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AIBU?

my ex + me + his new girlfriend + 5 days on a coach = argh

21 replies

mannishtrousers · 23/04/2009 20:51

Right I am not sure if I am being unreasonable but I am sure as hell CROSS so you tell me.

I had a relationship a while ago with a guy. It ended painfully but amicably (IYSWIM) and we have remained good friends and often work together. I do still have some feelings for him, but under control mostly.

Last year he persuaded me to organise a trip away for a few days for a work/social thing with a big group of us, and he promised he would help me with it. Well he hasn't but that's a separate issue. We are due to go away for five days on a coach in the summer. It has become apparent to me over the last month that he is starting something with another person coming on the trip. I am feeling very anxious about it because, to be honest, I really don't want to be stuck with the two of them for five days watching them all in the first throes of lurve. It will be painful and I will have to hide my emotions and lurching stomach the whole time.

I thought, though, that the best way to deal with it was to ask him to tell me what was going on so that I could have a chance to deal with it in private and get a grip of my emotions. At the moment I am guessing what is going on and it is making me anxious, because I am on edge waiting for someone else to mention it. He reacted extremely angrily to the suggestion and told me that it was none of my business etc etc.

I really really don't want to go, but really really can't get out of it (I am organising it). AIBU to want to know what is going on, and AIBU not to want to have to face this and deal with the strong emotions it brings up?

OP posts:

Report

oranges · 23/04/2009 20:53

why go? the thought of a long claustrophobic coach trip sounds hellish, tbh.

AnyFucker · 23/04/2009 20:54

one word for you...

why

mannishtrousers · 23/04/2009 20:55

I have to go, unfortunately. I can't really explain without giving away who I am (name changed) but I am organising it and it is complicated. To be fair, he can't really get out of it either.

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mannishtrousers · 23/04/2009 20:56

Why what? Why am I going or why do I keep on with this whole friendship?
Both very good questions.

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compo · 23/04/2009 20:57

life's too short
just dont go

mannishtrousers · 23/04/2009 20:58

Yes I know. I will have to lie though and say I am ill or something. I am organising and lots of my friends are going.
I know I have got myself into this ridiculous situation.

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oranges · 23/04/2009 20:58

I'd really cancel, regardless of consequences.

MintyyAeroEgg · 23/04/2009 20:59

Surely you can organise the trip to the nth degree up until and including the moment the coach departs. But then be standing in the carpark waving them off instead of actually on the coach. You can't go, you mustn't go, I forbid you to go. It will be shite.

mannishtrousers · 23/04/2009 21:00

Hmmm, sort of. There is lots to do on the trip itself. STUFF, every day. Sorry to be vague.
I am very tempted I must say, but it will look odd. And possibly sulky.

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mannishtrousers · 23/04/2009 21:01

I must say you are making me feel much better. I thought you would all say I was being spoilt and childish.

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mrsjammi · 23/04/2009 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

traceybath · 23/04/2009 21:03

Just be ill - a couple of days beforehand get gastric flu. You can then handover all documents/whatever to someone else.

Do not go - it will be utterly hideous. And if i was your friend i would think you were mad to go on trip.

Imagine it will also make it incredibly awkward for everyone if you're there.

Your ex is a knob i'm afraid for starting something in this type of situation - so uncomfortable for everyone involved.

traceybath · 23/04/2009 21:04

No chance him and new woman would bow out is there?

And was it something you really wanted to go on?

AnyFucker · 23/04/2009 21:05

life is too short to put yourself through such shit

truly, I would make my excuses now

make up some family crisis, you cannot possibly find further time to help with planning/preparations, and certainly cannot be there on the day

then distance yourself massively from this relationship

unless you like self-flagellation

mannishtrousers · 23/04/2009 21:05

God I feel so much better. I did try and talk to him about and he went completely mental.
It will be uncomfortable. But I would have been prepared to handle it if I had a bit more notice and he would talk to me about it.

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traceybath · 23/04/2009 21:09

He sounds very self-obsessed and if i were you based on what you've said i'd really wonder whether to even bother staying friends with him.

Because if i were him i'd be the one bowing out of the trip so as not to make you feel awkward.

AnyFucker · 23/04/2009 21:11

you owe him nothing

you owe your other work colleagues nothing, they will manage without you, nobody is indispensable (remember that, it is a very good life lesson)

you owe yourself some self-respect

skip this trip and spoil youself doing summink else

mannishtrousers · 23/04/2009 21:16

God he is certainly self obsessed. And I owe him nothing, for sure.

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Bluestocking · 23/04/2009 21:23

You mustn't go - it sounds like a nightmare. You must get someone else to be your backup "just in case I fall under the proverbial bus, ha ha" and get everything as organised as possible, then fall prey to gastric flu (perfect, no-one will want you on the bus if you have a really contagious stomach bug) and hand your perfectly arranged files over. It would be wonderfully cathartic to hand them over to the man in question, then he won't be able to snog the new bird because he'll be too busy dealing with the awkward passenger in seat 13.

mannishtrousers · 23/04/2009 21:25

Wouldn't it though?
Oh that IS a happy thought.

OP posts:

Bluestocking · 23/04/2009 21:26

Oh go on, MT, do it just for me! And yourself, of course.

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