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AIBU?

Solve this one for me MNs- some hussy trying to nick my fella.

59 replies

mumblesmummy · 19/03/2008 12:00

Longish story but it gets there in the end, bear with me.

So MY Dp is perfect in every way as I've said a million times, we just click together and are very happy.

I'm 33 weeks pregnant (almost) and he thinks the world of me, our bump, and he's marrying me next year. Fandabbydozey.

However, his job contract has come to an end and to avoid moving far away he's been searching for a job. He could take one which will start in a few weeks but it's a low wage but a lot of hours and very close by so he's on call for when I go into labour and close for the baby.

Or he could take another which is about 45 minutes away, a much higher wage and probably quite a lot of hours. Sounds good doesn't it?

So he'd phoned up about it and had an appointment to go and see the woman about it today. However, past few days he's been a little off and wound up and stuff. I didn't know why, so last night in hormonal rage I shouted at him about it and suddenly he was back to old him. After he admitted something.

He said he didn't want to go for the high piad job.

I didn't get why, so I asked and he said he didn't like the woman he spoke to on the phone. I laughed it off and told him not to be silly.

Which was when he told me that his friend who works there (who had got him in the job in the first place) had told him that this woman makes it her business to sleep with all the men she employs, and that if he flirted a bit the job was his, guaranteed, but that she'd try to get into him once he worked there.

Also, she'd made her intentions very clear in the phone call with my DP and she'd finished the phone call with 'so call in on Wednesday so i can take a look at you' and people in the back ground started laughing. He said she was really obvious.

He's still going to go to the meeting. Which I wasn't bothered about because he'd not a cheat and can be trusted, and he doesn't want to let his friend down, so he wants to look like he's atleast trying.

I'm now starting to get a little pissed off and territorial.

Am I being unreasonable and what should I do? I've not told him I'm bothered, I've just laughed it off, so he seems a bit calmer about it but said if she acts like it when he's there, he's leaving.

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GermaineSneer · 19/03/2008 12:01

your dh needs to grow a back bone

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VictorianPASqualor · 19/03/2008 12:03

Tell him to go get the job and if she makes a move on him to remind her of the sexual harrassment laws.
Also wot cod said.

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loopylou6 · 19/03/2008 12:03

Im sorry but what a downright weird situation, basically, your dh will get the job if he shags her?

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fluffyanimal · 19/03/2008 12:04

Sounds like you and dp need to be the adults here, as opposed to this childish woman. If it is the better job, he should go for it on his employment merits, without flirting, and if he doesn't get it he can always talk to the company for feedback and suggest this is an issue in their recruitment process. If he does get it and she still makes a play, he can do her for sexual harrassment. Either way, I think you are right to laugh it off - don't let it bother you.

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mumblesmummy · 19/03/2008 12:04

Oh god, I won't tell him that, he's a really blokey bloke and I'm only just getting him to calm down lol.

We do REALLY need the money with the baby, and it's an exceptionally good wage.. so I'm thinking maybe we're both just expecting the worst.

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ajandjjmum · 19/03/2008 12:04

Your dh has been open and honest - overpowering women can make even the strongest men nervous.

Maybe the lower paid job would be a good interim solution?

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poshwellies · 19/03/2008 12:05

Is this for real?

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moondog · 19/03/2008 12:05

Noone can be 'nicked' without wantingto be taken.

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VictorianPASqualor · 19/03/2008 12:05

ajandjjmum, why the hell should he go for a lower paid job because of some slapper???

If he is good enough for the higher paid job, he should go for it. If this was a woman being pressured into flirting and having to put up with sexual harrassment everyone would go crackers.

It's not on.

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DoodleToYou · 19/03/2008 12:06

Message withdrawn

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mumblesmummy · 19/03/2008 12:06

Sorry i cross posted, my last post was to Germaine. I'm probably cross posting again right now lol.

Fluffy- I think I'm on the same wavelength as you. Because that's exactly what i thought. He's even going up with someone else to avoid anything awkward. It just seems ridiculous that she acts like that. She's not even young.

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beaniesteve · 19/03/2008 12:08

Probably she doesn't sleep with everyone - it's just some twatr of a man assuming she got where she is by opening her legs rather than through hard work and expertise.

