To not have any play dates this holiday?

[missmash]

I have always had playdays for my DS(6) friends in the holidays, ranging from one friend to "parties" with up to 6 friends but after a distinct lack of return invites I decided no more!!
But now I'm beginning to wobble, DS is asking if x and y can come over but I just have such a lack of enthusiasm for it, some of the children have one parent who works full time so I understand that it is difficult but really AIBU to expect an invitation in return, I think it's good manners but maybe it's ok not to reciprocate and just expect your child to play at other peoples houses.
I'm really trying not to get annoyed but it's hard! Whenever DS has gone to other peoples houses the parents always say he has been good so I'm fairly sure it's not because he's badly behaved.

[numptieseverywhere]

yep, same story here. We always seem to host the play dates and the sleepovers here. It gets a bit old..

[notkatemiddleton]

I've had the adult version of this (dinner parties) and am not looking forward to play dates. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all to appreciate reciprocation. If I personally feel bad if I don't.

[Fanfeckintastic]

I've been put off playdates for life. Some horrible experiences!

[Hakluyt]

So you're refusing to let your children play with their friends because their parents don't return the invitations? Really?????

Once again- I live in an alternative universe!

[SiennaBlake]

I suppose it depends if you do play dates so you can get it reciprocated or whether you do it so your child has a fun day with their friends.

[Laura0806]

If you get annoyed at not being invited back don't invite in the first place. I don't invite people to get invited back! You have no idea what other peoples circumstances are but Im sure they'd be put off if they knew if they accepted your invite they must reciprocate or you'll be annoyed! YABU

[missmash]

Ok, at least I'm not the only one who feels the pain too! it seems so unsociable, to be honest I think he will be happy enough playing with his brother and the days we do have planned to do things, but it gets me so annoyed about the situation.
I know all the parents concerned but just can't think of a reason why they can't be arsed to reciprocate.
The final straw has come about because of one Mum in particular, whenever her DS comes to me she always drops and runs at the doorstep with some reason why (doesn't work) which is fine. When she does ask DS back to hers she then invited me and DS2 in and then leaves us with all 3 of her children while she "gets some jobs done" !!! I didn't realise I was such a doormat but I just there so I obviously am!!n

[Hakluyt]

Do your children enjoy having their friends round? Yes? Then have them round. So mean spirited to deny them the pleasure because of some bizarre desire for reciprocation.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Yanbu. It's basic manners. Luckily enough of dds parents have manners and reciprocate, so these are the children that get invited to ours. If no one reciprocated, I would organise play dates etc at parks so child doesn't miss out but you don't get taken advantage of.

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

It is annoying!

We now have teenagers who's friends all seem to congregate around here, every bloomin' day. I end up feeding them, either with barbecues or our cooked dinners, or if we have a takeaway they're always included.

If they want to go out or be picked up from anywhere, it is normally us who does the taking or picking up (sometimes from a fair distance).

Sometimes, I really do wish the offer could be reciprocated by some other parents.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

When she does ask DS back to hers she then invited me and DS2 in and then leaves us with all 3 of her children while she "gets some jobs done"

Well yes that is taking the piss but she did ask your ds back, next time decline the invite in job done!

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

I do also agree, though, that it is nice for them all to have somewhere safe and inviting to congregate.

Actually, if no-one comes round on the odd occasion, I wonder where they all are

[missmash]

Sorry Hakluyt, I realise I sound mean spirtited and that is part of the issue. I'm finding it hard to send out the invite and in two if the children's cases pick them up and drop them off, and get so little in return, not because I want someone else to look after DS, I suppose it's more about feeling a bit used.

In all fairness improbably will relent because I do realise it's not fair on DS I just find it infuriating.

[GooseyLoosey]

Same here. I just grin and bear it because I want to help ds maintain his friendships. It does annoy me though especially when I seem to have had some children over endless amounts of times and ds has never darkened their doorsteps.

Oddly the parents of dd's friends of scrupulous about return invitations. I do wonder how much of it is down to ds and his friends just to caring about him enough to invite him (even though they like him well enough).

[itsnothingoriginal]

I think you do get to a point where it's annoying when playdates aren't reciprocated though. YANBU as I get this too.

I find it quite hard work having other people's kids around to play. I know my kids enjoy it but cooking, cleaning up and trying not to let the games get put of hand is time consuming!!

My DD has only once had a playdate reciprocated - I've lost count of the number of her friends that have come to ours. Sad for her really as well as think that some parents are being a tad unfair to expect it all one way.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Mismatch - you are not the mean spirited one here, the other parents are.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

I certainly don't think you should be picking the boys up, why won't the parent do the drop off?

Just invite one at a time, the thought of inviting a group,6 boys, 6 boys ! on top of my own three would have had me reaching for the gin

[missmash]

Thanks, it would help if they at least gave an excuse, said that they don't do playdays in their home etc but it's the thank you very much, can't wait til next time that pisses me off!!
I'm working the rest of the week so it's not an issue til Sunday!!!

[MrsWinnibago]

YANBU. I am the opposite....I don't like accepting playdates because I can't easily return them. We don't have a car so can't reciprocate offering to collect DC etc and we live in a very small flat so it's not practical either.

My older DD is nagging me so I might have to have one or two of her friends over if their parents will drop them off but my 6 year old? She;ll be fine...I might meet up with her friend's parents one day in the local park for a picnic...thatll be that!

[MrsWinnibago]

SanDIego not ALL parents have a car you know.

[missmash]

Stillstay, I have picked one boy up on occasions since nursery, his mum doesn't drive and although it's only a 20 minute walk she is never keen to drop off, I've know started walking to meet them halfway!
The other Mum doesn't speak much English and it's hard to have a proper conversation, she has a smaller DS and I guess I just feel for her having to bring them on the bus so I offer to collect/drop, whenever her DH is around he will do it though.

Gin is always welcome after I've had the 6 of them

[Hakluyt]

But friends to play is about the children,not the parents. Why should your child miss out because of their friends' parents?

And when they're older it's great to be the place they want to come to- it really helps you to keep in touch with them and their friends.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

I don't drive but I would get my children to the house where they'd been invited to, I didn't expect them to be picked up.

[Stinkle]

I don't organise official play dates, but I still end up having the neighbourhood kids congregating here.

It does get a bit annoying with some of the other neighbours though, they're quite happy to send their kids round here, but hell would freeze over before they let all the kids into their houses

I did get fed up with providing drinks and the biscuit tin emptying as fast as I could fill it, DD's loom bands kept getting raided, her room ending up a complete tip and everyone else buggering off without helping to tidy up when it was never reciprocated

I've put my foot down and just chuck them all out when I've had enough, I don't mind giving them water/squash but if they're hungry they can go home, loom bands are put away unless they bring their own with them and I've banned them all from bedrooms