About my DP and going to work (i honestly dont know!)

[Julezboo]

Ok, long drawn out pregnancy loss, i was having scans weekly, he did come to every other one. He is a great support when hes here etc...

Monday just gone i started to bleed, its got pretty heavy and painful. I spent most of the day in bed yesterday snuggled up to my 1yr old who also spent the day vomiting, my other ds was at a friends for the day so considering what Im going through I coped pretty well yesterday.

Now DP has been in his new job 5 weeks or so now. He gets really worried and anxious about asking for time off. He said he went to work yesterday and said to his friend "he was scared shitless i was gonna ask him to stay home with me" I didnt because I know how much he worries. When he got back from work at half 6 last night i was laying on the couch close to tears, through exhaustion and pain. i just felt phyiscally drained.

Today I have both boys home, ds is better today, stopped being sick and running round like his normal self. DS1 is playing up and has been since he opened his eyes. I am still in pain and bleeding and would appreciate DP being at home at least half a day today. But I dont wanna ask cos I know how worried he is about losing his job we have bills to pay, mortgage etc... He already has next monday and tues off because Im booked in for surgery. So Im a bit pissed off he was scared I was gonn ask him to stay home. But then that could be because of how Im feeling etc..

What do you think? Should he be here. Ive been through mc 6 times already so I know what to expect and how to deal with it and to be fair to him each time Ive mc'd hes been there, but now its cos hes only just started this job i think he is worried about asking for time off.

At the moment Im coping ok, in pain but pain killers are taking the edge off.

[onepieceoflollipop]

Really sorry to hear about your loss.

I can see this from both sides, I think. Sounds as if your dp is trying to make the most of a very difficult situation for both of you. Is there anyone else who can be there for you during the day? (friend or sister or whatever).

[edam]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Julez. Tough one as I can see why you want him there but also why he's worried about taking time off from a new job. Especially as he's a worrier!

[Julezboo]

not really, he keeps telling me to go and sit with his mum but she drives me mad, we have had her here for two weeks and i ws ready to strangle her! Plus i think i need to be in the comfort of my own home iykwm?

all my family live 200 miles away and work otherwise I think my mum would be here.

Im trying to understand his side of it without getting into a big row because this is how it usually ends up with himhaving to take time off work i get told i dont understand blah blah but this time we have spoke about it sort of and he said thankyou to me for not asking him to be home.

[Lulumama]

it is a tough one

he is obviously very aware of needing to keep his job and ensure you have a roof over your heads, but also aware you need him.

if he is off when you have your surgery, then that sounds ok

he is scared of losing his job and scared of leaving you on your own

at least he is not down the pub or AWOL , he is at work....

am so sorry you are going through this

[onepieceoflollipop]

yanbu, but neither is he. Sometimes there are no easy answers. xx

[MeMyselfAndIcecream]

I personaly think he should be there for you, no matter how many times youve been through it its still not something you should go through on your own, im sorry but you should come before any job, and i hardly think theyd give him the sack if he explains the circumstances,

So sorry for your loss

[Lulumama]

totally agree, lollipop, you have summed it up

i was in hospital when pregnant with a suspected DVT, DH was on business abroad, sometimes you just have to make the best of a shit situation.. of course i wanted DH, but what could he do, except sit in hospital with me?

[Taweret]

Julez, sorry you are going through this.
Is there any chance of moving the surgery forward - could you phone the hospital about it?

[Julezboo]

Ive just spoke to him and hes left the car outside his mates house, so if i needed him home quick it wont happen cos he will need to go there first to get the car even though yesterday he did the same thing and i asked him to take the car just in case.

I know Im lucky hes not awol or down the pub, my point is though is hes here he can take the boys off my hands, they are only 5 and 1 so not an easy age.
I dunno I know hes worried about me and his job and I see his point I really do

[bozza]

Is there no-one who could help with the boys? Honestly if I knew another Mum in my circle was going through this I would have her children for the day like a shot if it would help at all. Although actually I am working today.

[Julezboo]

taweret - trying to avoid surgery tbh, i have loads of scar tissue already, dont want anymore, or tehm doing anymore damage (my doctors words) so hopefully I can pass naturally on my own this week then avoid going into surgery on monday.

I went into hospital Monday and they examined me, gave me pain killers and sent me home.

[Lulumama]

exactly bozza..

phone everyone in your phone book and explain and i am sure someone will have the boys for you , i know i hvae done so and would do for friends.

[Julezboo]

bozza, theres only one other person really, she usually takes older DS but shes on holiday this week till fri! Sods law lol, she has been pickng him up from school and taking him for me these last few weeks and his having him monday.

[needtoasksomething]

I'm really sorry you are going through this Julezboo. I can see both points of view as well.
You say that DH has suggested you go and sit with his Mum but that you would prefer to stay at home. I guess this means his Mum is fairly near by?
Can you call DH and say to him that you understand he cant be off work to be with you, but you'd appreciate if he could call his Mum and ask her to come over to you and pick up the boys and look after them for a bit for you as a favour to him seeing as he is stuck at work? Would that be practical?

[Julezboo]

I know I'll be fine and cope cos that what us mothers do best. Just feeling a bit like Ive been left to just get on with it.

[Julezboo]

needtoask - shes a nanny to 3 other kids so thats not possible. Now i sound like I am making every excuse in the book doesnt it. His mum is his own family. Ive only really made a few friends up here (they all work with DP!) and the other one is on holiday. My family n friends are all 200 miles away in opposite directions lol