PIL have a huge gold over us but was this comment too far

[Thisreallysucksass]

I do not want to come across as a ungrateful grabby cow. I am very fortunate.

Long story shortened.

Husband and me met 15years ago his parents had a rental house that we moved into and paid them going rate rent. After a year we approached them and asked if they would consider us buying the house as we loved it. They said yes, but husbands bad credit/ccjs and low wages from both parts meant we couldn't get a mortgage. They said they would let us buy the house with the money we were paying them rent. So that's what we have done. We are very grateful towards them for the generous offer. We have now 15years later paid off the house.
We are expanding our family so have been looking to move, we are moving very close to the PIL, we got a good valuation on our house but the area we want to move to is expensive so we are pushing our limits with what we can borrow. Mil approached me before our house viewing (I am very close with her we speak every day on the phone and they see the DC often)

She said they had been looking for a rental to set them up for there retirement and would we consider this. They would like to put a good Chunch of there money down as a deposit ( less than the value of our current home) on the new house we were certain we wanted to buy. They we keep the house we are in rent it out then spilt the rental amount we will get with them. (The house has got a good rental fuigure due to the renovations we have done) they were very happy with that arrangement and I was to manage the property for them. We spoke and it sounded a great offer and it means we would able to live comfortably I manage the property and they take half the money. Seemed good.

So we have decided to buy the other house but the owners are not in any hurry to move it could be a long while yet. We have involved them in the process.

We went for another viewing yesterday and FIL came, we met the owners of the house and they showed us round the house. FIL will chat to anybody and was telling them about the property they already own.

In earshot of both of us he said "well we have already bought them a house and now we are buying them this one" the owner of the house looked embarrassed and I was gutted by this comment and bit my tounge thinking we are very fortunate and they have been very generous to us. We left shortly after. When we got home I was very quiet and spoke to husband about it, he said his dad was out of order and that it was very hurtful to him what he said. His mum (who does brag about money / possessions) has been telling all her friends infront of husband that they are buying us a new house. He didn't correct her.

Everyday I speak to MIL she reminds me how lucky we are and says how great full we should be, I reassure her we are very much so. But it is brought up all the time. We have bought them a lovely gift to show them how great full we are but this isn't going to go away they have a hold over us.

Now we are considering talking to them both and telling them we feel worthless and see what happends. But we are really thinking to go with our original plan of selling up and doing it our selfs.

So am I being unreasonable at these comments? Shal we speak to them or put up and shut up?

[HoldenMcGroin]

Go with selling up and being totally financially independent. Though no doubt they will be forever reminding you of the helping hand they gave you, understandably

[Thisreallysucksass]

Thanks Holden, yes I think you are right.

[Janethegirl]

I'd go with selling up and being financially independent too.

[GummiberryJuice]

I would do it on your own, after all if I have read this right you have bought the house from them they didn't buy a house for you, they just made it easier for you to buy.
They are also not buying this next house, you would still have a mortgage to pay?
I would go it alone, it's one thing for them to help but to tell everyone I wouldn't be comfortable with that especially as you say it's not even the truth of the situation.

[Hollycopter]

Do it by yourself and get rid of this hold they have over you. They're treating you like children.

[Staywithme]

Don't go into any more financial agreements with them as I can see this causing huge problems down the line. I think you would be better ignoring the crap they're coming out worth and just tell them you appreciate their offer but want the freedom of owning your own property. It seems a shame to fall out over their stupidity.

[Staywithme]

With not 'worth'.

[maccie]

Do you have any kind of legal agreement that states you own the original house/percentage of house or are you relying on their honesty to hand over what you have paid off it so far ?

[Thisreallysucksass]

Yes gummi, you've read it completely right.
Thing that makes it worse is they live in a tiny little village and have told pretty much anyone who would listen about "our new house we are buying" we have to face these people. It's totally embarrassing. If we hadn't of fallen in love with this new house I don't think we would still be moving there after this.

[SavoyCabbage]

I would much rather be independent than have a bigger house or live in a 'better' area. Much rather.

[Thisreallysucksass]

No maccie we own it now have all the official paperwork to say it is now ours.

[CromerSutra]

My parents helped me out massively to buy my house. I never ever ask them for anything and this was a huge surprise, however if they went on and on about it and told everyone I would rather do it on my own. They have never done that, never mentioned it to anyone at all.

[CromerSutra]

I would be as independent as I could in these circumstances.

[flowery]

House sales fall through all the time, why would it be embarrassing for anyone if this one does? I can't imagine circumstances where a bigger house is more important than independence and is worth putting up with this type of thing.

[Thisreallysucksass]

Up until quite recently this house was never really mentioned to our knowledge. But our neighbours assumed we were renting here and it's been thrown back at us a few times by so called fiends. So MIL has told me to never mention the deposit to anyone as its none of there business and they don't want it causing problems again like it has. However they can tell all and Sundray about it.

[RhiWrites]

Why don't PIL buy your current house from you? You bought it from them and now have a deposit for the new house. They could buy the old house which they have owned in the past and presumably thought was a good investment and you can be free and clear of them in your house.

I do agree that you should stay to them that while you appreciate their past generosity this time you want to do it alone.

But if you do decide to go ahead with the original plan remember that what anyone else thinks shouldn't be the issue. Their assumptions etc. The important think is the true situation and how you and PIL feel about it.

[flowery]

How could your housing arrangements cause problems or be "thrown back at you" by anyone else?

Just buy your own house, and don't discuss it with anyone else unless it's their business, which it isn't. I'd also rethink the plan of moving very close to your PIL if I were you...

[lunar1]

I would sell your house and buy you next one independently. I wouldn't like the way they are making you feel.

[Thisreallysucksass]

Rhi we have thought about that however the difference is about £60k between what they are putting towards the new place and what this is worth. But as the new mortgage is so stretched at the moment we can't financially get the other £60k. I think this is the reason they want to do this for us. They want to rent our house as it does well as a rental but they can't afford going value of it now. If we could of borrowed more than I would of loved to do that as a nice guest you're for them for helping us.

[Floralnomad]

TBH I think you are over thinking this - who will really care . In reality you have lived in a house and own it outright after 15 years ,whereas 15 years ago you couldn't afford to get on the property ladder ( or not in the nice house) - how many people who rent now ( for whatever reason) can say they will have done that IYSWIM . Your Inlaws obviously want to come across as benevolent parents( and in truth to a degree they are ) ,who ,except you ,will give it any thought - I don't know the ins and outs of my neighbours finances and even if I did I wouldn't care . Is your DH an only child because the only time this could become an issue is when your Inlaws need care or die .

[flowery]

The house you're in now is yours, so what they'd like to do with it is not relevant.

If you want to move, sell your house and buy a new one, like most people, and don't get your PIL (or their friends or neighbours) involved in your finances.

[Thisreallysucksass]

Floral yes my DH is a only child

[MaryWestmacott]

I think it's time to cut those apron strings. Sell up this house, buy another one you can afford without assistance from them. It might be smaller than the one you want, but you can't afford what you want a help from your PIL involves being publicly humliated.

Stand on your own two feet. Let them buy a rental if htey want, keep your finances and your finances separate.

[Icimoi]

Don't get over-invested in a house you have "fallen in love with". It's only bricks and mortar - and there are lots of disadvantages in living in tiny villages. I agree, look for one you can afford on your own and leave the in-laws to make their own arrangements for rental properties.