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AIBU?

Leaving kids at birthday party

15 replies

BunnyPotter · 25/07/2014 10:08

DD's first birthday yesterday. Small party. Friend turned up with his two kids (5 and 7) and live in nanny/housekeeper (she does pretty much everything) saying he was leaving the kids with us, going to the shops for an hour (party was 2 hrs they arrived half an hour in - not a problem) and he was taking the nanny home so she could tidy up their place, then he'd be back when his wife arrived late (she was working late and told us in advance) to pick them up and go home.

Party was small, just three couples invited and no kids the age of his.

I thought he was joking at first and said, "Oh, so you're wanting to use us as a free babysitting service?!" in a jokey way, then realised that he was serious.

Backstory to avoid drip-feeding: we've never looked after their kids, although know them well and last year when we were in SERIOUS need - real emergency - and asked for help with my DS (then 1.5) this couple wouldn't help..and she is DS's godmother.

So, AIBU to think that he was being U? At the least, the nanny should have stayed to look after them if he couldn't?

OP posts:

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MrsWinnibago · 25/07/2014 10:14

Sounds like a misunderstanding. He'd assumed that the party would be bigger...more kids etc....many parents drop and run when their DC are as old as his are.

Maybe you needed to be clearer with your invitation.

KnackeredMuchly · 25/07/2014 10:14

Yanbu, but I guess he's used to parties for 4+ where people do leave their children unattended.

Still, after all you've said I'd strike them off my friends list sharpish.

BunnyPotter · 25/07/2014 10:16

We didn't say it was a "party" we said it was a "small celebration" with a few drinks. We're relatively new here too, so they know almost everybody we know - and are aware of that!

OP posts:

Guitargirl · 25/07/2014 10:24

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Our DCs are aged 7 and 5 and I only really stay at parties now if they are in a park or somewhere outside and am concerned about them getting lost. If they are in the person's house then I would definitely drop and run - as would almost every parent I know who is usually making the most of the child-free time to do stuff. It sounds a bit like a miscommunication, you said small celebration probably meaning adult company and drinks and they - in the mode of 7 and 5 year old parties - thought drop and run and manage the logistics of dropping off and picking up.

GodDamnBatman · 25/07/2014 10:25

They just dropped their kids off at a 1 year old's birthday party? It doesn't take much common sense to know that a 1 year old party is for the adults, not the children.

He didn't "misunderstand" he took advantage.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 25/07/2014 10:26

Miscommunication unfortunately. Drop and run is completely normal for children's birthday parties and unheard of for babies' first birthday parties. He just didn't engage brain.

Mim78 · 25/07/2014 10:27

Yanbu

No one drops and runs at a first b day which is primarily for the parents and their friends anyway.

He should at least have left the nanny, although presumably you were hoping for his company not that of the kids.

DoJo · 25/07/2014 10:38

I agree - a one year old's party is not a drop and run situation even if you do have older kids. Sounds like they were collaboratively taking the piss (or he's knocking off the nanny while you provide childcare!).

Topaz25 · 25/07/2014 10:39

I'd think it could have been a misunderstanding but with the back story that they wouldn't look after your kids when you were in serious need they sound like they are taking the piss.

MyPrettyToes · 25/07/2014 10:46

I can't stand people like this, I would calmly mention to them that it was not on and that they were cheeky gits.

I notice that the people who behave badly do so because people are afraid of pulling them up on bad behaviour. I was like this and I was then seen as a mug and cheeky gits would take advantage of me. It is liberating to not in that position any more.

Friendship should be reciprocal and one should never be left silently fuming constantly because of the actions of a friend. Your friends have behaved questionably twice now with you. Do you trust them? Perhaps you should relegate them to friends you have a good laugh with but who can never be relied upon.

Pointeshoes · 25/07/2014 10:47

Sounds like he's helping the nanny to 'clean the house' ... Sure.
I would say 'no I don't really want the responsibility of the children when it's my dd birthday Ta. '

LePetitPont · 25/07/2014 10:49

YANBU - had it been a birthday party for a 5 or 7 yr old it would make sense to leave them to it, but not at a 1 year olds. Surely obvious that is more for the parents' benefit than a child entertaining opportunity!

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 25/07/2014 12:18

I wouldn't stay at a party with my 5 yo, it was probably assumed that it was a child's tea party. I really don't get the point of a birthday for a 1 yo the, but each to their own. Just make your invitation clearer next time.

BunnyPotter · 25/07/2014 15:10

Thanks! We didn't send out invites, we phone the couples (our friends) and said we were having a small celebration for DDs birthday and invited them over "for drinks". Didn't actually invite the kids, just assumed they'd come.

Pretty sure he's not having a fling with the nanny, but lesson learned about being clear in the future!

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 25/07/2014 15:19

You were clear.

He took the piss.

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