My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

What would you expect your DH to do?

311 replies

notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 16:55

Last night, I went out for a meal with some friends for a friends birthday

I drove back to our house as i am 30 weeks pregnant and wasn't drinking but everyone else was (the car was full). I drove because the taxi from our house to the restaurant and back again was £50 each way. So I thought seeing as I wasn't drinking, i would save everyone (including myself) some extra cash.

During the drive back from the restaurant , in the dark, in country lanes, with me driving, when I braked to go around a corner, a friend of my DH thumped the back of my seat, violently to mimic a head hitting the back of it. He was told off by my DH as in "Come on man...." but then did it again at some traffic lights later on in the journey. I got disorientated and almost went through a red light.

We got to our destination and I screamed at him to get out of the car. He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the fing car otherwise i fing will....get out of my sight".

I went straight to bed, sobbing my eyes out, woke up the next morning and the friend was gone. DH says that he spoke to him and that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it. But no apology to me??

Part of me expected my DH to be a bit more brutal with him, after all i was driving.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 28/07/2014 16:59

What exactly did you want your H to do? Have you apologised for screaming and swearing?

I get that he annoyed and frustrated you but it does sound like you over reacted.

Numanoid · 28/07/2014 17:02

YABU. A better way to deal with it would have been to say "that is disorientating me and making me nervous, could you please stop?" You lost any right to an apology after you started screaming and swearing at him. I'm not trying to be harsh on you, but if I were your husband, I'd be mortified that you did that.

Spinaroo · 28/07/2014 17:02

I think it sounds ok- would you have rather he woke you up to apologise? He probably my feels bad about it but thought it hilarious whilst he was drunk. I don't think it's worth your dh or you bring any more brutal.

notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 17:03

Sorry i disagree with you there...I don't think swearing was over reacting when he was deliberately trying to distract me by punching the back of my chair when I was driving at night, with a car full of people. Very dangerous.

OP posts:
Fudgeface123 · 28/07/2014 17:04

Brutal???

notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 17:04

hat is disorientating me and making me nervous, could you please stop?"

Have you ever said that to a drunk person? Given that I said his name loudly the first time, that didn't work.

OP posts:
notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 17:04

and he did it a second time!

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 28/07/2014 17:05

I think you already had a word with him when he got out of the car.

He wouldn't be getting a lift in future.

notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 17:06

Part of me thinks he should have got him to apologise to me given I had given them all a lift home!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 28/07/2014 17:06

Swearing and screaming was an over reaction. Someone hitting the back of your seat would obviously piss you off, but not make you lose control.

NatashaBee · 28/07/2014 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

overmydeadbody · 28/07/2014 17:06

Why didn't you tell him to stop?

If I had been driving I would have calmly pulled over the car to a safe stop and asked him to get out or promise not to do that again while I was driving. I would not have left it up to my DP to deal with it.

Sounds like a horrible situation, but at least he has apologised.

MaidOfStars · 28/07/2014 17:07

He sounds like a bit of a twat but I also think you massively overreacted. Is there any bad blood between you and your husband's friend?

notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 17:07

This is the thing, my DH was just like 'He was drunk' and shrugged his shoulders. Yes, but him hitting the back of a drivers seat, in the middle of the night, when i was nervously trying to get us all home could have resulted in an accident!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 28/07/2014 17:07

Your H can't make someone apologise, if you want an apology why don't you contact this person and speak to him about it?

RiverTam · 28/07/2014 17:07

I think your DH did fine there.

Just leave it. The guy was being a drunken arse, that's all. No harm done.

BolshierAyraStark · 28/07/2014 17:07

I think what your DH did was sufficient tbh, it does sound like an over reaction on your part.

Staryyeyedsurprise · 28/07/2014 17:07

I get that it was distracting.

You DH did speak to him as he did it and afterwards. What else could he do? Have a punch up with him while you were driving? THAT would've been distracting.

I think your 4th paragraph of OP seems a bit of an overreaction.

Nicknacky · 28/07/2014 17:08

Are you a nervous driver already?

Numanoid · 28/07/2014 17:08

Have you ever said that to a drunk person? Given that I said his name loudly the first time, that didn't work.

I didn't know you'd said his name before, but what I suggested was just a general way of saying, asking him to stop might have been better.

It is to be expected that drunk people are going to be annoying, might have been better asking them to get a taxi. Sorry, but I don't think it's ever nice to start shouting and swearing at someone, then threatening to hit them. If DP did that I would be so embarrassed, and would apologise to the friend, not ask him to be the one apologising.

LineRunner · 28/07/2014 17:09

He said 'Hit me then'?

Why on earth would he say that? Were you toe to toe, or were you both still in the car?

Coconutty · 28/07/2014 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 17:10

Thats true.

There isn't any bad blood per se but he does have a history of being a bit of a twat sometimes and taking things too far. Not just with me, but DH says there has been plenty of times he's cringed at things he has done.

He had spent the night telling me i was boring because i wouldn't drink. Hello...I'm pregnant? We aren't supposed to get pissed!!!

OP posts:
PleaseJustShootMeNow · 28/07/2014 17:10

I also think shouting and swearing is out of order. In that situation I would have stopped the car first time and told him if it happened again he'd be taking Shanks's pony. Second time he'd have been out. You were driving, you were in charge.

Coconutty · 28/07/2014 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.