To think that my ex-H is the biggest fuckty twunt ever?

[monkeyfacegrace]

So the saga continues ladies...

Well last week, our family had the chance to go on holiday very last minute for free. We were needing a break, so thought excellent!

Anyhow, it was Mon-Fri, and so my dd (3) had to miss her 2 hour visit to her father Thurs pm.

I text him and si last min hol etc, no reply.

Cue droping her off the weekend before (he has her Sat am-Mon am, to a barrell of insults (in front of dd), so I camly gave her a cuddle, told her to have a lovely time and smiled and walked back to my car.

If he hadnt have subjected me and my dd to that, I would have actually let him know that he could have seen her Fri pm instead.

Now today I have had an intimidating letter from his solicitor sayin if it happens again Im bak in court!

Now, correct me if Im wrong, but childs needs are first yes? So should she have missed a holiday for the sake of delaying hr visit by 24 hours?

And why the fuck cant someone who married me talk to me like a human being?!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Rant over!

[monkeyfacegrace]

Scuse the typos, shite keyboard.

[kinnies]

What a twat!

Make sure you reply to the letter explaining that Ex-h could see Dc on friday and this was a one off because a chance of a holiday came up.
Also make sure you add that abusing you in front of Dc is not on!
Obv keep a copy.

The man sounds like a tool. Glad hes your X.

[Northernlurker]

The way he spoke to you was plainly wrong but....how would you react to a text saying he had the chance to take her away so she wouldn't be coming back on Monday but Tuesday instead? I understand why you wanted the holiday but I can also see why he was piossed off.

[megonthemoon]

I don't know your back story, so there may be valid reasons for texting him rather than talking, but I'll say this anyway:

You texted him to tell him this? Really? and then get upset that he won't "talk to you like a human being"?

TBH I might well be a bit pissed off if this is how I was told that my visitation with a DC was being changed at short notice. For all you know he may have had something lovely planned for her. If he has the legal right to see his dauighter on a Thurs then you have to get his permission to change that, not just tell him it is changing without him having a say!

And re putting the child's needs first - I personally think it is more important for a child to see their father than go on a holiday. And you do say that you were going to tell him he could have Friday, implying that you hadn't actually offered that at the start, just told him Thurs was off. So no wonder he was feeling unreasonable!

So however much of an idiot he may be (and he probably would have been better off not to go down the threatening letters route), you didn't exactly deal with this well, did you?

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Buttttt...

I don't think it's okay to just text your ex to let him know that his contact is cancelled for that day, all unilaterally like. You didn't tell him he could've had the Friday in the text, right? In fact you didn't tell him that at all, because of the insults.

So all he knows is, you've up and decided to just cancel the Thursday access, without asking him if it's okay, and texted him to let him know.

Sorry, I don't think that's actually on.

[ginnny]

A phone call would have been better, then you could have offered him the Friday instead and at least tried to have an adult conversation.

He was totally out of order to shout at you in front of dd like that though.

[monkeyfacegrace]

He wont answer phonecalls to me, without more insults. Lots and lots of back story.
Northern, if he was taking her to the beach/zoo/somewhere lovely, tbh no I wouldnt mind if he kept her a day later. Shes going to have fun, surely?

Last time I offered an extra contact day (again via text) I had to literally beg. His response? I cant as I am on my works xmas do and will be too hungover!! Bear in mind he hadnt seen her for 3 weeks,and cancelled his access as he booked a last min hol with new girlf.

Too much history to fill you all in, check my last threads if anyone wants!

Just needed to let off steam...

[monkeyfacegrace]

Sorry another think that has been bothering me that I need your advice on.

She came home saying 'daddy said mummys a meanie' a few weeks back, and has kept going on and on about how mummys mean since.
She said it to me in front of him and he was bent over double laughing.

There is NO talking to him, so how do I deal with it? Do I ignore it? I got really upset earlier, and sat her down and told her he was naughty to say that, and that she isnt to speak to me like that again.

I dont wanna confuse the poor kid

[megonthemoon]

He sounds like a prize twt.

But I think it would really help if you can find a way to communicate with him better - perhaps even email would be better than a text as you can be a bit more detailed and also keep it as a record of how you communicate with him - so he has absolutely no reason to be pissed off with you and you have proof of how you tried to deal with it. And also it would be good if you try and be as faithful to your visitation agreements as possible - so don't tell him you're changing it just because something else has come up, but explain that something has and would it be okay if you swap Thurs for Fri etc. That way there would never be any excuse for it to go back to court as you had properly asked him, or if it did get that far then you would have proof that you were making reasonable requests, asking his permission etc - i.e. not just deciding yourself that his visitation should be changed.

I know this is all going to be easier for me to say than you to do, but as he is such a twt then antagonising him via text by saying "you can't have dd on thurs as we're going on holiday" is just going to make things worse.

[mistlethrush]

MFG - I can see that there is lots of history and also that you cannot ring him.

I do think that the text without a suggested alternative day was perhaps a little antagonistic.

I would, however, follow Kinnies advice and follow up with a return letter to the solicitor - very polite, but to the effect that, as he was making such a scene in front of dd and you couldn't get a word in edgewise, you were unable to discuss the potential for him to have her on an alternative night - and you were going to suggest the Friday as the nearest appropriate alternative.

I might also put in that, as his contact with dd was shelved at the last minute so that he could go on holiday with his gf, you thought that he might have been a bit more accommodating to change the day of contact so that dd could enjoy a holiday too.