at kerala and fernie

My friend's DH delivered their dd2 in the back of a cab and he didnt get a card or a present .

neenz I had her while being rushed from the bathroom (which is where I was when my husband said it) to labour room, I was shoved through the door and just about got to the bed before she popped out while the midwife was running around pulling the emergency cord..

Its really hard walking/running with a baby sticking out between your legs I learned that on that day.

ahh memories

My dh didn't want to be at the birth, and I didn't want him there either - I had my friend ( a mum of four) and my mum and it was great. As it turned out, it was just as well, as ds was prem and dh was away at sea and didn't know ds had been born until 3 days after the event.

I don't see what the fuss is about - if you are happy that your dh doesn't want to be there, is it anyone else's business?

" whats the point just have it here"

Hilarious

Did you just have it there?

my husband was at all three of mine. The first he found moving the bed up and down entertained him, the second he was in the background a bit because I had pre eclampsia and it was all a bit rusehd etc the third the midwfie didnt believe that I was in labour (aparently me telling her wasnt evidence enough) and when I started nagging at him to fetch her again his answer was " whats the point just have it here".

He was useless but I wouldnt have wanted anyone else there but him

Ah well, as to the OP, I think it's 'freaking weird' that people get as het up as they do over other people's present-giving choices. The fuss on here about presents for either parent after a child is born is, frankly, odd. Someone else referred to a 'baby bubble' - and isn't that just it?

megapixels, my husband wouls also have felt patronised if I´d given him a gift.

He wasn´t at the "business end" either-he was there more as company for me, tbh, not as a birthing partner.

He did manage to cut the cord, though.

Hello, OP here. I see that the thread has moved on quite a bit! I am not saying that the father has to be at the birth itself, that is why I said
"Wouldn't any father want to be around when his child make their arrival, to want to be one of the first to see them, even if it's just to sit outside the ward (if they're squeamish or something).

When was that any type of special behaviour that warrants a gift?

And Anniemac where on earth did you get the impression that I wanted men at the business end during childbirth? My dh stayed well away, he was there for me throughout both births, he even looked taken aback when the midwife asked if he wanted to cut the cord, and refused. Of course if he wanted to be at the business end, that is fine too, I wouldn't go rushing out to Clintons to get him a balloon and card.

Maybe like someone else says our opinions are coloured by our own birth experiences and our own relationships, I feel that I'll be patronising my dh if I give him a thank you gift for being at our childrens' births. It's his children too, he's not just doing it for me.

Myess, I suppose that would follow. But at the same time, you have to recognise that there are two people involved in the birthing experience- so it isn't just about the man. If my dh had admitted that he was worrying more about his future sexual performance than about my loneliness in the birthing room (and my sexuality!), I would have been angry and a bit worried for the future. After all, I was going to need this man to be strong for all sorts of shitty occasions associated with fatherhood: he has had to watch his child unconscious and (as we thought at the time) dying in hospital, he has had to take his child to medical tests for a potentially fatal condition, he's going to have to do the latter again: he can't afford to be someone who worries about himself first, any more than I can as a mother.

This is not to trivialise your dh's very special circumstances. But the unusual circumstance there, if I have understood it correctly, is that he has been at a birth that went wrong and that you haven't? If it had been your child that died, would you have been as understanding of your dh leaving alone to give birth to the second, because of his trauma? I have never been in a situation where dh has suffered a trauma over the children which I haven't shared. And if it is a shared trauma, then I don't see why the man should opt out any more than the woman.