for being annoyed with my housemate for borrowing money out of our joint account?

[RainyWednesday]

I suspect I probably am, but I feel like a vent.

My housemate and I co-own our house and have a joint account for bills, mortgage, etc. About every two months, she'll run out of money before payday, so will help herself to £100-200 out of the joint account to tide herself over for a few days before she gets paid (she has an IVA in place, so can't have an overdraft or credit). She always emails me to let me know she's done it (not to ask whether she can do it) and as far as I know, she always pays it back in (I haven't checked, but I trust her). I'm pretty sure it has no financial effect on me, as she does it mid-month and everything tends to go out at the end of the month, though she does say if we get charged because she's taken money out then she'll pay the penalty (not really the point, it will still contribute to a bad credit rating, and after years in the wilderness I'm working hard to improve mine). The money is technically half hers.

So, AIBU to get annoyed when she just helps herself to it or that she can't manage her finances so she's not completely broke at the end of the month (or just NOT GO OUT if she's broke at the end of the month)? Something about it just pisses me off.

She earns probably twice as much as me, if that's relevant.

Flame guards activated

[SheikYerbouti]

YANBU

[Chequers]

Message withdrawn

[Kitti]

She needs to budget better - what if you were both doing it?? Then you would go overdrawn and it could be easy for her to forget to repay what she owes. She will never get to grips with her finances if she continues like this. Appreciate it might be hard tackling her over it but something needs to be said.

[susiecutiebananas]

YANBU at all .

[RainyWednesday]

Ooh, I wasn't expecting that

I probably should have objected the first time, but it seemed like a one-off then - but has quickly become a habit. I'm moving out in a few months and closing the joint account, so I don't think it's worth having an argument/creating bad feeling over it now. It just pisses me off!

And yes, she does need to budget better - but that's kind of none of my business, which is why I suspect I'm BU. She has been overspending/getting deeper into debt for a decade now. At one point, she was living rent-free with a mutual friend (who didn't charge her rent because she knew how in debt she was) and earning £50k a year (which she didn't tell mutual friend) but didn't save/pay off any debts but just kept spending. Then we bought our flat and got an IVA, which does affect me because it meant we got a shitty mortgage deal and had our then joint account shut down because it had an overdraft and she wasn't allowed one. Gah!

[sophiewd]

YANBU, you also need to check whether the money has gone back in

[ClareVoiant]

I would put my foot down on this, even though your moving out in a few months. make sure you both only put in whats needed and tell her NO. its soooo annoying living with someone who's rubbish with money (but thats another story!). she wont stop if there's always someone to bail her out.

[RainyWednesday]

I do wonder what she's going to do when the joint account isn't there any more for her to dip into.

I'm feeling pretty psyched at getting through my first AIBU thread without getting flamed but it is making me wonder whether I should have a word with her for her own good. But then surely if you've already effectively declared yourself bankrupt once, you know you're crap with money and should make some changes? We're in our 30s ffs!

I think the problem is that she's in quite a well-paid industry, so is spending on the basis that odds are she'll be able to meet her spending eventually when she earns enough. And at least the IVA kind of protects her for now, since she can't get into debt again.

[ClareVoiant]

I fail to see how someone cant manage on 50K a year,especially if your sharing the bills. is she paying off lot of other debt?

[ClareVoiant]

oh,and if she's borrowing from the joint account, technically she's borrowing your money, for which she should have at least asked. I would talk to her now and maybe offer her some help in budgeting her cash. tell her that you dont think its fair that she should borrow your money without asking and that how would she feel if you just helped yourself from her purse?

[SheikYerbouti]

YADNBU

DP and I earn less then her put together - we pay a lot of rent and have 2 kids to feed and clothe. We manage. If we are skint we make sacrifices. It's not nice, but it's what you have to do

She needs to take stock - it sounds to me like she has a spending problem. You need to discuss it with her, because IME, she will get worse - it only takes the one time for her to forget to pay it back for it to spiral out of control.

For her to do it once in a while would be understandable - we all rob Peter to pay Paul one in a while (well, DP and I do anyway!) but to make a regular habit is Not Good

[RainyWednesday]

She doesn't have any other debt because it's all rolled up in the IVA. I have no idea how much debt she was in before though (I think she was unemployed for something like 18 months - and still kept spending!) and I think that the terms of the IVA will include a hefty payment each month, so she'll have that to pay. Otherwise it goes mainly on going out and taxis home, plus clothes and holidays.

Perhaps next time she does it I'll mention the fact that I'll be closing the joint account when I go (this might not have occurred to her) and ask what she's going to do and whether she needs a hand budgetting or something. I suspect she's going to get pissed off though, and she's scarier than me!

If we don't sell our place when I move out then she's going to be managing the house finances and frankly the thought terrifies me!

[cestlavie]

It's a bit tricky really because if, as you say, she is repaying the money each time in full then you're only arguing a point of principle rather than one of materiality.

Personally, if a friend (even one better off than me) wanted to borrow £100 for a couple of weeks each month and repaid it promptly when they got paid and it had no financial impact on me, then I'd have no issue with it. Obviously you'd expect that person to ask you first but I guess since she e-mailed you the first time (after the event) and you haven't objected at any point, she clearly thinks that you're fine with this arrangement.

From the sound of it, it's not actually that cataclysmic in terms of her management of finances - she's basically using the joint account as an overdraft facility to smooth out timing of payments and I'm guessing I'm not the only one here who does that. What I would say though is to keep a close eye on her spending and repayment to ensure that it is being repaid in full each time and you don't end up out of pocket at the end.

[MrsTittleMouse]

CHECK that she does repay the money. If she has an IVA through her own fault (i.e. spending loads of money on stuff she didn't really need when she didn't have a job) then she really needs to get a grip on her finances.
In the long run it's not helping her to get her act together and it's really cheeky to borrow money from you and not even ask first.