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AIBU?

Would you be this honest? Am I being sensitive

29 replies

PPaka · 28/07/2014 13:14

My child doesn't want to come to your house?

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 28/07/2014 13:15

What's the reason? But no, I would not say this.

MrsSquirrel · 28/07/2014 13:16

Really depends on the context. How old is the child?

Vitalstatistix · 28/07/2014 13:17

I think there could be circumstances where it is possible to get to the point where I would perhaps have no choice but to be that honest but not as a first reply, no.

CuppaSarah · 28/07/2014 13:20

If I said it, I would couple it with 'But DC has become a real homebird lately, he's like it with almost everyone' so they didn't feel it was personal. Kids are so often brutally honest and the truth will almost always come out. Maybe they're just preempting the fact their kid will just blurt it out to you anyway?

PPaka · 28/07/2014 13:20

Kids are 6

I completely understand that the child might be shy, uncomfortable, but somehow it just feels like a kick in the teeth
And ds will be so disappointed, feels like big rejection for him- I obviously won't be so blunt with him

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 28/07/2014 13:22

No, that's too honest, unless it's to deliberately provoke further discussion about the reason (maybe an "in" to pointing out an issue with your, I don't know, dogs, or with your open fireplace or whatever).

"My child doesn't really like going to other houses, sorry" is more than sufficient (if it must be said at all).

WipsGlitter · 28/07/2014 13:24

They must have said more than that though.

BookABooSue · 28/07/2014 13:24

I might say it if I was following up with, 'he's quite shy but he'd love to have a play date at the park' or some other alternative.

PPaka · 28/07/2014 13:25

No other reason, just that

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 28/07/2014 13:27

How did you respond? I might have thought "Sorry to hear that, is there anything I can do to make it possible?" would have drawn the reason out?

LiegeAndLief · 28/07/2014 13:28

I have been in this situation. I said he was going through a bit of a shy clingy stage and didn't want to go to anyone's house, so would the friend like to come to ours instead (ds wasn't that keen on this either, but compromised!). Definitely wouldn't have been so blunt.

SiennaBlake · 28/07/2014 13:30

Wouldn't you rather be told that then be fobbed off time and time again?

Vacillating · 28/07/2014 13:30

Could be worse I once overheard a mum non too subtly trying to find why her ds hadn't been invited to a party, she knew the mum from a toddler group. The other mum said, ' Well I didn't invite your ds because my dd doesn't like him at all.'

Afterwards I asked her whether she knew she was being so blunt, she had no idea, she was just replying honestly... She once said to me that I was a great mum, so it was surprising that my children didn't behave better! She wouldn't have meant an?thing other than exactly what she said, some people are blunt...

PPaka · 28/07/2014 13:32

It was by text
Tbf, I think it's maybe a language thing

I just said, ok, we're around the rest of the week to arrange something else

OP posts:
Vacillating · 28/07/2014 13:32

Oh and meant to say he might not really want to go anywhere, my ds will only go to the odd house though really likes some other kids.

PPaka · 28/07/2014 13:34

Sienna- I just think it's a bit blunt, that's all

I think if you say, ds is a bit nervous cos he hasnt been to your house before, that's a bit better

I think I am being over sensitive
It's understandable

OP posts:
MeeWhoo · 28/07/2014 13:36

I was about to ask whether the other parent had a first language other than English, I think that could very likely be all there is to the "bluntness".

SiennaBlake · 28/07/2014 13:40

But then we are into the fobbing off zone again with trying to be more gentle. If the ds isn't nervous, why would they say he is and cause more hassle with everyone trying to figure out how to make him less nervous when he isn't?

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 28/07/2014 13:41

Ah - you mention a language thing - it could have come across more rudely than meant (I conduct my life in a language I'm not fluent in, so prefer to do everything face to face for that reason).

My middle child hates going to other people's houses even if he adores the child and knows they have a lovely house full of toys - a couple of his friends mums are very accomodating amd go massively out of their way to make him comfortable (by inviting me in for the first half hour, by allowing screens and providing tempting sweets when they wouldn't normally etc) but most people don't have time for that - 90% of his "playdates" are at our house.

MrsSquirrel · 28/07/2014 13:51

OK, so there are two or possibly three factors

  1. it was a text, so not much (if any) context
  2. the person does not have fluent English
  3. the person is from another culture and does not have the British 'indirect' way of expressing themself

    In this circumstance, I would say it is a misunderstanding. The person probably have no idea you would interpret it as a kick in the teeth.

    Yes it's understandable and yes you are probably being oversensitive.
ThinkingJanuary · 28/07/2014 14:05

I think the best one I've been on the receiving end is:

It was a couple of years ago now.

Other parent complaining openly and loudly that they have to work and need to place her child somewhere. I mentioned in a friendly way that my DS would be at a loose end and we'd be happy to have her DS over for the day particularly as he had/has never had a play date this far with her DS. I was met with an immediate "nah. don't worry" Confused.

fuck off then and stop bitching about childcare

I never offered again and to this date they have never had a reciprocal play date.

Castlemilk · 28/07/2014 14:07

Ah no, I'd never say that!

Don't take it personally for sure.

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Staryyeyedsurprise · 28/07/2014 14:12

Yes, generally speaking it is a bit blunt. Although I'm sure if there was more to it, she would have said so you're probably right to chalk it down to a language thing.

I remember when DS1 was in reception - there was another kid who was an absolute terror - biting, name calling etc. None of the mums (or children!) wanted him round at their house and one of the mums did say something fairly blunt when asked if her DS would like to come round and play "no. BTW the bitemark hasn't healed yet".

backbystealth · 28/07/2014 14:18

Of course it's rude.

There are so many other possible replies that are clear but not offensive:

'Sorry no he doesn't really like playdates'

'Sorry we are doing XXX that day'

'Thanks so much but he can't'

NewtRipley · 28/07/2014 14:54

It's blunt, and that's the problem with texting. I'd take a lot more time to explain that particular statement if I was determined to do it by text.

BTW, I know children who don't like going to other houses but are fine at their own, but the parent concerned would explain that and I'd understand

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