To want to scream at DP that his indulgence of his little princess is making a rod for both of our backs...

[lucyellensmum]

She just has him wrapped around her little finger. Right now he is putting her to bed (she wont let me do it ) i can hear him being ordered around and clattering about up there, fetching one toy or another, i just know she wont be laying down in her cot, most likely in our bed. I cant go up and be strict because he gets cross with me, i feel guilty because he is going to be stuck up there for AGES, but if i insist on putting her to bed it will end in a screaming tantrum.

He is working from home, he is behind on a job, DD wont leave him alone, i have to take her out just to stop her from standing at the back door shouting "dad dad dad dad". The thing is, i tell him to ignore her, but he jumps every time. Today i needed to go to the bank, he happened to come up just as we were going, she said she wanted him to come, she started to cry, I said, just go back to work - guess what he did....... So, she whined and dithered all the way to the town, DP was stressed because he is supposed to be working, im stressed because DP is supposed to be working. Managed to let her let him come home by bribing with the park, She was lovely at the park, we went to the beach, she was lovely - then screamed all the way home because it dawned on her that daddy had gone home People must have thought i was a cruel mother because in the end i just had to stop trying to reason with her and just walk along dragging her by her hand screaming "i want to duddle my daddy up, i want my daddy" FFS, she had only just left him an hour ago.

Why the hell can he not see that he is making things harder for us in the long run, ive tried to get this across to him but he just tells me to take another tablet (im on ADs). DD is 2.5, please tell me its a phase, not only can i not put up with the spoilt behaviour, but its actually really upsetting me that she only wants daddy and not me.

[Crunchie]

That's little girls for you!!

It is only a phase I promise, however you need need to speak to him, when you are relaxed and she is not around and explain how you feel. In the cold light of day or evening he might be ablt to see it.

[BigBadMouse]

I think all you can do is let him get on with it until he has had enough. He is making a rod for his own back and eventually he'll see you are right (I hope).

Very, very at him telling you to 'take another tablet'.

Of course she wants daddy more than you but that is no reflection on your parenting skills, her love for you or your worth.

Don't feel guilty about the amount of time he is having to spend putting her to bed or how much he is getting behond on his work - it is up to him to organise his time effectively and realise that it isn't good to give a child all she wants all the time.

[WombFor1More]

Go away for a weekend. They will both be desperate to see you on your return

I think the only thing you can do is to have a word with him. Ask him if he sees the effect it is having on all of you. Hopefully he will see and start to change things.

Good luck

[Janos]

Oh no, I bet they didn't think you were a cruel mother...they were probably thinking poor woman, I know what that's like! I've had similar scenes with DS and its horrendous. I think his dad spoils him a bit...any telling off results in 'I want my dadddeeeeee....' Grrrrrr!

Sorry, not much practical advice but lots of sympathy!

[lilymolly]

my dd is 2+3 and its the opposite for me............mammy mammy mammy do it.......

it drives me insane!

[lucyellensmum]

its lovely to see how much they simply adore each other. He is an absolutely doting dad but he is making life so hard for all of us, him included. I get stressed about it, when really i should just let him get on with it. I get stressed when he is stressed, whether its work, money or DD. I am a bit of a stress pig. Yes, one day when he tells me to take another tablet im going to shove them where the sun dont shine, my retort is usually, is there any fecking wonder i need them

[PinkTulips]

in a few months it'll be 'i want mommy. mommy do it. NO, i don't want you, i want my mommy'

dd is 3 and has been switching favourites every few weeks or months since she was old enough to say mama or dada

on your behalf at 'take another tablet'.... because him being pussywhipped by a 2 year old relates how exactly to your depression?

he'll figure out eventually that he's only making things worse for himself, meanwhile why not try a star chart for the hours he's supposed to be working... 'if you're a good girl for mommy and don't disturb daddy you'll gat a star and when you get 3 stars you can have tv/go to the park/do a puzzle with mommy/do painting/have a piece of chocolate' whatever floats her boat

[lucyellensmum]

not sure she will have enough of a concept of time for the star chart, but might be worth a try. Its ok when we have play group etc to go to, that keeps her busy all morning then dinner, then we can take the dog out, but the weather has been shit etc etc.

He has had a lot to put up with, with my depression but yes, he is heading for a thumping if he keeps saying that...

[DontCallMeBaby]

It's a phrase. Probably. It will go. It will come back. DD was like this at a similar age (she was definitely like it at 2.9, we went to the in-laws for Christmas and everyone felt sorry for me because she was favouring DH SO much). She is 4 now and favours him a lot of the time - but with increasing awareness, language and understanding of time she is better. Daddy goes to work, she looks sad, I tell her he'll be back later and she's off and wibbling about something else before I know what.

