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AIBU?

If I ask ds1's friend's mum to keep balloons out of reach at her ds's birthday party?

105 replies

Olihan · 06/08/2007 21:26

Ds1 (3.7) has developed a massive balloon phobia. It started at a birthday party last year when lots were popping and has got progressively worse. He's now at the point where he won't go into a place that has balloons, if we pass something with balloons on he will try and drag me the other way and he becomes absolutely hysterical if one pops. We ended up leaving 3 parties early at the beginning of the year (all his friends have b'days around Dec/Jan) because of balloons popping. It seems to be the randomness and suddeness of them popping that scares him - we've tried all sorts of things to make him less scared but he's genuinely terrified.

We've now moved and he's been invited to a party by a new friend whose mum I know a bit, she's lovely and we get on well.

Would it be really out of order to expalin the situation and ask if a) the balloons could be blown up so they're not likely to burst and b) if they could be put up where the other kids can't get hold of them?

I feel really stupid for even asking this on here but I know if one pops then I'll have to take ds1 home again and he'll miss out on having fun with his new friends.

What do you think? Has anyone got any other suggestions for dealing with it? If I rang you and made those 2 requests would you think I was barking?

OP posts:
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MerlinsBeard · 06/08/2007 21:28

i can see where you are coming from but imo YABU. Its a party,some kids like balloons some don't. It dpesn't amter of a balloon is only half filled, if a child is stamping on it it will still pop.

DS1 used to be scared of balloons popping but seems to have got over it by himself. i don't know how.

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Desiderata · 06/08/2007 21:29

I have some sympathy, Oli, because I've got a bit a balloon phobia myself ... and party poppers. My ds hasn't, but I struggle to contain my precious nerves at any kind of kids' party.

I don't think it will harm to mention it. Perhaps you could chip in and get some of those helium balloons. They cost a hell of a lot more, but they're unlikely to pop.

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Dinosaur · 06/08/2007 21:29

Olihan, you are not being stupid at all! I think lots of children are scared by balloons at that age.

I think that it would be fine to ask her and my only thought is that it might be easier and less awkward if you do it face to face, over a cup of tea or something, and not over the phone? Just a thought.

Good luck and I hope you can sort something out for him so he can enjoy the party!

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moljam · 06/08/2007 21:31

id mention hes scared but yabu to ask her to keep them away from him.its a childrens party.you may find with his new friends he learns to not be scared by them especially if hes having fun with his friends.

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filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 06/08/2007 21:33

yabu-very much so.

i would think that you were expecting special treatment for your child to the detriment of the others.

it's not like you have known her for ages either.

either don't go or leave if he gets freaked out.

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yelnats · 06/08/2007 21:34

I can see where you are coming from but i do think yabu. My friends dd is also frightened of balloons but I still put them out at my dd's birthday party recently because she absolutely loves them, as do other children. I am afraid if my friend had asked me not to have them then i would have to refuse as my dd would be annoyed at not having balloons at her birthday party.

Sorry!!

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fingerwoman · 06/08/2007 21:37

No, not unreasonable at all. It doesn't hurt at all to have them out of reach.
I wouldn't mind at all if someone rang me and requested no balloons under those circumstances

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LIZS · 06/08/2007 21:37

yabu - explain that you may need to leave early if he gets worried by the balloons and leave it at that. She can decide whether to take the risk and not be offended if you do.

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fingerwoman · 06/08/2007 21:38

to the detriment of others?????
it won't hurt them not to have balloons will it? and if they like this little boy enough to invite him then why on earth would they not care enough to try and make it a nice place for him.
this isn't just a random request for the fun of it, he has a phobia for goodness sake.

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canmummy · 06/08/2007 21:40

Yabu

My dd1 also has a balloon phobia but recently went to a party full of balloons (and boys popping them!). I just stayed with her (wasn't planning to) and gave her lots of reassurrance and played with her. would never have dreamt of asking the mother to not have them

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LIZS · 06/08/2007 21:41

Surely she can credit her fiend with enough intelligence to read between the lines , rather than actually dictate the party. Who knows another child may have a latex allergy or they plan to do things differently anyway.

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LIZS · 06/08/2007 21:42

fRiend even !

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fingerwoman · 06/08/2007 21:43

canmummy, I don't think that is a phobia- sorry.
My mum has a balloon phobia and she can't even be in a room with them without totally freaking out and she's a grown woman lol.

I'm not saying OLihan should "dictate" the party- but seriousyl, if you were having a party and someone called and said that their child was really scared of X then would you not try and cater for that???
I would

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filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 06/08/2007 21:44

i'm saying what i would think if the mother of a child who we didn't know very well phoned and asked if we would keep balloons out of reach.

balloons are big party thing-i am going to rely on them being played with at ds2's party!

why should the other kids miss out?

i'm not being horrid but i think it would be fairer for him to leave or not go.

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LIZS · 06/08/2007 21:45

yes of course, but surely it can be done more subtley than op suggested ?

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TranquilaManana · 06/08/2007 21:45

er, no harm in asking. she may not get it/understand, which would be a shame. or she may have lots on her plate too and have her heart set on the balloons (you never know)...or, like me, she may be using a couple of balloons as her sole effort to 'partify' the place and so not using them would require a major rethink and preparation... but all those are unlikely.
and it is a phobia.
i think you should ask.
i dont think you should take it too much too heart if she says no...

id say yes. id have the rethink on decorations.

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LadyVictoriaOfCake · 06/08/2007 21:45

i would ask. dd2 had a massive balloon phobia for 2 years. she would run screaming out of any area where balloons were, and would actually rather run across a busy road to avoid balloons. it was quite worrying and scary to see a child so terrified of one thing.
she now can tolerate being in the same room as balloons, but is still quite nervous of them.

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filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 06/08/2007 21:46

so what would you do if someone phoned up and said their kid had a phobia of birthday cakes and could you not have one. or candles?

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fingerwoman · 06/08/2007 21:46

but it wouldn't be someone you didn't know very well- if you'd invited them to the party then surely you like them and wouldn't want them to be unhappy?
or maybe not.

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tissy · 06/08/2007 21:47

why not just say to the Mum (face to face, as suggested) that you're planning to accept the invitation, but ask her not to be offended if you leave early, or if ds1 gets upset, as he has a phobia of ballons. If she is that lovely, and her child is not that excited by balloons, she may vountarily decide to keep balloons out of the plan, if not, she knows why you will be leaving. i wouldn't start dictating how the balloons are blown up- that's going a bit too far, and as someone else has said, balloons will be popped!

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filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 06/08/2007 21:48

We've now moved and he's been invited to a party by a new friend whose mum I know a bit, she's lovely and we get on well.


this isn't someone she knows well at all.

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fingerwoman · 06/08/2007 21:48

I would say that we would be having a birthday cake, but that we would gladly arrange for the hcild in question not to see it or have to become distressed by it.
Not quite the same thing though is it?

I really don't get why it's such a big deal to ask if the balloons can just be up high and not played with. the kids will have plenty to do

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LadyVictoriaOfCake · 06/08/2007 21:48

if they said phobia of birthday cake and candles, i would give the childs parent time to getthem out of the room for cake and candle time. then ask them back in.

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canmummy · 06/08/2007 21:48

Sorry fingerwoman but it is a phobia. It took 1.5 hours to get her out into the party after her sobbing and screaming she was petrified - refused to come out of the kitchen. Have to say her dad was with her and it was only when I arrived I encouraged her to go into the actual party. I do know what I'm talking about and where she's coming from

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moljam · 06/08/2007 21:48

LadyVictoriaOfCake how did you get your lo to stage were he can tolerate them?may help op

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