to turn the hv away at the door yesterday?

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

When she booked the appt for ds2's 18 month check for 11.30am I said yes, but did explain that ds2 had lunch about 12.00 and had his nap afterwards. She said that was fine. I also offered to go to clinic as that was what I had to do for ds1, but she said it was normal for them to visit us at home.

By 12.00 there was no sign of her so I rang her office where the clerk said she was out on her calls but she didn't know her mobile number and had no way of contacting her.
So when she turned up at 12.15pm (without a phone call to say she was running late and was it still ok) I explained that we were eating lunch (we'd not long started as had been waiting for her) then ds2 was going to bed as he was tired.

She was a little stroppy and said that she could not come out again but she had to do his developmental check and I would have to go to clinic to see her after baby clinic which I have agreed to.

AIBU to have turned her away yesterday? I think if she'd have rung to say she was running so late I could have given ds2 his lunch a little earlier and kept him up but as we had no idea if she was coming or not, I carried on as usual.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

She wasnt that late and no I personally wouldnt have turned her away for running a little late. Your DS was awake and the 12 month check takes only a few minutes from memory.

[moomaa]

Yes I think you were a bit unreasonable. It isn't that much of a big deal to have had her in and sit at the table to start the talk while you were both still eating and then do the check before his sleep.

[onepieceoflollipop]

I can see both sides of this tbh. I am a community mental health nurse. It is very tricky to give an exact time when making a home visit. Personally I think the hv should have given a guideline time and stressed she couldn't arrive on the dot of 11.30am or whenever.

It's not bad time management (not in my case anyway) the nature of the work means that some clients may need more or less time spending. Often people are out when you call, making you early for the next person. Or she may have got caught up in a child protection meeting or something. Of course in busy cities the traffic varies a massive amount too.

She should have had her phone with her of course, for health and safety reasons as well as courtesy.

[mylifemykids]

Are you serious????

I don't understand it when people say they HAVE to have lunch/a nap at a certain time. One day of having it a little later isn't going to do any harm surely??

[WeddingDaze]

No i don't think you were, she didn't need to be at your home for the check and you had offered to go to the surgery instead.

If you had asked that it be done at home, then i'd have said you were bu.

[pagwatch]

well if it makes any difference she does not have to do a developmental check at all.

Checks are offered for you if you want them, same as weighing, clinics and vaccinations.

I personally would not have accpeted an appointment that required her to be very prompt as I think it is unrealistic to expect her to be absoloutely on time when she is dealing with people - things can easily run over.
But her being hisspy beacuse she thinks she has to do it is an attempt to make you feel in the wrong rather than just perhaps a little unreasonable.

So both really - YABU and she is BU

[Baileysismyfriend]

I think you are being unreasonable and a bit petty to be honest.

[MaisietheMorningsideCat]

No, YANBU

An 18mth check is not just going to take 5 minutes, is it? She was 45 minutes late for the appointment, the test would have taken 30 odd minutes, you were in the middle of your lunch and then it was nap time. No, seems reasonable to me, esp. as you'd offered to go to the surgery instead.

[Sproggle]

I wouldn't have expected her on the dot but agree she could have let you know she was running late.

Personally, I'm not one of these clockwork routine people so I can't understand why he had to nap the very instant he finished his lunch. If that level of inflexibility is what works for you then you probably need to understand that sometimes life will become more complicated because of your insistence on sticking rigidly to routines.

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

Seems a bit odd that she insisted on seeing you at home despite your offer to go to clinic. Your DS was tired, so you should have kept him awake for someone you couldn't get ahold of, and who was already running late, and who you didn't know when would arrive?

No, YANBU.

[MaisietheMorningsideCat]

That's fine on occasion, Sproggle (love the name, btw ), but if a change in routine can be avoided then it should be. I suppose you either 'do' routines or you don't - personally I love them, and they suit our family.

[foxytocin]

this thing will kick off, won't it.

[OrmRenewed]

Yes. Very.

[Pikelit]

I predict "Sprogglegate

[Cadelaide]

YABU and a bit too...well... regimented imo.

[foxytocin]

pmsl at 'sprogglegate'.

[foxytocin]

and you wish you were more organised?

[Vallhala]

You do not have to have your child seen by a HV, at home, at a clinic or anywhere else. If she'd said that to me I would have slammed the door in her face. I've only had one HV appointment in my life though I have 2 children.

A bit of common sense on both parts wouldn't have gone amiss. You could have been more flexible about lunch and naptimes (do you really want your lifestyle regimented and hampered by this?), the HV could have had the sense to carry a mobile and the courtesy to use it to forewarn you of the delay.

[smallorange]

Bloody ridiculous.

It really wouldn't have made an ounce of difference to you to have your lunch interrupted.

She's been sent away like some door to door salesman. You should be embarrassed.

[BooHooo]

YABU - you turned her away at the door? because your LO was due for a nap? Woh that is super regimented

[Pikelit]

If the OP is this inflexible now, I can only imagine that the years to come are going to be congested with outrage. I'd get a Facebook page up and running ready...

[thighsmadeofcheddar]

One day late nap not going to hurt anybody.
I think YABU. How often are all your appointments exactly on time? I regularly wait 20-30 mins for my doctors appointments.

[lololol]

I think you were a bit unreasonable.

The NHS is not perfect, it has many problems but overall it is a good thing. If you specified that you wanted her gone by 12.00 (sounds like you did) then she should not have made the 11.30 appointment with you as she should know that the nature of her job makes it very difficult for her to keep to these times.

The NHS resource was late coming to you so you decided to refuse the HV entry. That is a bit more "wastage" and "inefficiency" for the NHS. I'm not saying it was your fault (it wasn't your fault) - but you could have helped the NHS avoid this tiny bit of wastage by agreeing to be a bit flexible.

We all need to cooperate for society to function and sometimes this can be extremely pissing off when you are always the one having to change your plans for other people.

These checks are optional anyway. I refused DS's 2 year check (and that was 2 years ago now) and I am about to refuse DD's 2 year check as well. I figure this saves the NHS time and money and saves me time as well.

[diddl]

I also think YABU.

If the doctor´s running late, do you metaphorically slam the door in his face?

[EdgarAllenSnow]

YANBU - you arranged a time. she was 45 mins late. If this was a meeting for work purposes and you had been late without a phone call would you be suprised at having to re-schedule? No-one would be. Just because you are a mummy doesn't give people any right to treat your time without respect.