He should tell his friend to not be such a twat.

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Sazisi · 19/03/2008 12:09

I think his friend could be winding him up

and sorry but lol at "she's not even young"

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mumblesmummy · 19/03/2008 12:10

It's VERY weird isn't it?

We both feel strange about it, and I KNOW this woman isn't an issue. No one is, we're very settled.

But she's obviously a big slapper.

He'd have taken the job in a flash if it wasn't for her.

He even cancelled the appointment so that he can come to te midwife with me today (just a check up). But she rearranged for this afternoon sooo.... we've no reason to say no.

I totally agree that if it was a woman this was happening to, all hell would break loose.

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blueshoes · 19/03/2008 12:12

Does the friend (who told your dh all about this lady) sleep with her? Are there any women working for this lady? Is this a professionally run company with a HR department and all?

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beaniesteve · 19/03/2008 12:14

She's obviously a big slapper?

Why?

Because a man said so?

Jesus, gimmie a break.

Perhaps she is successful because she works hard. I hate this kind of stuff and I think you are all very silly to automatically assume that what this person has passed on is the truth.

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mumblesmummy · 19/03/2008 12:15

Blue- I've no idea on the HR thing. It's security so generally they're a bit shoddy.

She only has men working for her because of the nature of the work.

The friend doesn't actually work in security so he just sees what goes on, and apparently it's like a known thing!! I'd have thought what a load of rubbish to be honest, until he told me about the phone call. He's obviously really uncomfortable about it, and normally he'd just laugh something like that off and assume his mate was being a tit.

Saz- lol, i'm only 22, and he's in his late twenties, and apprently she's even older than that. Though she seems to be acting like a silly teenager and we seem to be being the adults.

It's just taken me by surprise because i think it's downright weird. She must have no shame.

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batters · 19/03/2008 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummyPenguin · 19/03/2008 12:39

I think your DP needs to check the situation out for himself. Other people could be making more of this woman's behaviour than there really is, iyswim. I would tell him to go and see about the job, whereby he'll meet her, be able to suss her out and see if what he's been told about her is likely to be true. If it is true, I would then walk away. It will only lead to hassle which neither of you will need especially with a new baby coming.

These rumours about her could have come from someone with a grudge against her. Let him check the situation out for himself and see what he thinks and not be too led by others.

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blueshoes · 19/03/2008 12:43

I'd be a bit wary about the locker room vibe coming out of your dh's friend. Honestly, if all her subordinates slept with her, they must have some STDs going around in that department. Are all the men really so much like sheep that they would shag a woman because she was their boss and was available? NO ONE ever went against the grain or complained? They are all Shagging the Same Woman - fancy that.

Perhaps your dh could do a bit more checking. He could just go along to the meeting and let her have a look at him, as she says (hopefully glass walls/open area), but also ask before the meeting whether he can chat with some of the existing members of her team, so that he can get an idea of the working environment.

If your dh still feels uncomfortable, then fair enough - there are other jobs out there. It is not all about money.

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nkf · 19/03/2008 12:48

They're probably just fantasising in that silly way men do when they have a woman boss. Some kind of idiocy seems to come over them.

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camillathechicken · 19/03/2008 12:52

jesus, if she is young , free and single, she can sleep with whoever she wants

she might flirt, but that does not automatically mean she is going to try to shag your DH

and if he is that easy to get into bed, then that is his issue .

maybe she has slept , consensually , with all her employees. maybe not.

but this is nasty gossip, not every flirtatious woman is a slapper or a slut

this woman makes it her business to sleep with all the men she employs, and that if he flirted a bit the job was his, guaranteed, but that she'd try to get into him once he worked there

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GermaineSneer · 19/03/2008 12:52

whats if she sees him adn he is a minger?

what?
well oyu gotta think he may be

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Twiglett · 19/03/2008 12:53

woman boss in male-dominated industry

hah!

I will bet she plays a bloke's game, maybe she's slept with one or two .. but the whole premis of this thread is complete wank if you ask me

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VictorianPASqualor · 19/03/2008 12:55

Also, looking back at the OP, didn't you say she made a joke about seeing him and everyone in the office laughed in the background?
Ever thoguht maybe she is good friends with DH's friend and winding him up a treat?

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