to think that my dp shouldn't say negative things about me breastfeeding our toddler when we are with other people?

[ikeaismylocal]

Ds is 19 months and we stopped breastfeeding about a month ago, I'm pregnant and I was struggling with the feeling of feeding him, I intended to feed him until he was at least 2 ( dp was in agreement that it would be good to bf until 2 if possible).

A friend recently had a baby and ds has seen the baby breastfeeding, this has prompted ds to start talking about breastfeeding and when we were in the bath a couple of days ago he latched on, I was surprised as I assumed he would have forgotten. My colostrum has now come in and feeding ds was much less uncomfortable for me, ds has breastfed a few times since then.

It came up in conversation yesterday that ds still breastfed, a family member asked directly ( we were talking about food and how much our dc ate) the family member was really quite rude "he doesn't need it" "what about the new baby" dp joined inwwith the family member, I felt really let down by him, I'm open to having this conversation with him just tge two of us but not involving other people who have no experience of breastfeeding whilst pregnant or breastfeeding an older child or breastfeeding a toddler and newborn.

I have done some reading around tandom feeding and feeding in pregnancy, I have friends who have fed two different aged children. I know there can be challenges but I also believe there can be advantages.

Aibu to think that dp shouldn't gang up with other people and if he wants to have a discussion about breastfeeding with me he should try to read some personal accounts of how it can work feeding 2?

[AllHailTheBigPurpleOne]

Yanbu.
They are your tits and you can let whoever you want suck them. And ya boo sucks to anyone else.

[ForTheLoveOfSocks]

I would counter their argument with 'would you still feel the same if it was a bottle? Well a bottle is a boob replacement after all'

[lettertoherms]

YANBU. He shouldn't say negative things about you breastfeeding, full stop. Whether others are around or not.

[Lovelydiscusfish]

He was out of order. I guess, if he had concerns (not sure what these could legitimately be, but still) he is reasonable to raise them with you, but not in front of others, and certainly not in a hostile and critical manner. And ultimately, it is your and your ds's choice when to stop bf.

[Booboostoo]

YANBU. If your DP has concerns about any aspect of your parenting choices he should raise them with you in private. As for the particular issue it is perfectly possible to feed while pregnant and tandem feed and it benefits both DCs to feed together as much as it benefits each one - getting DP to understand this may be a different kettle of fish altogether though. If you find a way to get through to him let me know and I can try it on my DP!

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

yanbu your DP is completely out of order joining in negative talk about you and your DC in front of you whatever the context. If it were me I'd have let rip at the time (probably something along the lines of "it's my body and both I and my child are happy with our choices" and repeat until the message got through or they shut up) - I would certainly be taking him to one side and asking what the hell he was playing at and that if he could not be supportive he just keep quiet, it's not fair for you to have to try and justify yourself in this situation especially as you thought he was 'on your side'

I wonder if maybe he just thought you were done and it took him by surprise when your DC started up again..still no excuse for behaving so appallingly.

I BF through my pregnancy and for a year afterwards. I responded to comments such as "how will there be enough milk for the baby?" with "I've got two breasts!" - I had plenty and if you feed both so will you - but do prepare for your toddler to go a bit mad for it when your milk comes in; DS got really chubby and was asking for it constantly, but that's the only part I found hard to be honest, often they didn't even feed at the same time but when they did they held hands, it was the cutest thing ever and I'm sure it helped with their bond. I'm now pregnant again and still feeding DD, I hope to tandem feed again

whatever you decide to do its nobody's business but yours and your DC's but I have to say I'm disappointed in the lack of support and knowledge from your DP, time to arm yourself with some printed information and have a serious chat I think!

[Idontseeanyicegiants]

YANBU at all. The only response I would be able to summon would be 'naff off' with a sweet smile on my face..

[ikeaismylocal]

I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable, we have spoken a little and I have said that I think it's important that we talk about this but I expect him to actively look for information and stories about tandom breastfeeding rather than just listening to people who know nothing about it and then agree with them.

His main concern is that our mostly gentle and caring ds is going to become aggressive and physically hurt the newborn, I don't think breastfeeding both of then will make that more likely to happen, if anything I hope ds will feel more included if he also breastfeeds.

The hand holding sounds so very sweet!

[LastTango]

Your DP obviously doesn't like it - and he is entitled to his opinion, as you are yours. I personally cant think of anything worse than having 2 latched on at the same time - but that's my opinion.