To make my daughter contribute all her savings to an iPhone

[Judgeybear]

My DD wants an iPhone 5s for her 11 birthday. I'm horrified- I don't even have an iPhone 5s!! She has £200 in savings and I'm insisting she contributes the lot towards it if she really wants it. The worst part is she attends a school where there are a lot of rich families (we're not by any men's rich) and some if the children have had iPhone 5s given to them without any contribution. I'm now getting grief from DD about this which I think is what's upsetting me most. DD has no real concept of how much all this cost but I think it's the rampant materialism that's upsetting me. Am I behind the times?

[Cavort]

If she wants one she should contribute. How else will she learn the value of money? It's irrelevant what the other kids get given.

[itsbetterthanabox]

Would you not get her a contract? A 5S on pay as you go would be wasted. If you buy outright then yes she should pay some towards seeing as it is about 600!

[PurpleSwift]

If you can't afford an iPhone typically then I don't think you're being unfair in asking her to contribute. She may not think its fair but what good will it do in letting her think everything in life is fair? Yanbu

[BreconBeBuggered]

Doesn't matter in the least what other children at her school have been given. The questions to ask yourself are : Does she need an iPhone 5s? Will she look after it? Can you afford it?
I have an 11-year-old, and personally I'd be saying No to all of the above, even if he contributed a substantial amount towards it.

[Flexibilityisquay]

It seems quite reasonable that she should contribute if she really wants it. I'd ignore the grief and stick with your plan.

[DogCalledRudis]

If she goes to "rich" school, there will be uncomfortable situations of why is she different. It is not rampant materialism, its "keeping up with the joneses"

[peanutbutterandoreos]

She does not need an iPhone at 11. No way. Am I right in thinking she must be going into year 7? Maybe a second hand iPhone 4 passed down from you or a relative but not a brand new top of the range one. Tbh I wouldn't even let her buy one with her own money at that age, I doubt the majority of 11 year olds are responsible enough to take care of a £500 piece of technology.

My DD had a 2nd hand blackberry when she was 12, didn't (only 3 years ago so not behind the times, and was one of the very cheap models - she didn't have a phone at 11, there was no need) and then only got an iPhone when she was 14.5 and could be trusted. If it breaks I won't be buying her a new one either.

[Notso]

My 14 year old wants an iPhone but there is no way I would buy her one or get a contract. We gave her money for her birthday and she has been saving for a while but she decided to buy herself a laptop as she is going into GCSE year.
DD has an IPad we gave her and an iPod touch she bought herself.
I am not happy with her having an iPhone, I prefer her phone to be used for us keeping in contact not her going online all the time.
We don't live in a rich area but most of her friends have iPhone 5 or the big samsung galaxy whatever.

[susiedaisy]

No way does she 'need' an iPhone at 11 she may want one but she doesn't need it. My ds is 16 and has the iPhone 4. Never had one until then.

[Purplehulk]

My 11 yo was desperate for an ipad, so we compromised, she paid 70 percent of it and is working extra chores around the house for the remaining 30. She looks after it like her life depends on it, so it seems my plan worked

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

She isn't learning about money and value though, is she?

She learning that if she gives you enough grief you will work out and way for her to get what she wants.

She's 11. The money she has means nothing to her if she will give it ALL up and you pay the rest.

[greenfolder]

just say no? and i dont mean that flippantly at all. dd1 had one for her 16th birthday and dd2 for her 15th on contracts. dd1 had 2 stolen in the last 2 years and now has a samsung. dd2 spends all her money getting it fixed because drop it and the front and rear glass shatters. this costs 50 a time.

tell her she can have one when she is older. even if you buy outright, you will need to spend on gadget insurance each month (we claimed off our household policy and have paid higher premiums ever since, lesson learned).

[BackforGood]

IMO, YABU to let her have one. No 11 yr old needs a phone that costs that much.
I'm all for expecting my dc to save up for something they really want, but I'd draw the line and them wasting their money on something like that, that's just going to be replaced by the next one before long even if it's not stolen, lost or broken first.

