To be upset that someone I used to be VERY close with has failed to acknowledge my recent birthday?

[Earlybird]

I was a bit surprised when there was no phone call, email, text or call on the day but thought she probably was busy or it slipped her mind. But now that it is 5 days past, I am feeling agitated.

We are not nearly as close as we used to be, but I am miffed. We have always acknowledged birthdays in the past. We saw each other a few weeks back for lunch, and all was fine then.

Would you say anything, and if so, what?

[Anarchy99]

Tbh, I wouldn't say anything. You say you aren't as close as you used to be, she may be busy or be going through something at the moment.

And there isn't really a good way to mention it.

[Anarchy99]

Oh and happy (belated) birthday!

[NorwaySpruce]

Well if you are drifting apart, there's not much you can do. Do you want to rescue the friendship?

If you are both a bit 'meh', let it go.

[itiswhatitiswhatitis]

Well like you said you're not that close anymore. Maybe they genuinely forgot. I wouldn't say anything

[Coldfish]

Wow. If it were my husband, I'd be upset. Anyone else I would be surprised if they remembered.

[Bowlersarm]

She's probably forgotten.

[HaroldLloyd]

Woah, don't be miffed or let someone go on the basis of this!

She probably just forgot.

[DoItTooJulia]

I had this with a previously incredibly close friend. Weve not been close for a while and he didnt get in touch on my birthday, or my sons (a week apart, he is godfather to my son). His birthday has just been and I didn't get in touch with him.

In my mind, we are not actually friends any more.

The difference is, it doesn't bother me, but it sounds like it bothers you. Hope you get it sorted.

[Montegomongoose]

Oh dear.

I acknowledge and celebrate the birthdays of those to whom I am married, gave birth or who gave birth to me.

Sometimes god children but not always.

Anyone else, especially once they are over eighteen, I make the daft assumption that they have a robust sense of self-esteem and aren't going to stress.

Perhaps she simply forgot?

[Bowlersarm]

My sil, who I'm very close to, forgot my birthday this year, no card, no present, no text, no nothing. I don't care! It doesn't mean she doesn't care about me, she just didn't remember. Next year, I'm sure she will. I'm sure I've done this to nearest and dearest over the years.

Don't makes a drama if there isn't one, OP.

[Frontier]

Yes, Coldfish has it. I expect Dh and my parents to remember my birthday, for everyone else it's just a bonus if they do rather than upsetting if they don;t. I don't do much for others' birthdays either TBH.

[roundandround51]

To be honest, for me, making a big deal out of birthdays are for children. Unless you are having a party then I don't see why you should expect people to remember past the age of 21

[Yama]

Yes, YABU. Unless you are a child.

[Ninehoursahead]

My sister didn't acknowledge mine this year. Unbelievably hurtful. We had recently fallen out, but to not even send a text... :(
I suppose it depends on the relationship - if you have always acknowledged each other's birthday then it's understandable that you are upset, but it may just be that she's been busy and hasn't realised.

[Xmasbaby11]

Yabu. I don't think it's the norm for friends to remember your birthday once you're an adult - unless you see them often and mention it. I've come to that conclusion, anyway, as mine goes unnoticed these days. I don't understand it because I write birthdays in my diary and always manage to send cards, but I think I'm more organised than most.

[Earlybird]

Thanks for feedback and perspective.

This person is a cousin, who in the past has referred to me 'like the sister I never had'. We have always acknowledged birthdays with gifts and cards. Always. We usually spend Christmas, Easter and a few other holidays together (with extended family). We were very close. Things change, and I accept that - for instance, she remarried several months ago (third marriage, all dc grown) - but I am surprised that almost a week later I have heard nothing from her.

Fwiw, I don't expect my friends to remember my birthday. When they do, it is lovely, but many don't, and it honestly doesn't bother me.

[Frontier]

Have you tried getting in touch with her about something completely unrelated to your birthday?

TBH if I was really expecting to hear from someone and I hadn't a week later, I might be starting to worry about them, rather than being upset that they'd forgotten my birthday. Apologies if you know through others that she's fine.

[VenusDeWillendorf]

Earlybird, you must be a true cancerian! Me too.

Next year host a party, and invite everyone, it will jog their memories, and get your date in their diaries.

Hope you had a lovely day anyway.

[FayeKorgasm]

Something very similar happened to me this year too. To be fair this particular person has caused me a fair amount of sadness over the years so I just shrugged it off this time as I don't want to invest any more emotional energy into her. Sad, but that is how it is.

I hope you had a lovely birthday despite this.

[womaninthewildsofwales]

To be fair I've got to 4.55pm without DP remembering that it's my birthday today... He has asked 4 times why I'm in a mood...

[HopefulHamster]

Is it possible she's got something going on in her life that has led to her forgetting?

Or it has completely slipped her mind?

I have forgotten birthdays of family members before! (My poor SIL, I never remember her birthday in August - am trying this year)

[AnotherGirlsParadise]

My parents didn't acknowledge my 30th birthday last year after a falling out, and I was astonished by how much it hurt. Probably because we'd never had a falling out bad enough for them to not acknowledge a milestone (if you can call it that) birthday before. I felt silly, but undeniably wounded.

However, they're the only people who could hurt me in that way, apart from my fiance - I'd be rotten pissed off if he forgot, because apart from my kids, his is the only birthday I make a massive fuss of. Yes, your previously close cousin forgetting isn't nice, but just try to shrug it off and return the favour on her birthday!

[SallyMcgally]

womaninthewilds I hope your DP takes you out for a lovely meal. That's dreadful. Happy Birthday

[womaninthewildsofwales]

Sally- he's still blissfully unaware... I know he has a box of pressies in his 'man-cave' but it seems to have just passed him by

[HopefulHamster]

womaninthewilds - are you going to tell him? Please say you will, even if it's after midnight! And then he better make it up to you.