to ask on behalf of my DSis what parental rights her STBEx has?

[Sahkoora]

Little bit of background: my DSis and her STBEx separated after less than a year of being married, they have a DS who is now 4 who was born while they were married. Ex is on birth certificate.

Ex is awkward and a PITA, flatly refused to sign divorce papers, never paid CM etc. His mum, however, has provided free childcare for DSis at weekends so she can work.

Since they separated, DSis has met a new bloke, moved in and is now pregnant. They plan to marry once DSis can divorce without needing Ex's consent.

DSis is worried about new ways Ex can make things awkward for her. Her new DP is not happy that DSis still has ex's name etc as it is appearing on all the expected baby's paperwork etc.

She is worried that because she is still married to Ex, he will have some sort of responsibility towards the new baby, as he is the legal father if they are married, even though this is not biologically the case? I have not heard of this, so wanted to find out if it's true.

She's also worried about her DS having a different surname to the rest of the family once she married DP. Will this make it awkward for her to take him on holiday etc? If ex's permission is needed, he would definitely refuse.

Ex is really not interested in his DS, spends as little time with him as he can get away with, but he does love to make things awkward. Very unlikely that he would allow DP to adopt him.

Thanks, just looking to clarify exactly what rights Ex has here.

[MagratsHair]

Your dsis can go to the CSA about maintenance & they also advise about access as well re the 4 year old.

She can change her name via deed poll at any time or revert back to her maiden name if she likes.

The ex will not have any responsibility over the new baby at all, its nothing to do with him. Similarly he can't be expected to pay any maintenance or have any access to the second child.

I have a different surname to my children as I didn't wish to keep my married name, its not a problem day to day but if I wanted to take them out of the country I'm not sure what's required. Its worth noting that she can change the childrens' surname if she wishes.

Basically the ex has rights in respect of the 4 year old & nothing else, any subsequent marriage & children is nothing to do with him.

[mumaa]

My mother had a different surname to my brother and I as she reverted to her maiden name. No problem in taking us out of the country because, regardless of names on passports we were linked as parent and children. Your sister and her childrens passports will be linked when she applies for them.

[TurboWithAKick]

She would need his permission to take her ds out of jurisdiction

A solicitor can advise

He has PR so moving out of the area/schooling and medical stuff are all his business... If he wants to be involved that is

[Birdsgottafly]

""She is worried that because she is still married to Ex, he will have some sort of responsibility towards the new baby, as he is the legal father if they are married, even though this is not biologically the case""

As long as the bio Dad, her partner, puts his name on the Birth Certificate, there won't be any issues.

If her DP died, before the baby was registered, then your Sister would easily get PR over turned, for her ex.

In regards to contact, the ex's Mum is a significant part if the child's life and if cut out, could get contact awarded.

I assume that your Sis wants the best for her DS, so isn't looking to cut his Nan out?

[Sahkoora]

Thank you for replying. DSis has been to the CSA and Ex has ignored everything he's been sent, including court dates. So far, NOTHING has happened to him! He is self employed, so not sure if that is hampering things.

That's good to know about the new baby, I will reassure her on that score.

She is reluctant to change her name until she gets married because she is worried about what will happen if she has a different name to DS. She runs her own business too so she said it would be a pain to change her name on everything twice over in a short space of time, which I suppose I understand.

Interesting that you could say she can change DS's surname though. Can she do this without ex's permission? By deed poll, for instance, without having DP adopt him?

Read recently that Ex could object to DS's school placement if he wanted to too, I guess he doesn't know this as otherwise he probably would have.

[titchy]

The ex has PR for their child. She will need to seek his permission, or the courts permission, before she changes his name or takes him out of the country.

Go to the CSA. If ex is genuinely not interested, the fact that if the dp adopted him would mean he was no longer liable to pay maintenance might change his views.

New baby has nothing to do wth ex.

[Birdsgottafly]

Her having been married is irrelevant.

Her ex holds PR, so can challenge what would affect his contact, or contact with wider family.

It is the resident parents duty to facilitate contact with the non resident parent/family, if wanted.

A court will always grant a holiday, the non resident parent has to be reasonable.

The interests of the child, is the focus.

Once she is married to her DP, he becomes her DS's Step Father, a relationship recognised in law.

[Sahkoora]

Cross posted there. Ex's mum has been very nice and has a very good relationship with DS. Occasionally there have been issues when she has tried to get Ex involved in DS's life, but largely she abides by DSis's wishes. DSis doesn't want to cut her out of DS's life, and would be happy for Ex to have a role too, just an appropriate one. Ex has not really been interested in anything other that making things difficult.

[TurboWithAKick]

The CSA no longer takes new cases, there is a new child maintenence service but I believe they charge you to use them

She cannot change her ds surname unless her ex gives permission

[Birdsgottafly]

""Interesting that you could say she can change DS's surname though. Can she do this without ex's permission? By deed poll, for instance, without having DP adopt him?""

