About to be homeless, life in ruins - please help!

[PanicStations2014]

Apologies for the over-dramatic title but it unfortunately describes my situation pretty accurately right now. I am posting here as it gets the most traffic (am I right?) and quite frankly, I need a kick up the arse! This will be long - sorry.

I am basically in a world of shit right now: I have been living with my (now ex) partner and in-laws since last Autumn, since we both got made redundant last summer and could no longer afford our rental property. I have only managed to find sporadic temp work since and exP was out of work for a staggering SEVEN months (unheard of for him), but has been in regular full-time work since February. It is still contracting though, so not 100% stable.

I have a DS of 12 from a prior relationship and a DD of 2 from current/exP, both living with us and both fantastic kids, truly. I am also almost 6 months pregnant, due to a spectacular contraceptive failure at the beginning of the year (no one quite knows when). We have all been sleeping/living in one average sized double room and sharing the kitchen and bathroom. Although in-laws have been very kind to welcome us and I am grateful for the roof over our heads, it has been a very difficult existence to be honest.

Upon discovering I was pregnant, ex-P tried to pressure me into getting an abortion. I was not thrilled with the timing of being pregnant myself but I just couldn't go through with it (I lost a baby 11 years ago at about 19 weeks - this may be why). Perhaps I was selfish not to terminate? I dare say so. As a result, ex-P split with me, saying he would "see and support the kid" but was fed up of all my disasters and was done with me. He has implied I got pregnant deliberately (not true)!!! So we have been living in the same house/ same ROOM since early April, as a separated couple. It has been a living hell.

Relationship with now exP has been quite frankly awful anyway since my pregnancy with our DD. He is very emotionally abusive and can be cruel. He has also been violent in the past but not for some time (I think his behaviour has improved now that DD is getting older). My DS is unaware of ex-P's behaviour, as he seems to hold it in for every-other-weekend when my DS stays over at his dad's. He does not yet know we have split. Hardly anyone knows! This is one saving grace.

Ex-P and his parents decided in June that they wanted me and the kids to approach the council to "get a council house" as they put it. They basically gave me a date to get out by (17th). I can't really blame them for not wanting to put up with this situation any longer, so I did. The council bargained for them to let me stay for 5 more weeks, on the proviso that I went out and searched for a private rental that accepts housing benefit (which they would then pay for, along with the deposit). I was relieved to hear that and set about looking high and low. I am not kidding when I tell you I have done over 800 miles in my car in just over a month!!! Every estate agent in a 50 mile radius must have my details and it hasn't been easy, being pregnant and trying to keep my toddler DD from getting fractious going in and out of these places. Most agents/landlords are not accepting DSS at all now, so a lot of these visits have been futile.

Never-the-less, I was offered just ONE property in all this time. It was slightly more than housing benefit were willing to pay (benefit cap) but my ex-P was willing to top up (so as to keep the kids nearby) and my dad agreed to be my guarantor. It was agreed in theory.

I found said property in the 1st of July. Myself and the estate agent kept in touch regularly and we continually phoned/emailed the council and in particular, the woman assigned to deal with my case every couple of days or so but she just continually outright ignored us both. It was only on the 17th of July, after I threatened to complain, that the council got back to the estate agent about letting me the property, by which point the landlady of the property had decided enough was enough and let the house out to a private renter. The day before. I am heartbroken - this was my only chance to get housed and they completely fucked it up for me - either by incompetence or corruption. I have kept a paper trail on the bastards though.

I have put in an official complaint, but the bottom line is that I have to be out of the house by Friday. (Was originally supposed to be today)! There is no one else that can take us in. The council have said I am to present myself to them on Friday at 2pm and they will put me in temporary emergency accommodation. But they warned me that this could be anywhere in the country and was unlikely to be nearby. Apparently the Midlands or up north is a possibility (I am currently in London). I have also been told that if I refuse the accommodation, that the council have no obligation to help me. Ever again.

I don't mean to be rude or ungrateful, but I cannot just up and leave my area! My son is at school locally and spends every-other-weekend with his dad and although his dad can't have him full time (he works mostly nights), we are amicable and I do not want to deprive them of a regular relationship with each other and I cannot afford to travel long distances if I'm up north. Despite my tense relationship with ex-P, I also do not think it's right that he should lose all access to his DD. I am under consultant care at my local hospital for blood issues during this pregnancy - what about that also?! This is the council's fuck up and now they've got me backed into a corner and are refusing to help me unless I pack up my life and do what they say! I have a life here and so do my kids - I don't mind moving a county or two out but 100's of miles away? No way! Why are they punishing us for their incompetence?! The outcome of my complaint won't even be heard until the 4th August, by which point I'll be gone! Here's the joke: it arrives in letter form! At what address?!?!?!

Please mumsnetters - what the hell do I do?!

