To ban ds from his xbox on his birthday?

[breadhead]

It's his 11th birthday today. We've been saying the last week he can only play on Fifa on the xbox if there are no behaviour issues the previous day. Yesterday he called his brother a 'fucking wimp' and opened a present of chocolates under our bed without asking which were for him but he didn't know that (dont care too much about this one but he still shouldn't have done it)

He looooves fifa and hasn't been on it a for a few day due to other behaviour, but i feel mi should stick to my guns irrespective of the fact it's his birthday.

Both children say i am being too 'harsh'.

Am i ?

[WeirdCatLady]

I don't think you are being harsh. Swearing like that and stealing should indeed have consequences. I'm sure there are other nice things he could spend his time doing, not playing FIFA on his Xbox won't kill him.

[breadhead]

He is also getting a little money to spend on Fifa points for his birthday and was so looking forward to playing it for an hour or so.

[lanbro]

You gave a warning and you have to follow through with the consequences irrespective of it being his birthday, otherwise you are basically saying he can do as he pleases. Harsh but fair imo!

[breadhead]

Yes, i am thinking you're right wierdcat, am just too concerned about being mean on his birthday.

[CheeryName]

Normally I'd stick to the ban but it's hard because you want a birthday to be happy for all the family.

I'd prob give him a chance to earn some time and redeem himself because it's his birthday.

Ie he has to behave plus do some chores and write a letter of apology re yesterday.

[GretchenWiener]

He sounds vile. I agree

[BabeRuthless]

I make ds earn Minecraft back if he's been banned for bad behaviour. That way it's not always about the negative and hopefully I'm drumming home some positive reinforcement. Hopefully.

[WaitMonkey]

I was going to say harsh, until I read what he said. Stick to your guns. Terrible thing to say. for you though. Parenting is tough.

[CoffeeTea103]

He has a vile mouth, you should definitely follow through. That language is not acceptable at all. At 11 years old it's disgusting op.

[breadhead]

Yes, i feel happy about sticking to what i said. Also, a letter of apology is a good idea to both his brother and me, plus earning it back.

Gretchen, that's a horrible thing to say about a child. He's not at all vile. He is a lovely, kind caring boy most of the time. Just always been very impulsive and will have his just punishment. End of.

[VerucaInTheNutRoom]

I would say that if he can behave well today then he can earn back an hour of Xbox time after dinner.

[wonderingsoul]

Calling an 11 year vile for swearing is just stupied.

He's not vile, he just chose the wrong words to say, but I imagine your children are angels and have not muttered a single swear word or called another child something mean?

I would stick with the ban, or at the very least get him to earn it back.

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

Your DS doesn't sound vile, OP - just a fairly normal 11 year old. Most of the 11 year olds I've met and have known go through a stage like that, especially where siblings are involved.

[tiggerkid]

The warning has been given. I'd stick to my guns now. Otherwise the message you send will be: you can do whatever you want, I will threaten but eventually you will get away with it anyway.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I would say it is harsh, in my heart I'm thinking awww it's his birthday allow him to play the computer.

In my head I know it's the right thing to dm do to follow through.

[MushroomSoup]

Headteacher here. Follow through, every time.
(My poor DCs!!)

[WeBelieveInLove]

Take Gretchen's Xbox away instead for being a meanie!

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

I agree ^^

I'm generally all for following through, but DCs put great store into birthdays being special.

If he's nice most if the day, an hours FIFA would be fine.

DD2 is a great SIMs addict, using points in her actual birthday, would be important to her.

And yes we do have a "no swearing at people, rule here too" last person who had to say sorry was me

[Nanny0gg]

Clearly the threat doesn't work as it's been banned for some days prior to his birthday.

I think having any punishment on birthdays or Christmas days would be harsh but you've said it now.

I think you'll find the resentment felt may backfire on you.

You need to find something that works (and what the problem is)

[HeirApparent]

Follow through every time, that's why the punishments have to be proportionate, which this is. He was warned. Language like that will only get worse if not dealt with.
Also next time you warn him you can add the line "And I mean it. Remember when you missed out and I didn't back down even though it was your birthday!" He will know you can't be wheedled round.

[itiswhatitiswhatitis]

I think you should always follow through with punishments. It's hard because it's his birthday if I was feeling generous I would offer to "suspend" the ban today and carry out the consequence tomorrow but not allow him to buy any FIFA points until the ban has been completed.

[steppemum]

I just had to come on and say that he isn't vile or have a vile mouth or disgusting.

he is just a normal 11 year old.

Unfortunately, you do need to follow through.
I would be tempted to say that because it is his birthday, he can earn it back, but it must be a good earn back.

If it is any consolation, my 11 year old is very volatile at the moment, it is the emotion of the end of term, and moving up.

[CurlyBlueberry]

Perhaps I have read this wrong but he swore at his brother, yet his brother also feels you are being too harsh? Since the brother is the one who was 'wronged' and appears to have forgiven him, then perhaps I would allow an hour of xbox if he has been otherwise good all day.

[MostWicked]

Yes you always have to follow through, but I do think that losing a whole day of x-box, for saying 1 word, is harsh, and harsh punishments are not more effective. I am not a fan of earning things back, because it devalues the "crime". They can do anything they want, consequences don't mean as much when things can so easily be earned back.

He is still a child so has poor impulse control. If he swears, he could lose x-box time, but not all of it, maybe and hour, maybe half a day. If he finds it really hard to "behave" for a full day, then he will always fail and it will get to the point when there is no point in even trying.