to think he should have offered to take the day off

[oxfordmumma1]

So I am due to have a colonoscopy tomorrow. Dh has known about it for weeks. I kept reminding him. So yesterday he said I will work from home if I have to but can't you get x to have dc. This person is not in the best of health as is registered disabled and sends her own dd to childcare in the summer. Of course she would also have to take me to and pick me up from hospital or I would have to get someone else to do this.
I pointed all this out and suggested that he won't get alot done working from home as he will also have to be responsible for our two year old following the procedure.
So he is now grumpy about having to take annual leave.
Yet two weeks ago he was happy to the same for his mum. He didn't in the end as she had a friend take her.
I know he is the main wage earner but surely a decent partner would readily agree to support his dw in this situation.
As it is I am sat at home with 3dc whilst I starve myself in prep for laxative tonight.
Aibu

[LIZS]

yanbu. Even if he just took/collected you and arranged the childcare while working from home(!) , it would be better than nothing. You should ebb ok afterwards though.

[rubyslippers]

YANBU

are you having sedation?

did you explicitly ask him to take the day off and now he has refused/made a fuss??

i have had similar procedures and you do feel rough after and need someone around

[oxfordmumma1]

Maybe I wasn't explicit enough initially about how much support I would need. I think he possibly though it was a quick in and out thing and not quite a major test.
I guess I just expected him to know this.

[oxfordmumma1]

I have told I will be having sedation but I may see if they will do it with just strong painkillers. At than I won't be out of a tion so long and can breastfeed sooner.

[rubyslippers]

i think you need to spell it out and if that doesn't stop the huffing from him i would be having words

it is invasive and not very nice - you have my sympathies

[rubyslippers]

take the sedation

how often are you feeding?

i have taken things like diazepam and been able to do so overnight and then feed DD in the morning so a 12 hour break

[oxfordmumma1]

I think I said I would need help on that day. Maybe should have categoricaly said I need you to take over completely.

[oxfordmumma1]

Toddler is a comfort feeder so probably could leave feeding until bedtime.

[Mostlyjustaluker]

Yy he should have offered but he did not so you need to tell him what you wants. He is a man not a mind reader.

I hope it goes ok and you get good news from the result. The prep stuff taste horrible so drink through a straw if can.

[oxfordmumma1]

Going to give him literature to read when he gets home tonight whilst I retire with my laxative to the bedroom with ensuite!

[oxfordmumma1]

I suppose I expected him to know as I already knew the process as my sister had one.

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

You don't have to have the sedation, I have had 3 with sedation, but my last one I had with just gas and air (entinox) and I personally found the last one to be more comfortable, and I felt less pressure. I also felt much better after that procedure than any of the others, for me the groggy feeling after was pretty bad - as the did sedation with Pethadine (both of which send me groggy).
I think if they offer gas and air instead of sedation you should give it a go.
I would say though with the gas and air just keep breathing on it till you drift off a bit. It works great.

However, I would suggest even without sedation you will need your partners help. You will need his help to entertain your child, you may be uncomfortable for a while after the procedure and looking after kids is no fun when you feel a bit off it.
YANBU at all. Explain that if you have the sedation you are not allowed to care for children in the first 24 hours, nor are you supposed to be left alone for the first 24 hours. That is because the sedative leaves you groggy and can make people feel a bit confused.

Good luck for tomorrow, please try not to worry the prep is worse than the test. xx

[frazmum]

You will also need his help tomorrow morning with your DC as you will be spending most of it in the bathroom. There is no way you will be able to drop DC off at a friends as you'll still be running to the bathroom with only a few seconds warning.

The others are right about the procedure, the prep is the worst bit.

Good luck

[oxfordmumma1]

Thank you. Will talk to nurse about options tomorrow.

[gobbin]

If they've said you'll be having sedation then take it. It means they can see more by going further round the bowel. Going round the corners can be very, very uncomfortable - I had a sigmoidoscopy a few months ago (which doesn't need sedation) and they got to the first big corner up under your left ribs before I said 'that's enough'. They didn't really need to go any further but if I could've tolerated more they would. In a colonoscopy they'll want to get fully around your colon and the bends hurt.

[OOAOML]

My DH had it a year or so ago. There were a lot of toilet trips during the prep - you shouldn't be having to look after the children on your own whilst you go through that. He ended up without sedation, but if he had the leaflet made it very clear that it would take a good time to recover from. And even without sedation, you are likely to be uncomfortable and weak. He needs to step up here.

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

gobbin - I have had a full colonoscopy with gas and air, no sedation. I felt almost nothing. It did not hurt at all.
With the sedation and pethadine I felt every single movement (I have had 3 done with sedation and pethadine) and it hurt a lot more with them than with just gas and air.
I was nervous about trying the gas and air, but a nurse said to give it a try as I hated feeling woosy afterwards.
I am so glad I did. I felt almost nothing, and it did not hurt going around the bends at all.
So OP please don't be scared to try the gas and air option. I found it so much better, and I will be having gas and air with my next colonoscopy next year.
(can you tell I have a lot of colonoscopies?!)

[oxfordmumma1]

Thank you for replies. It went well. I opted for sedation though.

[May09Bump]

I have had the same - FFS, if you are like me I hardly ask for anything and to ask for some support when you feel utmost vulnerable really means you need help. It is disrespectful and doesn't make you feel loved or valued at all. I am glad it went well! I think you need to tell him how you made you feel, I found that I ended up treating him like he treated me when he was ill - basically you get on with it, which is not healthy. Really have a talk and make him listen. It has damaged my relationship - he has done it twice.

[oxfordmumma1]

It got worse though. When he took day off on Friday he decided to get a blood test done. Fine, I expected him to take dc with him and get blood test before collecting me. But no, he picked me up 1st and than asked me if I wanted to take dc to car. Err no, I am recovering from sedation and shouldn't be left alone. So we all traipsed to blood test bit.
Guess wno was running around after dd?
Ok not much he could do whilst having blood test but before. I ended up asking dd aged 8 to go after her for me! So can't believe I said that.

[gobbin]

I'm glad it went well for you.

[gobbin]

and Littleprincess I feel EVERYTHING!
Recent bowel op went: Morphine? Check. Oralmorph? Check. Tramadol? Oh yes please! Paracetamol? Whatever you've got!