[traviata]

call the shelter helpline

0808 800 4444
england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/how_we_can_help/housing_advice_helpline

[todayisnottheday]

I'm sure someone will have better advice than me but I'd say phone your m.p. and request an emergency appointment with them. If you are lucky and get in by Friday take everything you have on the situation and beg for their help. The l.a. shouldn't get away with their treatment of you but whether they can do anything to stop you being relocated I don't know.

Oh also ask your consultant if they could possibly fax a letter stating that it is in the interests of your health to remain local?

[TurboWithAKick]

You have to go where advised.... There are no places left!

[PanicStations2014]

Thanks for the replies. Have contacted both Shelter and MP - with MP, there is a two-week waiting list (although, I have heard he's very good once you get him). Shelter has said that unfortunately, the council are fulfilling their obligation to house me and so that legally, their arses are covered. They advised me to seek legal advice, but again this takes time and money (I have neither)!

I now wonder whether this is corruption rather than incompetence, IYSWIM? I wonder if they never expected me to actually find somewhere and were always unwilling to pay the full whack of housing benefit when they could just as easily shunt me into the back and beyond and pay half what they would have if I was nearby? So they just ignored me deliberately until the landlady (quite reasonably) got fed up. I have a horrible feeling that this is about funding and budget cuts, etc...

I am so screwed. How did I end up like this? I don't have a clue what I can do next - my poor kids!

[MairzyDoats]

There's no leeway at all with your in laws? Would they see your children out on the street?

[ScarlettDragon]

OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this and I have absolutely no advice. Have you tried gumtree? I found this which is £335 per week and accepts DSS. I have no clue about London and whereabouts you in relation to the above house. But try googling 3 bed accepts DSS your area. (Although you've probably already tried that).

[Smartiepants79]

Corruption how?
The trouble is you are one of hundreds if not thousands of people all the same predicament.
I have no real advice other than you take whatever accommodation they can offer you then continue to fight for proper housing.
If you don't then you really will be homeless and classed as intentionally homeless I believe. The council then have no obligations to you what so ever.
It is horrible but you may just have to take what you can get and start hunting for a better alternative.

[TurboWithAKick]

Can't your dad help if he was to be guarantor?

[nevereverpost]

Well so much for my resolve never ever to post: I cannot let this one go.

Panic you sound intelligent, articulate and thoughtful: sooner or later (and I do hope it's sooner) people will be fighting to have you on their team. Your life is in shit: true, but this is a temporary state. It is NOT in ruins. You have three fantastic DC, you are obviously intelligent and you have a will of iron. This cannot help but work out for the good.

Having said all of that, I do actually agree with *Smartiepants' (apart from the opening two words). Go along with whatever initially just to keep your copy book unblotted. Make an appointment with your MP. Have you tried CAB? CARRY ON FIGHTING. Your son is on holiday from school now: this gives you an extra six weeks' wriggle room. Could you get a letter from the hospital pleading continuity of care?

If I think of anything else I will come back. Absolutely everything crossed for you, but somehow I don't think you'll need it. xxx

[PanicStations2014]

I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and take what they give me. I feel so sick though - I did all the hard work, it should have been so easy for them - so simple! And it was all wasted - for nothing! I feel so bitter that I have been running my arse around, heavily pregnant with a toddler (and occasionally pre-teen) in tow, come rain or shine, spending money I haven't got on petrol and being rejected from nearly everywhere anywhere. I toiled for that place (and fair enough too) and they just couldn't be bothered (or deliberately refused) to keep up their end of the bargain. Me and my children are human beings and they are treating us with threats and contempt all because of their error! I am so angry and so, so scared. This is going to have massive ramifications all round.

My beautiful DS just finished his first year at Secondary School with a brilliant report. He achieved well even during one of the hardest, most frustrating year's of his life. He loves his school and has friends there. Am I supposed to just shove him elsewhere and wreck his happiness because of them? I haven't even got started on what this will do to him and his dad. Why should they suffer? Why is this happening to us? I know I should stop whining and get on with it but I am just so tired and broken at the whole thing. I feel hopeless.

Scarlett Dragon - thank you so much for the link. The place looks lovely, but is unfortunately too high in price. The housing benefit cap will only pay for around £950 in rent and ex-P cannot afford to top up past £200-300 extra. I have been told by the council to look just outside of London, which is what I have been doing...

[Namechangearoonie123]

According to that tv programme that was on Tower Hamlets were shipping folk out to Luton (which is only 40 minutes away) and Birmingham which is at least 2 hours away.

You need to accept the temporary accommodation and keep fighting, the family that were shipped out to High Wycombe kept on at the council because they had ties to the community and the children were in school there and they then got offered a property after a couple of months in Tower Hamlets

[PanicStations2014]

Nevereverpost - thank you so much for your kind words! You should alwaysalwayspost!!!

