Sorry this is kind of long!
I’m 32 and have recently got married to my DH, after 4.5 years together, who has 2 girls (14 and 10) who we have 50% of the time, we all get along really well so no problems there.
The girls mum is a recovering alcoholic, who sorted herself out about 2.5 years ago, and now works, and has them 50% of the time. She is doing a bit better, but still pretty useless in terms of providing for the girls (we buy pretty much everything, despite her promises to buy ½ school uniforms etc, it never happens). She has promised that she will take the girls to New York in 2015 to her cousins wedding, but based on past experience, I really can’t see it.
My IL’s have a small holiday home in the Algarve, so the girls get taken there every year without fail, which they love. The girls love it and it’s really great as it means we can all have a break with only budget flights and spending money to cover. Also, the kids are not spoilt, but they do not go without in terms of gadgets, clothes pocket money. I think my DH tries to make up for their useless Mum, in some ways.
About two years ago my OH and I went to Florida for a week together, without the kids, I felt a bit guilty, but it was the only holiday we had taken together, ever, and when we were looking for a week in Europe, a very cheap deal popped up (as it was term time I guess), so we grabbed it. The kids didn’t seem that fussed (they have been before), but I did feel a bit bad going without them.
Then last month we went away without them on our honeymoon for 10 days, round SE Asia (paid for by my parents as a wedding present), I don’t think the kids would have even wanted to go to these locations and it was our honeymoon, so I don’t feel too guilty about going away without them, but obviously, on paper, it was a child free holiday.
At the moment we are all in my flat that I bought before I met my DH, it’s a bit cramped but we are trying to make do and save up for a deposit on a house so we can upgrade to a larger place, nearer the girls school and friends. We will need a minimum of £15k, and have £3.5k so far.
So, anyway, my Dad and my DSM are moving to San Francisco shortly for 2 years. He has spoken about my DH and I going to visit, an told us he has enough Avios (air Miles) to “pay” for our flights whenever we want to go over for a visit and they have a 2 bed place, so we can stay there, no problem. Great!
However, the dilemma is, I would feel really guilty about going away without the kids again, especially to America, but the problems are…..
- My Dad isn’t overly keen on children, and it would be a bit of a squash with all 6 of us in a 2 bed place. If we asked, I know he wouldn’t say no they couldn’t come, but I wouldn’t impose all of us in his place for 10 days, so I guess the plan would be spend 5 days there, then hire a car for 5 days and do our own thing (California theme parks, maybe?). This obviously would cost.
- The “free” flights for my DH and I that my Dad is offering will be available on a few select dates only. Realistically, the chance of getting them in the school holidays, is slim to none, so to cover 4 flights during the holidays would be about £3200.
So, to cut to the crunch. Dh and I have the chance of a free holiday, we would love to take the girls, but if we do it’s going to cost us upwards of £5000, basically all our savings, when we are trying to save for a house deposit.
Also, I haven’t had any serious discussions about this with my DH, but he has already mentioned in passing to the kids about us all going there on holiday at some point, but I don’t think he has considered the cost implications (he does this a lot).
I will feel a total bitch if we can’t take them, but I think at the moment our financial priority should be focusing on the house. It’s kind of a heart vs head situation!
WWYD? Help!
) or for a family holiday to a destination of their choice.