To expect that a nearly 8 year old and nearly 10 year old can get ready for bed (teeth cleaned, showered etc etc) without being nagged?

[paolosgirl]

...and nagged and nagged - and then stringing it out for as long as possible? At what age do you stop having to put them to bed? Every single blinkin' night it's a battle

[HonoriaGlossop]

What's their routine? describe to me exactly what happens from when it's starting to be time for bed....

[handlemecarefully]

Oh bloody hell don't say that. Mine are like this at 3 and 5, and I thought that it would be a passing phase which they would outgrow by 8 and 10!

[sasquatch]

Me: time to get ready
DS(12): ok
ME: can you clean teeth please?
Ds; ok
Ds enters bedroom
Me : done teeth?
DS;Oh no (exits, jabbering to self)
Ds enters room
Me: washed face?
ds: oh, no (exits)
ds: (enters room) done!
me: mouthwash?
And so on and so on..........

[paolosgirl]

Their routine is the same every night. They are told in advance what time bedtime is (it's usally around 8.30, depending on what we have on tomorrow, or what we've been doing today)

They then have showers and hair washes (that's usually every other night), supper, teeth cleaned/faces washed then into bed, and "5 minutes" which translates as a short wind-down time reading or playing QUIETLY.

In between then, they fight, bicker, squabble, refuse to come in/go upstairs, and generally act as if they've never come across this concept of bedtime/cleaning their teeth/washing. To get them in bed for 8.30ish is a battle of wills and it's driving me MAD. It's as if I've still got toddlers....

Why can't I just say "bedtime" and have them disappear upstairs? Why must I remind them of the process at every stage??????

[HonoriaGlossop]

Paolos, where are you when all this is going on?

sorry to pepper with questions! i just wonder if they need to go to bed at different times now? Maybe 8.30 for the 8 yr old and 9 for the 10 yr old? Divide and rule, as they say.......it means you can concentrate on jollying along the younger one a bit, and maybe even give him the incentive of you reading to him again? I was still read to at 8 and I remember it very fondly, mum read 'big' stuff to me like Lord of the Rings, which I wouldn't have tackled alone.

Then the older one has that feeling of being a little more grown up rather than lumped in as the 'kids'. If he's a nuisance at bedtime then maybe you have the 'threat' of him having to go back to an earlier bedtime. Maybe there's something for him that he could get once in bed, if not reading to him then maybe he could have a game or something he's not normally allowed...

and from what others have said maybe it's not so unusual. I do think expecting them just to put themselves to bed is a bit unrealistic perhaps. It would be NICE of course! But maybe expecting a bit much.

[KITTENSOCKS]

What about a kitchen timer to remind them that time is ticking away, and any time after the pinger has gone they haven't finished their tasks will be taken off the time in bed reading etc before lights out. You decide a reasonable amount of time to complete their going to bed tasks, say 15 mins to clean teeth, wash face/hands, go to loo, change into nightclothes.

[paolosgirl]

Thanks for all the advice here, ladies . I think maybe I am expecting a bit too much, and perhaps it's worse with it being the school holidays.

The timer is a good idea, and I might try putting them up at a different time. There is less than 2 yrs between them, so we've always just done everything at the same time. The older one would LOVE to go to bed later than his sister - she, on the other hand, would HATE it, but it's worth a try!

[fiddlemama]

Think different bedtimes a good idea. Less than two years between ds and dd2 but have always put them to bed at different times even when they were v small. (Liked to read to them individually).
Possibly bribe older one on lines of: "If you can prove you are sensible enough to go to bed on your own and quietly, without fuss, you can go to bed later"?
Console younger with 10 minutes of special time with mummy, reading or just chatting once she's tucked up?

[Quattrocento]

No you are not being unreasonable. Just unrealistic.