AIBU to think childcare should have been sorted by now?

[PleaseSortItOut]

There is a group of us going away at the end of the week. It has been planned and paid for, for a long time. It isn't a last minute thing and everyone in the group (including person OP is about, it isn't a compulsory thing, something she wanted to be involved in) was in agreement about when and where, prices etc.

I am just trying to confirm last minute details and this one person is being a pain about replying and is requiring chasing up. I resent having to chase up an adult because they can't be arsed to reply to messages that they have seen (and I know they have and have not been too busy before anyone points this out).

After chasing them up they have finally replied and said they haven't sorted out their childcare yet! They have had 8 months notice, they agreed they wanted to come and paid. They have form for dropping out at the last minute and this I suppose to be one of the drivers in the group.

They have family and friends and a DP who usually takes time off when she wants to do something so he can be at home with the children Clearly she hasn't asked him to do it this time which is unusual as she said she would and I know him and he doesn't hesitate. I would say maybe she isn't keen but she stands to lose quite a bit of money at this late stage and she won't want to so I don't understand what she is doing really.

[WorraLiberty]

Maybe she's arguing with her DP about it and doesnt want to say?

[Groovee]

YANBU, this is the sort of thing dh's SIL does. She did it on my birthday weekend away years ago. She tried to pull our just prior to us going. MIL paid for her to come in the end. They all think I don't know!

But I suspected she would do it and refused to have my weekend ruined by her, so made her book her own place.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

Just leave her alone, her DH or someone in her family may well have let her down or have good reason to be undecided if they can help,

Not everyone can click their fingers and child care magically appears

[PleaseSortItOut]

No I am aware of that, but she has had time to sort it before this. Not leave it until the last minute, then say she hasn't done it yet. If she couldn't get someone, she would have had no problem saying so. Also if she is looking to pull out, she would have used it as her 'get out'.

[PleaseSortItOut]

Subsequently, the rest of us are left hanging because she wants to be one of the drivers (which we were happy with) and now we don't know what is happening.

[gamerchick]

Just assume she's not going and arrange yourselves that way.

[PleaseSortItOut]

Her DP has no leave left apparently. It seems odd to me. If you know you have children and you have paid to go away for a couple of nights, wouldn't you make sure your DP took time off work. When she originally said she was coming she said her DP would get time off (and he isn't an arsehole and more than happy for her to go away, never been a problem before) but it seems he hasn't.

I have a feeling she may be gearing up to drop out. It crossed my mind before that it could happen but it will be annoying if she suddenly does it as things will have to be changed at the last minute. Or if she does find childcare, it will likely mean we can't go for as long as the rest of us planned because of one person not sorting herself out.

And before people pile in and say maybe she has no family etc. She does and many of the will not be at work so that is not an issue.

[greenfolder]

well its her problem and business surely? if she has already paid, how does her not going negatively impact you? could understand if you were going to be out of pocket. tbh, if i had paid for a few days away and then nearer the time couldnt go/didnt want to go i would hope that in a group it would be no issue

[PleaseSortItOut]

Because she insisted on being a driver and a drop out will put up other costs and make the trip 'uneven'. Trying to be vague as I don't want to out myself but its not purely a case of she can't go, she loses money, nothing else is impacted because of it. There will be a knock on affect and the later she leaves it, the more annoying really it is for the rest of the group because we need to rearrange things.

Everyone else has managed to sort themselves out. Details have all been finalised and she's thrown this spanner in by not having sorted herself out and not even telling anyone until she has been chased up.

To me, it smacks of a lack of respect for anyone else in the group. If I turn around at this point and change it with the assumption she isn't coming, I'm sure she'll be all hurt and insist it isn't necessary. It doesn't put our minds at ease though, having to wait around and rely on someone when it should have been sorted a long time ago and there was never any indication from her that she hadn't done this. There have been plenty of conversations about the trip as well so she has had ample time to tell us if there was a potential problem but she never said a word.

[Janethegirl]

Don't invite her ever again.

[Staryyeyedsurprise]

YANBU it's annoying.

But two things spring to mind - has she money worries and doesn't went to add more £ to what she's already spent? Or is DP being awkward?

I had something planned for months & my mum got the date mixed up and booked something for herself and only mentioned it days before - I was gutted, but had to suck it up as she hadn't done it deliberately. It still bloody annoys me though!

[Appletini]

You know she has form for dropping out so why is this a surprise?

[londonrach]

Simples....Just rearrange as if she's not coming. She paid already. And don't invite her again if she has form. Have a lovely weekend x