[SlightlyNerdyPianist]

Another perspective on this; my daughter has an iPhone 5s on a contract (birthday present) which I pay for (and believe me I am by no means rich!) but I sold her iPhone 4 (also a birthday present) to pay for the one off charge, and shopped around for a good deal. Also, with her, she's not interested in clothes or other things that teens like; she likes tech stuff, so that's what she asks for each birthday.

On the other hand, she coveted an iPad a few Christmases ago, and there was no way I could have afforded it, but I contributed my usual £150 present fund towards it, she added in her £50 from Granny, and she paid the rest herself by a combination of selling everything she owned that wasn't nailed down and dog walking for extra cash.

For us, I get my daughter what I can reasonably afford, and what I can't she pays for herself. It seems to work for me :)

[SlightlyNerdyPianist]

Oh, I should have said, she didn't get one until she was 14. I only mentioned this because of the combination of her paying for some stuff herself and getting some stuff as birthday presents....

[2kidsintow]

Has she had a mobile phone before? If so, has she treated it well?

I'd also suggest putting towards it whatever you would normally spend on gifts (£100 all in here max) and have her contribute towards it. And there wouldn't be a party either as my DDs have always had to choose between a party for their friends and a smaller amount spent on gifts from us, or no party and a more expensive gift.

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

DD1 will buy one after her confirmation next year. Her own money, and she will be almost 13. And we could well afford to buy one for her. But this way she will be a lot more careful with it, and feel the consequence directly if she's not.
And she will appreciate it much more too.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

DD1 is owed an iphone 5c for her 16th, she's waiting for her Ace's contract to expire.

She knows it costs twice as much, will look after it (she hasn't lost her or broken her phone, ipod or lap top in 5years of having such things and is entirely capable of keeping then charged)

Likewise DD2 will get a decent android phone for 14th birthday because she has looked after laptops, since she was 6 and phones and iPods from about 10. She has an android tablet and understands google play, DD1 likes iTunes (it hates me)

11 is to young to see the full cost and it's too soon to know if stuff gets stolen at school. That DD1, who tends to get the rough end of stick, hasn't had her phone/ipod nicked even temporarily in fun is incredibly pleasing.

[Judgeybear]

Thanks everyone - my gut instinct is with everyone who has said an 11 year old doesn't need such an expensive piece of kit.

[StrawberryMouse]

All our new phones have been on contracts and fully
insured against loss, theft, damage etc and this can be done pretty cheaply (although at 11 I would be wondering if she really needs one). I wouldn't ask her to waste all her savings on this but then again I would never buy a phone outright.

[susiedaisy]

Don't forget also op you will need to insure it.

[NatashaGurdin]

itsbetterthanabox Tue 29-Jul-14 23:24:57
Would you not get her a contract? A 5S on pay as you go would be wasted. If you buy outright then yes she should pay some towards seeing as it is about 600!

How do you work that out itsbetterthanabox? Companies like GiffGaff (I think there are others who do similar deals) offer perfectly good sim-only deals suitable for smartphones and mean no being tied into a contract. My DSD has one for her IP5 and it suits her perfectly well, gives her everything she needs. (She's 19, a student and she bought and funds it herself from her part time job).

I think children do not need this kind of technology so young especially if it has financial repercussions for their parents such as an increase in insurance or them taking a contract out in their name which can affect credit records adversely.

It depends on the child of course but I think a lot of them do not understand how much up to date technology costs and they should prove they can look after other important possessions first and it is perfectly reasonable for them to contribute as well.

[SqueakySqueak]

DD won't be getting a cell phone that connects to the internet until she's old enough to understand the responsibility and how everything you text, post, or look up can always come back to you. Of course, she's just a baby atm, but I won't be giving her a nifty phone that she can use to text with during class.

[SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker]

Ds#1 has a non-smart phone, he is 18 he went to a school where there was excessive wealth (new drivers driving Lexus SUVs for instance). Ds#2 does not have a phone, he is 13. Neither have died despite their extreme deprivation ds gets birthday money he could use for a phone. I think kids shouldn't have many fancy things unless they have worked for them, it keeps their expectations fairly realistic when they become college students or in their first job. Ds#1 is working full time this summer, he just got paid and will most probably get an iPhone. We have agreed to keep paying his regular non smart plan and he will pay to top it up to a smart plan. We're also letting him use our discounted phone rate to buy the phone for cheap with contract.