(Oh, and I am officially bestest mummy in the whole world and am beautiful, so it's not ALL about him)

Putting-to-bed has pretty much always been me though, and we had to practise HIM doing it when I was due to go away. If it's necessary, you just have to do it, and suffer the screaming. Otherwise, let him carry on wasting his time pottering about after her - it's probably not the worst parenting mistake you'll ever have to unpick.

Now, all I have to do is to get DH to stop loading up DD's fork for her (she goes to school in less than five months, for heaven's sake), and providing hot-and-cold running room service when she's vegging on the sofa watching television. Honestly.

[clam]

Hmm. I don't think "that's little girls for you," necessarily, Crunchie. Some and some. FWIW, DH and DD have a mutually-adoring relationship and, if I'm honest, she can cheer him up and get him to do things DS and I can't, but he doesn't take any nonsense from her at all and never has. I think 'A Word' is in order or, as you say, a rod is being made for both of you.

[Crunchie]

my comment was meant to mean that little girls will always find ways of winding their daddies around their little fingers, at 2.5 or 22.5 it is the first male relationship they ever have and where they try their feminine wiles for the first time.

[EffiePerine]

Hang on, she is 2 and wants to spend time with her daddy, he is keen on spending time with her and this is a problem? Relax and let them get on with it!

[lucyellensmum]

On the surface effie, no problem at all, i think its lovely the bond they have. Its heart melting to watch. BUT because he is such a pushover she actually gets whiney and miserable when he is around, because she knows he will pander to it. Also, he needs to be able to work and i need to be able to get on with stuff without having to persuade her away from the back door. I have wanted to do gardening this past week but cant because DD will just be at the shed door.

Its a phase, or even a phrase But it is driving me mad, and i have to admit to a big dose of

[DontCallMeBaby]

Oh, fuck, did I type 'phrase'?! And I had a stray apostrophe earlier today, I don't know WHAT'S wrong with me! I blame the gin.

Ahem.

I think it's the that's the worst bit, it stops you being rational and coming up with a sensible words to say to the offending parent. I don't know how you can 'fix' that. It's got better with us though, just with time. Now I just have to put up with 'where's daddy?' half an hour after he's kissed her good by and said 'I'm going to work now'. The not-listening stage, joy. I understand this one is a phase that should pass some time after she leaves home.

[WallOfSilence]

Hey Mrs

I'd say to try & have a word with him, but having a man like that myself I know a word will fall on deaf ears!!

Dh ruined ds (not dd!). We had dd first & I ruined her! I carried everything to her she wanted... dh tried to talk me down saying she was petted etc... even now at 6 she can tell me she loves aboout 10 times in 30 mins and though it's very sweet as she just runs by yelling "Love ya mam!" it sometimes crushes me as I know it's my fault... I used to kiss her over & over & over whispering I love you, I love you... Still do now at bed times.

Ds is a real man's man. He shadows dh, even as far as to roll up his sleeves to lab a sheep yesterday & dh didn't see him & fell over him

I guess what I am saying is, it might not do any harm... and I wouldn't necessarily stop her from going out to him... in fact I would encourage it, then he will have to either catch himself on or keep himself back

[lucyellensmum]

lab a sheep??? The mind boggles

[WallOfSilence]

lamb boggle no more

[Flynnie]

Dd went through this a few months ago but towards me. At first we I pandered to it and it got worse.
Had to finally be firm and when she wouldn't let dh do something put up with the tears and strops(hers not mine)and let him do it. it stopped after a few days.

now we have alternate days of the best loved!

[lucyellensmum]

sooooo jealous of the lambing thing. When i was writing up i planned on earning some cash by doing some lambing, but then of course i found out i was pregnant - i will just add it to my list of things to do before i die

[zog]

Re the , you just have to repeat the mantra "it's a phase, it's a phase" because it really is.

Re him getting stressed etc and then telling you to "take another tablet" (wtf?), I would sit him down when dd is in bed and explain that if he chooses to have his life ruled by a 2 year old, he has no right to stress about it.

Also, he really isn't being fair to her. Too right she's going to moan and whinge at the back door if there's even a 5% chance that DP will appear to spend time with her. He is being unkind to her because she is too young to understand that sometimes he'll appear and sometimes he won't. He can spend as long as he likes putting her to bed and tbh that's his choice to make, but things like working from home need really firm boundaries. It's hard enough for an older child to grasp, let alone a 2 year old.

[zog]

How's it going Lucyellensmum?

[lucyellensmum]

well he is just up putting her to bed, it sounds like she is giving him a hard time, hey ho - his own fault, he is such a push over. Shame really, he is under a lot of pressure just now.

DD had been a good little girl today with not too much standing at the door calling daddy. Hopefully things are going to settle down, i am hoping DP will be working away from home tomorrow - cos he is really doing my head in

[Makingdo]

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