I will try the hospital to see if they can put something in writing for me. The CAB just keep referring me back to my oh-so helpful council! Aaaaargh!!! It's just such a shame that there is probably going to be a period of time where we are adrift...

I am pretty frightened that it will be out of sight, out of mind for the council and that I'll end up giving birth alone in a BnB God knows where!

The school holidays are a blessing in disguise though. I know the council are hugely busy and that lots of people are in trouble. But I hope my sense of entitlement is not too out of control when I say that for once in my bloody life, I feel that a homeless pregnant lady with two kids and who they have thoroughly let down should be moved to the top of the list! I'm not asking for the moon on a stick and I'm not asking for a fancy new build council house. I don't mind slumming it for a while in a hostel but my God, I do mind being moved potentially 100's of miles away so they can carry on pretending I don't exist. I did all the bloody work for them - one or two simple phone calls or emails could have got me and my kids out of their hair forever! I'm just baffled!!!

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

Sounds terrible, op. My sympathies.

i agree you have to just go along with whatever they come up with and keep fighting. Would your son be able to spend more time with his dad while this is going on.

definitely gets cheaper the further out of London you go- are you just looking for London suburbs or commuter belt? If you work out where the train lines run you could live further away distance wise, but still be within a half hour train journey.

what council are you under?

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Not much help I know but it may perhaps be worth just presenting as homeless to the council.

It's not definitely the case that you will be moved very far away. Don't go in all guns blazing but explain the facts, your dc's and your ds schooling and father being nearby, your ongoing hospital treatment. And hopefully the council will do whatever they can to accommodate you locally.

If they can't/won't, then you are going to go through a massive upheaval. But, the result at the end of it will be that you will have a secure tenancy for yourself and your children.

Even if you found a private rental it's possible the landlord could sell from under you anytime your contract is up and you'd have to move again.

Imagine one year from now you could be in your own place with your 3 dc and have your own space, your ds have his own room. I think you've just got to face this head on and support your dc's through it as best you can.

[Tryharder]

I understand that you are frustrated and I agree that you have been treated badly by the council.

But what irritates me about all this is that when relationships break up, men are seemingly able to wash their hands of their obligations to their DCs.

On essence, why should council tax payers be yet again obliged to pick up the pieces whilst your DH walks away.

[Pyjamaramadrama]

It's what often happens Tryharder. And unfortunately now it is even harder to access the CSA.

But you have to face up to what you are dealing with in the here and now and make the best of a bad situation.

A secure roof over your head is a basic necessity.

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

Like pyjama says, thebest secure long term outcome for you is to get a council house, so you do need to stick with it, and keep them onside. I wouldn't be accusing them of corruption, but maybe incompetence, but try your hardest to do so in a polite and professional manner, otherwise you could rub them up the wrong way and not get what you need.

[TurboWithAKick]

Don't ever mention that your rent will be topped up by your ex. This could go against a benefit claim. He can pay 'maintenence'

Your sons school. It isn't a consideration for location unless it's in his gcse years unfortunately. I looked into that when we moved. Same with medical care, they will simply say 'it's transferable' which, if we are honest, it is.

[gamerchick]

I do think you may be out of options atm.. from what I've observed London is full. Take the temp accommodation and keep fighting.

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

Although i realise you are angry and probably just venting, i very much doubt there is anything in your corruption conspiracy theory, btw. Much more likely they are busy at this time of year, staff are on holiday, and it was a simple mistake that, sadly, has cost you dearly.

[shouldbeelsewhere]

Your local CAB will be stuck a bit with what the council say they can/will do. BUT as a CAB adviser we have contacts and sometimes when going through your standard person at the council isn't working out we can (if circumstances are severe/urgent enough) go to our contact who is higher up and try and negotiate/plead your case a bit. It doesn't always work but it can be worth a try. So maybe go back if you can face it.

[FourAndDone]

Op forgive me, I don't know areas around London at all! But would this be any good?

m.gumtree.com/p/3-bedrooms-rent/plumstead-se18.-well-presented-and-spacious-3-bed-house-on-quiet-street.-unfurn-garden-nr-buses./1021469232

[FourAndDone]

Or this m.gumtree.com/p/3-bedrooms-rent/stunning-3-bed-house-allocated-parking-avaliable-today-call-now-07966648384/1072805722

[EarthWindFire]

As others have said what about your dad can he not take you in for a bit?

Does your first DS dad pay any maintenance?would he be willing to top it up a bit to keep a roof over his dons head or have him stay with him for a bit ( it us the school hols)

Yes London and the surrounding areas are 'full' but tbh so is Birmingham (which is after all the second city) however you may have to take what they give you for now and then fight to get elsewhere.

Are you getting all if the benefits that you can?

Depending on what your current soon to be ex partner earns if he is topping it up by £300 per month then this could very well be above what he would have to pay CSA wise.

[SweetSummerSweetPea]

tell MP its urgent you are about to be made homeless and its councils fault.