To be upset that DH has started smoking again

[JCleRoux]

DH and I quit smoking about 10 years ago. We now have a three year old and apart from the odd cigarette once or twice a year on a boozy outing, he has never gone back to smoking. He works in sales and travels a lot. Returns home last night and announces with a ridiculous smile on his face that he's started smoking again, indefinitely. Says his life is so stressful, he's using it to help him cope .

AIBU to be totally pissed off by all of this? I know it's not about me but I can't help feel so angry I could spit! He says I'm being judgmental for someone who used to smoke...

I just dont know what to do and think about all this.

[WelshMaenad]

No, DH and I quit when we had DD. He restarted and I supported him in quitting, with lots of patches etc that we could ill afford. He then started again and his it from me and I hit the roof when I found out. He has quit again, I gave told him that if he restarts I will divorce him and I fucking mean it. I don't want to be married to a smoker, end of.

It's not judgemental, there are plenty of things I did a decade ago pre kids that it wouldn't be acceptable to do now.

[KnackeredMuchly]

Yanbu, if anything else I would want my DH to discuss starting a £30 a week hobby (or however much he smokes a week)

Although I do get it, I made a conscious decision to start smoking again due to life. I quit after a couple of months as I really felt thr negative effects the second time. Having quit already it made it easy to quit again.

[FrankSaysNo]

As an ex-smoker I understand the need for nicotine BUT the money! Nearly 8 quid a packet now. Just tell him to give me £20 notes and I'll set fire to them for him. Christ I was on 40 a day, thats £5,800 a year in todays money going up in the proverbial smoke

[JCleRoux]

I hadn't even thought about the financial implications of this rediscovered habit of his. As it is, we are battling to save for a house etc and really I should he should just man up and eat an carrot if he's that stressed.

I can't even talk to him I'm so livid.

[vanillavelvet]

YANBU. My DH and I also stopped smoking together - about 7 years ago. We now have 2 DC. I would not be happy if he started again.

[Chopchopbusybusy]

I would be furious too and I'm an ex smoker.
The smell, the breathlessness, the danger to his health and everyone around him. The cost!

[LastTango]

Stop ranting and raving and get him an Ecig.

[Fairylea]

I have to be honest .. One of the main reasons my second marriage went down the pan was because my dh started smoking again and refused to stop. I just hated everything about it - the smell, the money spent on it - etc. I just couldn't get past it and there was no way I wanted any intimacy from him - I had just had enough of it. He smoked when we first met but gave up because he knew I hated it and then 4 years later started and gave up again with champix (which worked for my mum's 40 year habit) and then 7 years later he started again and said that was that he was doing it. So amongst other things I had just had enough.

I don't blame you for being livid.

[Crinkle77]

He could have started smoking again a while ago and cos he works away has been able to get away with it. It sounds like he has decided he can't be bothered to hide anymore. Someone who I work with smokes and her family apparently have no idea but I am sure they must be able to smell it on her. I smoke myself but not heavily. Probably 5 a day at work and when I drink. I think work is a big trigger for me cos will smoke on my breaks then that's it for the rest of the day. I could probably give up but as soon as I say I am then I want them all the time. It's difficult in that if you nag him he will want to do it all the more. It's got to be something he really wants to do. If he is going to smoke you need to say not at home and not in front of the kids.

[Fairylea]

I also think he's been doing it for a while now. I think anyone who truly stops doesn't smoke the odd social cig. It's a slippery slope.

[JCleRoux]

Crinkle I don't want to start nagging him because I also think it will just make him do it more. He has promised not to do it in front of DS so that's at least something.

I also don't what this to be about bigger issues about trust etc and I guess should be grateful that he came and told me without me confronting him or anything like that. But I also really wish he would stop

Like you Fairy I hate the smell and everything about it.

LastTango I wish it were that simple!

[ApocalypseThen]

So he's going to smoke more to spite you? Why did you marry and have children with a rebellious teenager?

[JCleRoux]

Ha! I totally made him look like a rebellious teenager didn't I? Wow!

[LastTango]

LastTango I wish it were that simple!

But it IS, honestly. I gave up after 40 years with an ECig - if I can do it anybody can.