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AIBU?

Is this mum completely taking the piss

50 replies

iMum · 26/03/2008 09:55

My ds best friend at school is a sweet little boy, his mum is nice enough to i thought anyway.....

My ds doesnt really get asked to play over due I think to the fact that we live in a rough part of town in not very salubrious surroundings and going to a private school means children there (or mostly the mums) are used to better things. I know my son is popular, the teachers are very happy with him and describe him as kind and one of the "popular children" so i know its not behaviour (also he has pleanty of friends outside of school who invite him round and ive never had any complaints from them) the issue could be that he is vegetarian.
Anyway this easter I went up to this mum and made a point of asking her ds round to play and also said "if I have ... over then perhaps next time ... can come to you" anyway
She said ohh lovey could you have him from xyz time to xyz time (6 hours long!) so I umed and ahed and said that perhaps that would be a bit long, she said leave it with me, anyway she just phoned me and said right I will bring ... over in 10 mins and pick him up at .. (5 hours )
AIBU, is this a bit cheeky-i think its too long, I also think that phoning up 10 mins before she brings her ds over to me doesnt give me any opportunity to say otherwie.
I just feel like she is using me as free childminding (as i have just registered) and I cant say no as then the boys will be dissapointed.
Anyway reading it back it does seem a bit unreasonable for me to feel unreasonable but i dont know-I spose there is more to it, like the numerous times gone by where I have tken her ds out to play parks ect-favour never returned. and really when she does have my ds (rarely) it is for such a short time maybe 2 hours.

Dont flame, probs amm just being hypersensitive today and dont like to feel like a mug being taken for a ride-which I know is true, i can just never say no, and in any case I so want my ds to go to his friends house to play.... I have in the past mentioned to a few mums that is there a problem with my ds and they all say no but then nothing.

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purpleduck · 26/03/2008 10:01

5 hours is tooooo long.
Especially without enough notice to get any supplies in that you may need.

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Walnutshell · 26/03/2008 10:02

Now you realise what you are and are not prepared to do, rehearse your responses to her ready for next time. Deliver with a smile and you will be fine!

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themildmanneredjanitor · 26/03/2008 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pedilia · 26/03/2008 10:03

i think 5 hours is to long, will this be the first time her DS has been to your house?

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trishpops · 26/03/2008 10:04

does sound a bit like she is taking you for free child care! YANBU.

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happystory · 26/03/2008 10:05

I think she is possibly being a bit thoughtless. When she drops him off, say 'Can you get him at x time, we have to go out?' See what she says. If she can't, look a bit disapointed and BE PREPARED next time! Let us know!

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Taweret · 26/03/2008 10:06

She is being rude and presumptious.
Phone her back and tell her that she caught you off-guard, and it isn't convenient for her son to stay so long.

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cornsilk · 26/03/2008 10:06

Tell her she can only leave him from 3 hours as you have plans. What a rude woman.

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nametaken · 26/03/2008 10:06

Do it this once as you did invite him over in the first place.

As walnut says rehearse your response for next time.

Definately don't invite him again until your ds gets an invite there. If they were really worried that you live in a rough area they would't let their dcs round at all would they?

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iMum · 26/03/2008 10:06

Oh this little boy has been here quite a few times before, I spose this is why I feel like this, It just never really seems fair.
And silly things bug me like, her little lad is sweet but can be naughty like any child but id never say to his mum oh he did x y z today but she does this to me, oh ... bugged .. big brother today, threw a piece of lego, put his feet on the sofa etc-minor things that I let slip when her ds is here.

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Wezzle · 26/03/2008 10:06

YANBU

She should have asked how long he could stay with you not just assumed 5 hours was ok and a call last night to make arrangements wouldn't have gone a miss either.

I know you want your ds's to play together but don't let her take you for a ride. I think you're right, she is looking at you as free childcare.

Try being as brash as her and arrange a date to take ds to her house when she comes for her ds.

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SheherazadetheGoat · 26/03/2008 10:06

grit your teeth. your ds will have a lovely day. she is being a pain though. shall we place bets on how late she is?

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iMum · 26/03/2008 10:08

I did have a littl speech in my head "oh hiya .. ive been rushing around like a manwoman as wasnt expecting you so early" but in the end heard myself saying oh no pick him up then its fine..wtf!!

next time I will be stronger!, lets just see if my ds gets an invite back tho!

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iMum · 26/03/2008 10:10

I am almost convinced she will be late, I know the boys will have lots of fun and from that perspective im not bothered its just her attitude, I did text her last night to see If I was still having her ds and I got no reply-no this woman lives on her mobile, no way she didnt get it.

I dunno, shes so strong and bold, I just feel a bit flaky next to her I guess. And really her little boy is lovely and he and my ds get on so well-perhaps I should joke about sending her the bill!

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SlartyBartFastlaidanEgg · 26/03/2008 10:11

can you contact her if you want him picking up earlier?
i should ahve thought they will be exhausted after 5 hours

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Carmenere · 26/03/2008 10:19

Are you sure she is not intending on paying you? A bill for five hours childcare would probably put an end to her brass neck behaviour

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fizzbuzz · 26/03/2008 10:19

I think she is wrong. However when my ds was little, it was ALWAYS me who had is friends over (sometimes for whole days) and it was rarely reciprocated. It used to make me so But ds enjoyed himeself.

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mummypig · 26/03/2008 10:20

5 hours is far too long unless she is prepared to do the same for you. Sounds like you will need to be very assertive in the future. Rehearsing your answers will probably help. Maybe you could use the excuse that as you are starting to work as a childminder you don't have so much time to look after other children?

Also do you have her mobile number? If not, next time you could make a point of getting it off her and saying 'so I can call you when the boys have had enough of each other' or something similar.

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iMum · 26/03/2008 10:20

She does have a childminder of her own, so I dont think she will pay me-she certainly never hinted or enquired on prices-no its defo a play date!
I may make the joke tho!

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WanderingTrolley · 26/03/2008 10:29

I wonder if she's paying her cm that day

Next time, invite him over at 4pm. For tea. THat's it. Be specific in the invitation - pretend you have an appointment all morning and are having lunch out.

She's v cheeky.

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maisemor · 26/03/2008 10:43

Try to think of the positive side of things.

Your son has a great mate that loves to come to his house.

Your son's friend partly loves coming over to your house because you and your son make him feel welcome.

You will have all the memories of seeing them playing together and growing up together.

Your son and his friend will always think fondly of you because you provided a place for them to play together, plus fed and watered them.

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Bouncingturtle · 26/03/2008 10:47

Some people, if you give them an inch, will take a mile. This woman sounds like one of these. You are not at all hypersensitive - you pegged her right she is taking the piss.
Be firm with her next time!

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Kewcumber · 26/03/2008 10:48

if she says next time - can you have him from 1-7pm (say) you MUST say oh sorry we're so busy that day we can only do 3.30 to 6.30pm. or "Oh isn't is your turn to have them this week?" (practice and innocent look when you say that.

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bossybritches · 26/03/2008 10:49

Smile sweetly when she picks up & say you'll let her know soon when YOU need a nice long playdate!

Cheek of the woman YANBU

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DeeRiguer · 26/03/2008 10:54

very cheeky and taking you for a mug
i suppose i would go ahead this time as its arranged or if you are feeling assertive on the day as she drops him off say x-time is too long, he will be ready to collect by x oclock, see you then

she is trying it on, cheeky mare..imho

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