to be so annoyed by dh's inconsiderate selfish sister. Soem partial advice needed please!

[soworndown]

This is such a long and potentially boring tale I hope someone can give you some impartial advice.

Background:

My dh comes from a very dysfunctional family (in my eyes) There are 3 children including my dh who is the eldest,a middle brother and a younger sister.

The middle brother is very ambitious, a real high flier/achiever, he has as little to do with his parents (due to his upbringing) but remains a dutiful son in some respects (always visits but keep sthem at a distance) Dh's sister, the youngest was, from what I have been told, very indulged she was a very wanted daughter and the parents spoilt her form day one. Dh isn't too bothered about this (he says) but I believe this is in part due to his being conditioned to accept his lot over the years, unlike middle brother who is very feisty and has never put up with anything he did n't like

The problem:

My MIL had some property, she had it for a while and quite fancies herself as an entrepeneur, the truth of the matter is she has collected a number of businesses which have failed over the year when she gets bored. Whlist trying to renovate the recent property she was victim to a con artist and was fleeced to such an extent that she faced having to give up the lot. Nobody was interested not even her husband. The middle brother openly berated MIL for being such an idiot, her dd stopped calling round (in case I suspect she was asked for help and because MIL had no money to give her) even her husband wasn't interested. She begged my dh for help and he agreed but there were conditions. he said that he would bail her out but that if that were the case he would want a share of the profits for the following reasons:

1. It was very high risk and he was putting our home at risk
2. he already had a demanding job that saw him going away from his family adding another full time job on top of that meant he wanted to be certain that we would see the long term rewards of this
3. We would, until the project had been turned around be totally skint, really watching the pennies because he was comitted both in terms of time and debt

4.The time away from me and the kids

MIL assured him that if he took it over (she gave the reins to him completely) that she would agree to all.

Roll on nearly 4 years (it has been very hard) I find out that the reason his sister does not speak to us (she has never wated to meet my baby)is because she is furious that we are close to completion and may (if luck is on our side)be in line for a very substantial profit. It could mean to us that we can move house and not have to shop in salmonella corner in the supermarkets and buy our children charity shop toys and clothes.

I am so hurt that she could be so selfish in first considering that what my dh has worked so bloody hard for she is entitled to and that she puts money in front of her having a relationship with my children.

Am I being unreasonable? Should she get a third of the profits?

Middle brother is appauled and asked us if she was expecting to get a third of dh's xmas bonus too? he has told us he wanted nothing to do with the project and put nothing in as so expects nothing back?

Am I too wrapped up in this? Are we doign something really wrong here?

Thanks for reading this.

[soworndown]

oh crap. Opening title should have read IMPARTIAL!

[Freckle]

No she is entitled to nothing. I do hope thought that your dh got his agreement with his mother in writing and that the property was transferred into his name only. Otherwise you may find that MIL changes her mind because precious dd is upset and insists that some money goes to her.

And why, if your SIL is so awful, do you want her to have a relationship with your children? It sounds as though you would be better off cutting all contact with her.

[pedilia]

I think you are right, you have made the investment and should be entitiled to the profits.
SIL is being greedy and selfish IMO

[Wisteria]

Nothing to do with her.......stand your ground. I am assuming that you didn't get anything drawn up legally/ in writing about this?

[Wisteria]

Get middle brother on side and stand united. We have a 'little princess' in DP's family.....all I know is I wish I'd been one of them - life's loads easier , she's a right royal PITA.

[soworndown]

I want my children to have an aunty. I am so upset though by these recent revelations that I have started to feel the same way- that perhaps she is better out of their lives

I do sympathise though and can imagine that she must be kicking herself that she didn't invest but that isn't our fault.

Nothing was put in writing.

Surely if PIL want to give her anything they shoudl do it from their slice of the profits, after all it's none of our business what they do with their money.

[soworndown]

Wisteria, middle brother is completely onside.

He won't speak to her now, not at all.

[pruners]

Message withdrawn

[WanderingTrollegg]

She is entitled to a slap, imo.

She sounds like a petulant child.

You are better off without her.

