to get upset by my mother's well meaning advice?

[JoshandJamie]

I probably am but need to just get this off my chest before I start my working day. My 2.5 year old has been having the most outrageous tantrums recently that can go on for 3 hours at a time. I was having rant about this the other day in an email to my family who all live abroad and very rarely see my children.

This morning I open my inbox to find an email from my mother telling me that leaving a child to scream for 3 hours is unacceptable and that instead I need to hold him and shush him to help him calm down.

Now A) I don't leave him to scream for 3 hours. I said the tantrums last 3 hours during which time we try distraction, ignoring, time out, attempted cuddles you name it. But when he's determined that he wants something, he doesn't let go easily
B) I know that children having a tantrum aren't in control of their emotions and often need help to calm down - which I do try. But it seldom works.

My mother's note was meant to be well meaning but it's just upset me. Mainly because I think that she thinks I'm doing a crappy job raising my kids.

I'm tempted to buy her a ticket here and say: ok, he's having a tantrum. Knock yourself out and get him to calm down.

Sigh. Must work now. But feel free to tell me that she was just trying to be helpful

[SlartyBartFast]

how annoying, did you even email her this info in the first place??
well meaning, but annoying

[DoodleToYou]

Message withdrawn

[shrinkingsagpuss]

She was trying to be helpful - BUT YANBU - my mother constantly cleans my children, and then points out what a bad mother i am that there is a little bit of food stuck under DD's double chin... [grrrrr]

Mine loks at my DS tearing round the house, and says "well when you were kids you'd have been in the garden all day" - what on our own? at 3? no, when there were 3 of us we were often in the garden playing with each other!!

Parents definately have a different memory of how children were brought up, and remember only key bits - I've decided its a grandparents lot to endlesses "advise", and our lot to take it on the chin, and ignore the bits that are rubbish.

[JoshandJamie]

I probably am being over-sensitive. It's been a crappy week and I felt I was just clinging onto my sanity and then got that email and it was the proverbial straw / camel's back scenario.

It's hard for me to fully explain the situation over email or even over the phone and it's hard for her to express herself without coming across as being critical.

But with her it's always something. I shouldn't work, I should be at home with the boys. When I didn't work, I got the 'you're going to get yourself out of the job market if you do that' speech. You name it, I can't seem to do it quite right.

Shrinking - I think you're spot on that they only remember key bits.

[Smithagain]

Speaking as the mother of a 2.5 yo who had a three hour long tantrum yesterday, I know exactly how you feel and it would have p*ed me off as well.

But best to glaze over and let it go over your head, really. She doesn't know what she's talking about. You know that, because it's your child and you do the best you can.

And I can definitely confirm that holding and shushing my particular child mid-tantrum is like holding a shushing a very, very angry venonmous snake and does no good whatsoever. And it hurts

[oiFoiF]

oh it is irritating but my mother is exactly the same but without the use of email. TRY TO IGNORE IT and rant on here instead