Is this rude over confidence or aibu... I hope I'm not

[Superchop]

Genuine question when you have your son or daughter's friends over do they help themselves to things out of the fridge, cupboard or biscuit tin?

Had a 9y o do this today, first time he came at

[Superchop]

*here

[susiedaisy]

No they don't. At nine years old it's probably a lack of boundaries.
In fact I don't think I've ever helped myself to food in anyone's house other than my own. Even as a child at home I had to ask my mum if I was allowed something.

[SirChenjin]

No - none of the 3 DCs friends have ever just helped themselves. It's just not the British Way, is it?!

[JacksLady]

My DD2`s friends do, but only after a long time of coming round & me keep telling them to help themselves
They all say thank you every now & again too, which I find nice
If its the first visit though, I would find that very rude

[Shallishanti]

Rude!
But possibly he does that at home? and so thinks it's normal?

[Anonynonny]

Rude.

[hoobypickypicky]

No they bloody don't! And they wouldn't be invited back if they did!

Rude, rude, rude!

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

No, never.

I'd be a bit , ask first.

[purpleroses]

No, the visitors don't.

My DSD takes food herself to give to her friends - but they are 17, so it's a bit different, as they may well be here when there isn't an adult around to ask. We try and have rules about what she is and isn't allowed to help herself to so they don't eat things we'd been counting on for a meal.

I'd assume your DC's 9 year old friend comes from a house where people do just help themselves to food - possibly because that's the only way they get it.

[FrankSaysNo]

No. At 9yo that is inappropriate unless of course he is known to outside agencies and is quite literally starving.


I do have a 19yo friend of DC who does walk in and fridge/fruit bowl scavenge without asking because he is starving in reality.

[crazykat]

That's just rude. Its different if you've told them to help themselves but just getting something the first time they've been is not on. If it were my DCs friend they wouldn't be invited back in a hurry.

[Wadingthroughsoup]

I'd be a bit

My own kids (8 and 6) don't help themselves to food- they always ask first, so I wouldn't expect visiting children to.

[SirChenjin]

At 9yo that is inappropriate unless of course he is known to outside agencies and is quite literally starving

That's a fair point actually - I'm being glib with my British Way, but is he OK?

[hollyisalovelyname]

No way- I'd call them out on it.
Mind you a friend of dh's opened all our cupboards and looked in then closed the door when he visited our new house. We think he's a bit strange. Strange and nosy

[purpleroses]

It's a bit sad that people say their first instinct would be to not invite the child back :( At 9 years old the child probably hasn't any idea its rude - they're almost certainly doing what they do at home which will seem quite normal to them.

I'd explain gently to both the visitor and your own DC (who presumably saw/allowed this to happen) that they should ask you before helping themselves in future. I might also ask one or two gentle questions about the child's home life to see if it does seem there's bigger problems there - are they really hungry? Though quite possibly just a rather chaotic parenting, and possibly older siblings who help themselves to food.

[ThatWasNice]

I have had this with visiting kids, I find it shocking. My own kids didnt help the self to food without asking util they were mid teens.

I just tell the rude kid not to do. It was never a big problem. I always made visiting kids help tidy up too.

[MollySolverson]

Would the first instinct really be to assume the child is being neglected? Wouldn't possibly occur to anyone that the child's parents don't make it beg for food, that its allowed to eat food in its own house and that it, at 9, thinks everyone does that?

[purpleroses]

I think that's the most likely option Molly but still a bit rough just not to invite them round again - why not help them learn that many people don't expect children to help themselves to food like that.

[Hakluyt]

Depends. Both of mine have a couple of friends that do- but only because I sort of regard them as extra children, so they do what mine do.

But an occasional visitor, then no.

[Hakluyt]

But then I hate the thought of children having to ask in their own homes, but most people on here think that's perfectly normal. So what do I know?

[OneDreamOnly]

Rude.
Just as I would find it rude if it was an adult or a teenager. Heck even my own parents (and PIL) wouldn't do that either!

[SirChenjin]

No - it wouldn't be my first instinct Molly, which is why I posted about the British Way, and I suspect that it isn't other peoples first instincts. It's something to bear in mind though, isn't it?

[Ilovenicesoap]

No
Very rude .
I offer food/drinks to guests as do the DC, I do not tolerate anyone rummaging through my fridge or cupboards.

[Frogisatwat]

My children have to ask. I would go ape if they helped themselves!! So I would be really pissed off if a friend of theirs started rooting throughy cupboards!! Tsk.