Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

AIBU?

To feel that a lot of us including me have it easy

17 replies

Bambamboom · 19/08/2014 20:59

Just tried to watch a dispatches on Nigeria's hidden war, made me realise how lucky we are and instantly guilty for ever complaining about my life in any way shape or form. Some of the things I've got upset about today are so pathetic compared. Innocent children and pregnant women being targeted and killed and I cried because my mum didn't come and see me and saw my aunty instead.
Get a grip woman.
Honestly, anyone who's feeling bad about life, watch 10 minutes of it, it's all I could manage!
Devastated.

OP posts:

Report

SorryForTheTypos · 19/08/2014 21:01

YANBU

WooWooOwl · 19/08/2014 21:13

It's all relative.

There are some horrific things going on in the world, but that doesn't make any of the suffering that people experience here any less real.

Bambamboom · 19/08/2014 21:15

True. Just made me feel guilty, personally.

OP posts:

PinkyHasNoEars · 19/08/2014 21:19

I was going to say what WooWoo has said, but probably not as eloquently.

I struggle a bit with this "I can't feel [whatever] because others have it worse than me". I can see that can be helpful if you feel you are being self-indulgent and feel you need to give yourself a bit of a shake, but there are plenty of traumatic and dreadful things that happen in so-called privileged societies.

We are have to deal with our own pain to a greater or lesser degree. The fact that others may be suffering, very probably more, has never really made me feel better about my own life. Sometimes it makes me feel worse because then I feel helpless as well.

Bambamboom · 19/08/2014 21:23

I agree. When you are really suffering it does seem like the whole world is crashing down around you, I guess because we all have our own little worlds that are incredibly portent to us and it can be just as devestating when things go wrong.
I think I felt so guilty because I was being very self indulgent today and feeling sorry for myself and sat down to watch that and it certainly did give me a shake!

OP posts:

Hassled · 19/08/2014 21:25

Everyone feels a bit self-indulgent at times and "woe is me". And sometimes it is useful to have a reality check - there's always, always, someone whose troubles are significantly worse. But you shouldn't ever feel guilty about having a low moment.

VampireSquid · 19/08/2014 21:28

I am Syrian- my family and I moved over when I was a young child. My cousin and her children have been granted asylum here after they relaxed the restrictions. She hasn't talked about it much, understandably, but it makes me realise how lucky I am. The suffering around does not devalue your own suffering, of course, it could go on for ages, what about those who can't afford to leave Lebanon/Jordan etc; to seek asylum, what about those who are starving to death in other countries, what about this kid who's worse off somehow? It can go on forever. But I feel extremely lucky to be living in a developed country where I don't live with the threat of violence or death daily.

I don't feel less happy because others are happier, though, so I think it's all relative. We all have our little sufferings, it isn't pathetic to feel hurt or sad about something comparatively small.

UpUpAndAway123 · 19/08/2014 21:35

I think you can get reality checks in your own life as well that can put things into perspective. Out of the blue my mum has been diagnosed with advanced colon cancer with liver mets. Huge fucking punch in the face reality check. I have had a few days indulging my grief....but more thinking about my mum, dad 4 sisters....one of them 14 years old.
Yeah there is lots of shit ib the world that is awful but sometimes your own life gets shit as well!

Bambamboom · 19/08/2014 21:43

Upupandaway that is terrible. Thoughts are with you and your family.
My dad unexpectedly died of an aneurysm and my nana of cancer, grief is needed at such times I believe.
I wouldn't have felt guilty for crying over those things after watching that program just the silly little things we moan about in everyday life.

OP posts:

BeachyKeen · 19/08/2014 21:49

We all have our trials, but you are right, it is important to pause sometimes, and be aware. There are horrific things happening all around us right now. Ebola, Russia VS Ukraine, Iraq, Somalia, Syria, Gaza, it goes on.
It is overwhelming, because we can't change it or stop it. We know people are suffering in a thousand ways.
We still have our trials, it could be health, money, family, spiritual or anything. We still have our own suffering, even when we are aware that others have even bigger trials.
That is why it is so important to also take stock of all of our resources, like friends, our heath care, access to safe food and water, education, and all that sort of good stuff.

PinkyHasNoEars · 19/08/2014 21:51

I think having a bit of a moan is part and parcel of life though. I think it's only when that becomes an obsession with your self and your own importance that it becomes a problem: when it means that you lose your compassion for, and awareness of, others.

That clearly hasn't happened to you Bambam and I really think you're allowed to be upset that you didn't see your mum when you wanted to.

PinkyHasNoEars · 19/08/2014 21:53

Also, I had a situation recently where I realised that I was the person that someone was holding up as being "so much worse off than them". I can tell you it feels like crap to be at the end of that one!

meltedmonterayjack · 20/08/2014 08:10

My Grandma used to say "My one broken leg hurts more than your 2 broken legs." I agree that just because someone has broken both, doesn't make your one broken one hurt any less.

But it is about perspective I think as everyone else has said.

I don't feel guilty for feeling hurt, sad, peed off but wouldn't get into a froth over not being able to have the new carpet I wanted say, or an Amazon order being late etc. It does surprise me how seemingly trivial and material things can really get people worked up when we have so much and are so lucky compared with so many people in the world.

People on my estate are always whinging about the state of our HA flats. To me they're fine. Safe, have running water, don't leak, don't look too bad etc. My reply is that our flats are unimaginably luxurous to people living in sheet metal shacks with open sewers running past or in bleak refugee camps and that personally I feel bloody lucky.

Twotallladies · 20/08/2014 08:21

It's a reminder to be grateful every day.

ouryve · 20/08/2014 08:25

YANBU about how awful the situation is there (and in many other places) but that doesn't negate the experiences of many people here and in other stable countries. There are many people in our own country living in constant fear of violence or wondering whether their DC will still be alive, this time next week.

Mrsjayy · 20/08/2014 08:29

What woowoo said really there is horrific tragedy in the world but it isnt your fault you have no reason to feel guilty sympathy and compassion for others yes but no guilt, yanbu though we are very lucky.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 20/08/2014 08:30

It does put things into perspective but nothing is ever going to change the fact that we were simply born into an easier life.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.