To think that I shouldn't have to pay this bill?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

I ordered some stuff on DH's next account and agreed to pay the bill. Which I mainly have been, but due to the fact that he rarely contributes towards the upbringing of his child, or the house he lives in, I am often a bit skint. Anyway we now owe £90 to Next.

I recently got a puppy instead of paying the bill but told DH that he could keep the insurance cheques of my terrier for vets bills I had paid and in the meantime he could take the money out of his savings account to replace when the cheques come. He didn't. The money is still in the account, he has already had one of the cheques and is planning to pay his credit card bill with it .

He asked me again to pay the bill, but then took my debit card to buy his nephew a £60 birthday present. I agreed it was okay, if instead of paying me back he paid £60 off the bill and I'd pay the other £30 then set up a dd so I don't fall behind again. He didn't pay it. Or give me back the £60.

He now wants me to use my savings to pay the Next bill. I don't want to, I will pay any future bills but I think he should pay this one as agreed.

The background is he lives in my house rent free and always has done. He rarely contributes to food. He gives me no housekeeping or no money for dd2, who is his child. He rarely buys her anything and all her clothes, food, nappies are bought by me.

His defence is I have paid nothing towards getting his house renovated I have no intentions of moving into this house.

He paid my mobile phone bill. True, but it is a joint account that I have paid the full bill for, for the last three months. He paid NTL, true but he did that because he wanted the internet connnecting again. I didn't ask him to pay it and was disputing the bill with them.

[nancy75]

i am confused are you together as a couple?

[Doodle2U]

He's your DH yes? As in, you're married, yes?

[nancy75]

why dont you just put all your money together and just pay everything that needs paying?

[EdwardBear]

God it all sounds so complicated. No wonder neither of you can keep up.
Either you are partners in every sense, including financially or you are not imo.

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

No we are not married, yes we are together, but not financially as he has his morgate to pay on another house and so doesn't contribute towards my house, where he lives, unfortunately.

I like being seperate financially as he is a very controlling man I wouldn't trust that he would abuse having part control over my finances. He already thinks he has a right to tell me what I can and can't afford to do with my money, i.e. I can't afford to go out with my friends. His money is never discussed.

[Doodle2U]

So you're going to dump in any minute now, yes?

He must be laughing his lodging cock off with this set-up.

[powpow]

if you like being separate financially, don't use his card to order stuff.
I would just pay it and never, never use any of his cards or swapping money through insurance cheques or any of that malarky.
keep your stuff separate or he is going to take you for a riiiiiiide.

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

I wish I could Doodle. I know the relationship will end. He is really getting me down atm. It has got past the point where I just don't love and past the point where I dislike to that I actually hate him. I don't care where he goes or what he does or who with so long as it's not with me.

But things are getting really bad with his nephew now so I can't ask him to leave without looking like the evil cow who dumped him just weeks before his nephew passed away.

Plus I really care about his nephew and his sister and I worry that DH would exclude me if I asked him to leave. I feel I need to be there for his niece and sil and mil. Dh won't be of any use to them. He will be in the pub where he usually resides when things get tough.

Plus he won't leave anyway. I have asked him before. He doesn't even respect me enough to do that.

He is unbalanced. I have told him I don't love anymore and don't want to be with him, but he insists on staying. What sort of person stays in a relationship when the oh does not like them and even thinks of other people???

[Tinker]

"he is a very controlling man I wouldn't trust that he would abuse having part control over my finances. He already thinks he has a right to tell me what I can and can't afford to do with my money, i.e. I can't afford to go out with my friends. His money is never discussed."

I take it you are due to split up soon?

[beanieb]

it's his account so he will get the bill. pay the £30 you owe and Leave it up to him to sort out the rest.

[diedandgonetodevon]

Sorry but if you bought the stuff you should pay the bill regardless of anything else that is going on after all you could afford to buy a puppy

[Simplysally]

Keep your finances separate, don't pay towards his house and charge him rent. He sounds like a prize twat, sorry if this sounds blunt.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

How will it be better to dump him after his nephew passes away?

Get rid of him.

[Doodle2U]

Ahhhh - now I'm getting it.

He stays because he's on to a good thing - you know this.

OK, here's what I'd do - forget about the Next bill, just deal with it and get straight.

Coast through the next few weeks because the nephew is obviously very important to you and you don't want to be cut out but also, use the next few weeks to plan your next moves.

This tosser has to go - and there are ways and means of getting rid if he chooses not to leave of his own accord. Use the next few weeks to do your research and decide how to kick him out.

Do not mix any further money stuff - if you want it, buy it yourself. Don't pay any of his bills when he asks you.

Best wishes to the nephew. I don't know the story but I do know what watching someone die is like.

It's time to take control of YOUR life back Seashells - your parents didn't go to the trouble of bringing you up in the hope that you'd end up saddled with a sponging tosser like this, did they? !

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

He doesn't leave because you are giving him mixed messages. If you were really clear in your own mind that you need him to leave you would make him go. You are choosing to let it drift.
From this post and your numerous other posts on the subject it is obvious that he is using you, that he disrespects you and that there is absolutely no future in the relationship. Yet you let it drift on. You need to ask yourself why? It is not really about his nephew. It is quite clear that you care far more about his nephew than he does. Get rid of him. If his sister needs your support, I am sure you will provide it regardless of the status of your relationship with her useless, abusing cocklodger brother.

[diedandgonetodevon]

Then surely that is her own mistake if she doesn't want their finances muddled?!

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

And what about the insurance cheques for £110? Or the £60 he owes me diedandgonetodevon?

Should I just forget about those and continue to let him take the piss?

[SoupDragon]

Forget about them and then learn from your mistake.

[diedandgonetodevon]

I don't understand how you allowed it to get in such a muddle if he's so unreliable financially? If he's a wanker (which is what you have portrayed him to be) surely you should have got your own account, bought your own things and kept your money away from his.

Personally I'd write it off as a silly mistake and move on.

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

I told him I was not happy about paying the bill, but would pay at least part of it tomorrow when I get paid. He wants me to use my savings to pay it now .

I am using my savings to take my dds away on holiday and don't want it spending on a bill I have already paid twice.

He is not speaking to me now.