No she can't.

It is to soon to be considering adoption, anyway.

Has she cut his wider family out (Grandmother)?

It seems to be the new partner pushing for a name change?

That isn't a good sign, she has been married, he needs to get over that.

[Birdsgottafly]

OP, how is the ex making things difficult?

In hat way did the GM "try to get him involved in DS's life"?

[Sahkoora]

Yeah, I think it is becoming an issue for her DP, as it was DSis's married name that was on the scan photo etc of HIS baby!

I don't think he is particularly worried about changing my DNephew's name, that was more DSis feeling a bit sad that he would be the only one in the family with a different name, or that it would make things difficult with holidays etc. I'm sure it's not uncommon at all and it probably won't bother DNephew himself at all in years to come.

These fears are probably very common with blended families, worrying about bonding and treating two kids with different parents differently.

DNephew's wider family are very interested in him and he still goes there at weekends and will until he starts school in Sept. Then I think it will be EOW. DSis has no wish to cut anyone out, the lack of interest is only on Ex's part, though he probably thinks of himself as a marvellous father!

[Sahkoora]

Ex is making things difficult by refusing a divorce and not paying CM at all. He also phones her up to pick a row if he sees pictures of DNephew on Facebook with DP ... a lot of "That's MY SON!" outrage. Nothing abusive, just a general pain in the arse really.

GM was dropping DNephew off for nights at his dad's without DSis's knowledge or consent. At the time he was living somewhere and with people who were totally unsuitable in DSis's eyes. Lots of drinking, smoking and drugs. When DSis found out, GM apparently stopped this.

[Birdsgottafly]

It would be impossible to say how awkward the ex could get and it's not worth worrying what might happen.

She needs to just disengage from stupid arguments, if her relationship lasts, her DP will be a significant part of the DS's life.

The ex might try to build up contact and apply for shared care, but that will take effort and he may not bother.

I agree with your Sis that it isn't worth changing her name.

[Birdsgottafly]

Just to add, as soon as the baby is registered and him put on the BC, he will have PR.

[EarthWindFire]

Yes she can change her name, but she can't change the child's name without the fathers permission.

[EarthWindFire]

Its worth noting that she can change the childrens' surname if she wishes.

Not without the fathers permission she can't, unless she goes to court, where it isn't that easy to get.

[donkir]

My ex and I don't have great relationship he sees ds every other weekend and that's it. No other contact. He's not attended the last 3 parents eve and has cancelled taking him on holiday next week due to not having enough holiday to then go on honeymoon.
I tell him all dates coming up a year in advance holidays, school dates, scout trips so he has plenty of notice. He's not kicked up a fuss yet.
I have had to take ds birth cert with me when I went to Dominican and Turkey as he has a different name. The only time him having a different name became a problem was coming back from France. They wouldn't let us back in without a lengthy discussion and I'd forgotten birth cert.

[TheCraicDealer]

If I were her I’d be reverting back to my maiden name, adding DP’s surname on marriage. This would reduce impact on her business. New baby would be double barrelled with both names when registered and I would add my maiden name to the front of her DS’s present surname at school. Everything looks rosy in the garden at the moment with the new DP, but there’s every possibility she could be having another drama with names a few years down the line if things don’t work out. And I would be reluctant to have to obvious familial link with my older DS on marriage.

[FrankSaysNo]

A child has the right to it's own identity and it's fathers name IMHO. You can't just change it willy nilly because you're in a new relationship. If the child sees fit to do so, he/she can make their own choice at 16 to do so. If the new man hasnt legally adopted the child, again, morally wrong to give a child his name.

[TurboWithAKick]

Putting pics up on fb is inflaming the situation.... How long has she been with her new partner for?

[Sahkoora]

She's been with new partner for a year, and she's not friends with Ex on FB, someone is obviously telling him and winding him up about it. DP is part of her life, they live together and he contributes to DNephew's upbringing so I think keeping him out of photos at family situations would be very difficult, not to mention insulting to DP really.

I don't think DSis would be interested in double-barrelling, our maiden name is quite long and so would her married name be.

I'm sure as DNephew gets older the name won't be a problem. I think DP has kicked up a fuss after the scan and it won't matter sonce baby is born as it will be registered with his name and won't have any ties to Ex.

None of this is DSis's fault, hopefully he realises that. She has presented Ex with divorce papers a few times and he has always refused to sign.

I too am worried that she may be in the same situation in a few years, she is definitely someone who jumps headlong into new relationships and commits very quickly without getting a chance to know people.

But then there are many people who do this who it all works out for, so who am I to judge?

[TurboWithAKick]

Only a year

[Sahkoora]

Yup.