Don't know the colleague but the friend is a very good friend. Totally sounds like an urban legend though doesn't it?!

Suppose all of those stories must be based on the truth at some point..

StayingSynny- yes I should've waited!

Anyway back to smacking..

mmmmm i do like a stiffie

But I'd argue that they grow out of much of it and constant repetition and other strategies achieve the rest. Just couldn't hit, it's horrible.

Lenin - when I personally said that my 3 sharp taps/smacks to ds didn't hurt I assume they didn't as he didn't cry or rub the area that hurt and no mark or bruise was left.

I did it to shock him into ceasing his dramatics when his safety was an issue and he seemed to have gone completely deaf and I must have disappeared from the way he was ignoring me.

It was a last ditch attempt and afterwards, I calmly explained to him in the best way that I could that I was sorry for smacking him but at the time I felt it was the only way I could get through to him. Only then did he cry.

I don't agree with smacking as the norm (see my earlier post about my own abuse - not smacking - but that was what made me against physical chastisement) and I felt awful after, but at the time that is what I did and I understand that it can happen when a parent is at the end of his/her tether.

I live with that even though I felt like a lesser parent, I don't regret what I did as he never repeated any of the actions that bought about the smack.

Since ds turned 4 (he is now 5) he has never been smacked as he can understand consequences now.

Just my story though, I have no idea what others answer would be to you...

All kids are learning how to behave. Physical violence towards them seems counter-intuitive to me. And to all those who say it's only a tap, it doesn't hurt, blah, blah, blah, why bother then?

I smack.. i have no issues in saying i smack.

I dont think its wrong, nor do i think its abusive.. but i do have some very strict guidelines surrounding it.

DS has a 'three strikes and you're out' rule.
1st offence - asked not to do it again
2nd offence - told not to do it again
3rd offence - warned if its repeated he will get a smack.
4th offence - threatened punishment carried out.

I dont always choose to smack, sometimes it might be a time out, it depends on whats happening... but once i've made the threat, its followed through with.

I only ever smack him on the bum.. which is well padded with nappy, vest & trousers.

I think there are degrees of hitting. A light smack on the hand is one thing, the way my mum used to hit us is quite another. (thrashed on the bottom with a stick/shoe/wooden spoon/coat hanger while we cried, yelled sorry and she yelled 'sorry's not good enough' and carried on hitting.
Her motto was 'you do not hit a child until he cries, or until he says sorry, but until he REPENTS' I always thought that was a justification for hitting us as long as she felt like it.
Saggy - I'm finding that I get shouty quite often I'm getting better, but I feel so awful when I've lost my rag and shouted.

chegirl, I agree. I too have decided recently that I must stop shouting. I never used to be a shouter. it is something that crept up on me. It is not good. and not effective.
saying that, this will clearly be an ongoing goal. because yesterday after weeks of minor rudeness, back-chat and numerous other minor irritating things I lost it and really shouted at ds1.
In the playground today another mum, who has a similar dd as my ds, whose child doesn't respond to withdrawl of priveledges told me that she had stopped her dd going to the party yesterday. her dd didn't care. I had threatened ds with not going and now wished I had implemented that. but I suspect that ds1 would also have not cared. nothing gets to him. nothing. the mum and I were talking about how we were failing with our kohn'ism. I told her that I had thought of threatening to smack ds1 on sunday. but realised that I couldn't threaten it. but i wanted to.
Oh my parenting is failing. I am not alone, I know this.
God help me.

Sorry this post is not actually related to this thread. hope you don't mind me just noting all this down on here.

chegirl as laid back and as easy going as i am i still have a little way to go with the shouting, its not often it happens and i know perfection isnt something anyone will ever achieve, but i do struggle with myself if i have had a shouty episode,mind you not nearly as much as the ankle kick episode!