Mumsnet Discussions - to think that 5 is too young for after-school playdates?

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to think that 5 is too young for after-school playdates?

(73 Posts)

By Sat 07-Nov-09 10:55:49 Add message | Report | Contact poster

I'm not talking about meeting up with ol, "known them since 6 months old" friends, but rather about "DD seems to be making a new friend at school, better have them over to play" occasions.

Left to my own devices it wouldn't have occurred to me to start these so early, but DD has been invited to other people's houses a number of times so naturally I have invited these children back.

On almost every occasion the child and DD have disagreed over what to play with and retreated to different parts of the house, leaving me to flit between them giving DD swift --kicks up the backside-- pep talks about how to behave with guests, and jollying along the friend (usually a virtual stranger) so she doesn't get too freaked out. I often get the feeling that DD would actually prefer to be on her own although she claims not to want the friend to leave at the end.

So -AIBU to think that they are a bit young for this type of socialising, especially after school when they are tired? I wonder how many of us are doing it so that our DCs don't get left out, rather than because they actually enjoy these occasions.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 13:13:55

It depends on the child. And it depends on the child coming to tea.

My DD loves having friends over for tea and has since she started pre-prep - so aged four. Although she has siblings her brother has SN and so sometimes in the vening it was just her on her own. She plays well and is independent and can entertain herself but having friends for tea is actually a great option for me as she is not vying for my attention.

I never let them last too long and always arranged a pick up time. I would have something for them to do if they couldn't find a mutual activity. And if they argued or stopped playing together I found saying to both of them
" you could play on the trampoline/do these sticker books/set up x game or whatever . If you can't find something you would like to do nicely together then I can always phone x's mummy and tell her that she should come and get x now rather than later"
ALWAYS worked. without fail.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 13:02:31

In our street all the kids are in and out of each other's houses, especially in the summer.
I childmind and they know not to come over when i'm working, but as soon as I've put the baby stuff away then I get at least 4 or 5 kids in the house as my daughters invite their friends over.
My parents used to do the same when I was young, us kids went from house to house (or flat to flat) when I was 6yrs old.
All part of childhood memories grin

Just don't think about cleaning up until nighttime!

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 12:32:13

I think "rubbish" is a bit harsh dilemma456, even on an AIBU thread.

During half term DD had a friend over for the morning. The girls disappeared into her room for two hours then came down for lunch, which they ate hungrily and politely. It was fab. If all of the occasions were like that, then I wouldn't be posting on this topic.

I think my point is this: if they're not mature enough/ good enough friends to entertain themselves without me hovering over them making peace, then what it the purpose of the "playdate" (for want of a better word)?

I suppose if that kind of intervention/ direction comes naturally to you then you may find it a completely normal state of affairs. For the reasons I've given, however, I am unable and unwilling to run crafting workshops for unknown children in the hope that they will choose to be friends with DD as a result. I am pretty sure that my mum and my friends' mums never did this kind of thing for us when we were kids.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 10:36:50

No.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 10:27:54

I hate them too, it's a nightmare to arrange as well, dd's friends all seem to do an activity every night, she only does one thing a week. They never eat anything, or much and it annoys me.
Really wondering if it's worth the hassle.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 10:22:20

kids are all different, aren't they? when mine were that age, we did have the occasional child round to play- and some have now morphed into old friends

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 09:37:29

In my experience the OP is talking rubbish.

DD has been having after nursry and weekend playdates for over a year. We've experienced very few problems and they've generally played well together with only occassional fight.

DD's friend stayed her last night and is still here and they've been really happy most of the time with only one fight of any merit and even that only lasted 5 minutes.

Generally they've entertained each other leaving me free to mumsnet

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 09:30:25

Why have the horrible kids round? Whilst my kids are at an age where I can control who they play with I do so. Generally they haven't been best friends with obnoxious kids, but kids who were a pain just didn't get invited round more than once. I'm not running a creche.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 08:13:25

my kids are 10,9,7 and the success of having other kids to play is completely dependant on which kids come over.

There are some who always fight/ break stuff and others who are so delightful you would not even know they were in the house.
There are some kids I struggle not to actively loathe blush

I do hope my kids are not little brats at other people's houses

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 08:00:42

My kids were playing out and had other kids round by 5. Never called playdates, that's an american term that seems to have been adopted in parts of England. If a parent rang me asking if my kid could go round I'd discuss it with the child and ring the parent back. Usually it was just 1 of 3 or 4 friends they regularly played with though and the kids often discussed it in the playground "can I come and play with you" " do you want to come and play with me" and then ask the parent when they got home.
If DD isn't keen leave it but don't see 5 as too young. My eldest particularly loved having friends round once he started nursery at 4.

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to think that 5 is too young for after-school playdates?