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AIBU?

AIBU to think this is a little impolite?

37 replies

deepest · 02/09/2014 09:06

...or does my BFF not like me?

My BFF has gone down to a south coast resort on holiday next to the one where we go all the time and have had great holidays for the past 15 years.

She has never been to this county before so I, when asked, recommended the best the local hotels and restaurants at the resort we had stayed in over the years.

Got a text from her yesterday to say she was having a drink in my fav hotel - but "it is was all style over substance"....so she was leaving to go back to her resort as "there was no life" in this resort...

Bit sad about this. If someone had recommended something to me and I didnt rate it I would be diplomatic and at least factual ...eg "waited 20 mins to be served at the bar etc..."

Not sure why I feel a bit disappointed - and its not that she didnt like my recommendations - I totally get horses for courses - its the sneering I didnt appreciate....should I respond? Let it lie? Or think she mustnt like me as much as I thought if she was prepared to be sneery...

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OwlCapone · 02/09/2014 09:09

You are over reacting.

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iwantgin · 02/09/2014 09:10

YABU

Things may have changed since you were last there?

Or you are over thinking this.

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ilovesooty · 02/09/2014 09:10

Either tell her you are disappointed on her wording or just say "sorry you didn't like it, each to his / her own" and get over it. I can't see what on earth it has to do with how much she likes you.

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ApocalypseNowt · 02/09/2014 09:11

It's a little bit blunt but that's all really. The place might have changed possibly? I wouldn't give it any more thought.

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mommy2ash · 02/09/2014 09:11

you are thinking way too much into this. you made suggestion she didn't like it and told you so. I'm very honest with most people but extremely honest with anyone im close to.

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cherrybombxo · 02/09/2014 09:12

I don't think it's as extreme as her not liking you but I do think it was a bit shitty to sneer about it after you purposely recommended the place. She could have just said it was alright and not pushed the subject. Some people are too honest for their own good.

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NCISaddict · 02/09/2014 09:16

I think it's extremely rude and would never say that about somewhere someone had recommended. If asked I would be non committal and say something like 'I think it might have changed since you were there' or 'it's nice but not my sort of place'.

She is saying that she thinks you have shit taste which is rude.

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arethereanyleftatall · 02/09/2014 09:17

Yabu. Complete overreaction on your part. So, she doesn't like a place you like. So what.

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Bunbaker · 02/09/2014 09:19

You are over reacting. OH and I once waxed lyrical over an Indian restaurant to a friend. We went with said friend for a meal there soon after and it was really disappointing. We just chalked it up to experience and laughed over it many times afterwards.

Just suck it up.

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Thumbwitch · 02/09/2014 09:20

WEll she's indirectly criticising your taste, isn't she - so she's being rude. I don't think she doesn't like you, just that she is being blunt and undiplomatic about how different your tastes are.

In her place, I wouldn't have dreamt of texting you in such blunt style - I wouldn't have said anything unless you asked, and then I would have said something like "it wasn't really my thing, we must have different tastes" - certainly not been as rude as your friend.

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cleanasawhistle · 02/09/2014 09:31

She was rude,I would have lied and said thankyou for recommending. it was lovely.
I never see the point in hurting someones feelings when they didn't deserve it.

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Pagwatch · 02/09/2014 09:37

It was impolite. Is she usually rude?

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ilovesooty · 02/09/2014 09:37

clean that strikes me as an utterly pointless lie. Are there really so many people about who can't accept that people's tastes differ?
It is of course possible to have a different opinion without being rude but how the OP chooses to react to this is her issue, which is why I suggested she quietly challenge her friend or simply move on.

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TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/09/2014 09:42

Send her a text back that says "Oh, I'm sorry you didn't like it, I thought it would be right up your street"

She can take it as an implied insult or an apology..... Grin

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cleanasawhistle · 02/09/2014 10:48

The OP was recommending a place to her Best Friend that was somewhere which obviously meant a lot to her as she had been visiting the same place for 15 years.

Yes as a best friend I would have lied...don't see it as pointless sparing my friends feelings.

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OwlCapone · 02/09/2014 10:51

If you can't tell the truth to your BFF, who can you be honest with?

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KERALA1 · 02/09/2014 10:53

Mean. But I am a pragmatic liar and will almost always prioritise people's feelings over the truth about mundane stuff like this.

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Thumbwitch · 02/09/2014 10:58

BUt the point is, surely, that there was absolutely no need whatsoever to send a text purely to say "your recommendation was shit, moving on". Saying nothing would have been fine.

If the OP had texted her to ask how she liked the place, different story - but she didn't. She got an unsolicited text telling her that her taste sucked.

Rude.

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LineRunner · 02/09/2014 11:08

"I take it your manners died along with the atmosphere" might be a fitting response.

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deepest · 02/09/2014 12:04

Thanks for all the opposing responses.

I take it as rude/sneery by my standard of manners but wont be sending a combative response as others have their own standard of manners.....and as I said before absolutely appreciate and respect horses for courses, everyone has their own taste etc.

She has never been rude/sneery to me before....but she is really embarrassing in restaurants etc....v sniffy, demanding etc to waiting staff...also loud, self conscious of other diners and uncomfortable.

I have meant to pick her up on this behavior before to waiting staff but have not found the right words as I think it is her exhibiting insecurity rather than real rudeness IYSWIM - usually give the waitress a smile and an eye roll....

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DeWee · 02/09/2014 12:29

All it means is that you have different tastes in holidays. Unless you're planning on holidaying together it's not really an issue.
I've had conversations about places where I have hated/loved and my friends have loved/hated. More interesting on how beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Funny how two people can see things in totally different ways.

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MehsMum · 02/09/2014 12:35

deepest, I am a sensitive soul and I'd be stung to get a text like that about a recommendation I'd made. In her shoes, I'd have said nothing unless you'd asked, and even then I'd have been diplomatic - 'found it wasn't really quite our thing but we did like the xyz though...'

From your second post, she's clearly pretty exacting about the places she visits, so I don't think the text was aimed at you: a lot of hurtful comments are the result of thoughtlessness, not malice*. Rise above it, and if she asks for recommendation in the future, perhaps mention that you don't seem to like the same things so there's maybe not much point in her taking your advice.

*This is of course why rude brassnecky people get away with things: the first few 'comments' are put down to tactlessness rather than downright nastiness.

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deepest · 02/09/2014 12:58

Thanks MehsMum - yes that is a good description - stung - sort of how I feel....just a little unexpected sting - didnt see it coming.

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Charitybelle · 02/09/2014 15:16

Yanbu, this was a little rude. But as PP's have said, sounds more like a lack of sensitivity than direct malice.
I've had to develop a thick skin as some of my friends have openly turned their nose up at the town where I live (which I love btw) when they've been looking for their own place to buy. I've even had comments like "Oh I'd move closer to you in a heartbeat, but my dh has said he could never live somewhere so chavvy" Shock

Best response is to gloss over and move on, if she didn't like you I'm sure she'd think of better more direct ways than this to let you know about it. Don't bother giving her any recommendations in future.

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ilovesooty · 02/09/2014 15:39

The text was unsolicited as said up thread so that makes it rude.
I still think lying to your friends to spare their feelings is pointless. Diplomacy and tempering your comments by balancing them with other observations is another matter
And why on earth deepest wouldyyou socialise with someone so rude to others, not take her up on it and just do passive aggressive smiling and eye rolling?

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