[pruners]

Message withdrawn

[paddingtonbear1]

yanbu. You and your dh took the risk. She's not entitled to anything. Does your dh want to maintain a relationship with her? Sounds like she had things on a plate when younger and still expects it now, just cos she's family. Rubbish!
My MIL has a sister like this. They've not spoken for about 4 years now.

[paddingtonbear1]

Yes if PILs want to give her some of their share, that's up to them. But it shouldn't affect what you and your dh get.

[saltire]

Well she is entilted to nothing, but I would get your DH to get something in writing - he could tell his mum it was for tax purposes ro something. otherwise you could find yourself in a sticky poisition. Especially if the MIl died suddenly, it would all still be in her name and would legally pass to the PIL, unless she had a will.

[soworndown]

Dh is very disapointed but thinks that PIL should give her whatever they feel she should get from their returns.

I am so upset on many levels, i remeber when she was lovely and we got on.

I am a sap maybe?

I was so nervous about posting TBH I thought you wouls all tell me we were wicked and diddling her out of her birthright.

She believes that it was a family heirloom and should have been split three ways. For each of the children and she sees dh and I as having swiped away all of what's rightfully hers.

She just cannot see how hard dh and I have worked.

[saltire]

So do the PILs want you and your DH to give her something?

[Freckle]

Well, if your dh has nothing in writing about all this, then he has not been shrewd. He should do something about this urgently as it sounds as though SIL could persuade her mum to go back on the agreement.

It's good that db in onside, but he will have little or no influence in the matter should MIL renege on the agreement because of SIL.

[soworndown]

I do believe that she is not able to sign any cheques herself. Dh has to sign too. I don't know about anything alse TBH. I have been nagging him for about two years though to cover himself for any eventuality.

MIL is a bit fickle.

Is there anybody who thinks she is in the right?

[soworndown]

Saltire.

PIL want SIl to be happy so I believe that means giving her whatever she wants. She can traet them terribly and yet I hear FIl saying "oh darling, oh sweetie don't upset yourself"

It is my understanding that when the profits come in they want it split 3 ways.

For PIL
For us
For SIL

[Freckle]

I'm not clear on what the project actually is. Do I take it that it is a property which needed substantial renovation? That your MIL ran out of funds and dh stepped in to fund the renovations and to oversee the project? Presumably there was a bank account dedicated to the project and your MIL was not allowed to sign cheques alone but needed dh's signature too?

But the property is still in MIL's name alone? You may well be stuffed if MIL wants SIL to have some of the profit. When the property is sold, the money will go to your MIL in the first instance and then you are relying on her honesty to ensure that dh gets his true share. If MIl wants it shared three ways, she will be in a position to do this. Presumably your dh will be refunded all the monies he has put in first before divvying up the balance?

[dizzychixies]

I think if she believes she is entitled to anything it should come from his PARENTS cut of the profits and NOT yours!
the profit that they are only getting due to the good grace and hard work and sacradices made by you and your DH. There would otherwise be nothing and if therefore your profits should be YOURS.

sorry to sound so definate but families can be awful, mine included.

make sure your dh and brother take a stand against the scheming spoilt madam.

and as for the kids wanting an aunt, mine have plenty, none of whom are my or dh's sisters. Kids will adore and love anyone like an aunt if they act like one towards them and it doesn't sound like she has any intention of doing so - don't feel they're missing out you sound like a lovely family doing your best for your kids and it will be HER loss

[sophiewd]

You need to get something in writing, urgently, otherwise you may fine yourself in an extremely messy battle and sounds like your MIL will renege on the deal which is very harsh

[soworndown]

The property was an old crumbling manor house with barn blocks and much land. The blocks have been converted and renovated into homes by Dh.

The property is in the name of a foundation a company. in dh and MIL and PIL's names.

[soworndown]

Thanks so much this has really helped and I am sat here almost in tears. I haven't slept all night and feel like a wreck.

I want to do the right thing but feel so bitter(?) That we have been through the mill and she can just swan in after 4 years of her partying lifestyle and snatch it from us (I'm sure she isn't that bad but when I get cross I imagine allsorts)

[sophiewd]

If your SIL name doesn't appear on the company records, then I think she is not entitled to any of the profits except aht your PIL want to give her out of her share