parents or is it just me? If so, please can you let me know how you deal with it.

[Irishchic]

My father sounds just like yours. He was hateful to my mum and all of his 6 kids and if anyone disagreed with him over his behaviour he cut them out of his life.

Needless to say that happened to me, and now we have no contact. I am much happier and feel like a weight has been lifted off. Trying to keep someone like my father happy was exhausting and stressful. Life is too short for that.

[verbatim]

I am trying to not cut him out of my life. I don't know why. I think it is because I want DS to know his grandparents. You are right though - it is exhausting.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

It's all very well to want your DS to know his grandparents, but do you want your DS to have to deal with an aggressive old man who is openly disrespectful of his mother (you)? Is that really in your DS's best interests?

[overmydeadbody]

Of course YANBU, just because he happens to be realted to you doesn't mean you have to get on with the guy, and certainly doesn't mean you have to respect him.

Respect is something that has to be earnt.

Just keep contact with him to a minimum. How old is your DS? What kind of relationship so the two of them have? How is he with kids? If he's fine with your DS just engineer it so they get to see each other without you having to suffer and endure it too.

[verbatim]

DS is a year. My dad is so much fun with kids which is why I have continued seeing him. Also, he is so bad at looking after himself I end up feeling obliged to be a part time carer.

I think I will keep contact to as little as possible now.

[AnyFucker]

don't struggle too hard !

I don't respect my father

he has never even tried to earn it

some people just don't deserve it

keep your contact to a minimum and don't feel bad

we don't owe our parents anything IMO

only give of your time and affection what feels right...anything else is social convention and not worth worrying about

[Irishchic]

Agree with Anyfucker.

If your Dad is good with your DS fair enough if you want them to keep contact.

Other than that, limit your contact to whatever you can take, keep it on your terms. If someone is toxic for you, no matter whether they are a blood relative or not, you should not feel you have to give them your time.

I am all for trying and giving people chances, but if it starts to affect your health be it emotional or physical, then do whatever you need to do, for yourself and your family.