Help please.
I've been with my husband for about 5 years and married to him for 1.5 and I am ready to send divorce papers to him. We have a son who is 4 months old, so before I press send I want to know if there's anything more I can do before I accept that this is over and there's nothing more i can do. This is mainly in the interests of my son; I do not want him growing up in this heated, awful environment.
My husband's personality changes when he gets drunk. He gets annoying, very very defensive and touchy and will not listen to whatever anyone tells him. He becomes very immature and aggressive, sometimes in public and its embarrassing. The behaviour runs in the family, with his older brother and sister resorting to loud, brash (and often chavvy!) behaviour when they are drunk. He doesn't have an 'off' button. He will come home with a six pack and promptly get through these and more (up to around 12 beers if he keeps going) in one sitting, one after another. Despite it making me very unhappy, he says I am controlling him and don't allow him to have any fun. He gets drunk every weekend, both Friday and Saturday and begrudgingly promised not to drink during the week. (He will have a few beers though, without fail - he just might not get plastered.) My worry is he will pick up our child when he is steaming drunk despite my asking him not to. He insists he is sober, always when he is drunk, and will argue with everything I say or suggest. It's really worn me down over the years, to the point where I don't like to go out with him at all and I hate being near him when he's had a few drinks. He makes inappropriate comments and expects me to find things as witty and as funny as he does - it's just got so old, I'm so tired.
He won't do this every night, but perhaps once or twice a week. He can't sit still or stay in the house, so when I've been out a few hours you can see he is desperate to leave to go out and see friends and have a 'few beers.'
His brother was a heroin addict (now fully recovered), and while I was pregnant I found coke in the house. His father and mother also like a good drink and will happily down a bottle or two of wine at lunch everyday. Despite my pleas to try and cut down or curb this, even for our son's sake - more so even than our marriage! - he won't and it's very offputting and scary.
He's come home before and vomited everywhere. This happens maybe once every three months. He has a reputation.
Will he ever change or am I kidding myself? I've got him to stop smoking marijuana in the week (he still does though - he sneaks over to his mates and smokes there), and asked him not to smoke when he knows he will be playing with or picking up our baby. He boils this down to my nagging and controlling him and that I never let him have any fun.
We argue all the time regardless. I've forgotten why I even married him. When I peel back the layers of resentment, hatred and all this stuff that's built up - it was because he has a big heart. He begs for forgiveness and manages to stay on the straight and narrow for maybe three weeks to a month max. Then he will go and undo it by having a massive night out. It's almost like he just can't grow up and he wants his 'old' life still (the one without our son.)
I don't have any family here (I'm foreign), and battle with his for the same reasons. Now that we have a son I have to consider him. I am so unhappy and not sure how to end this awful cycle or make him see the light.
Divorce just seems inevitable.
Any advice on how to proceed with divorce, what I need to consider, and what I'd need to do for child maintenance for my son please let me know - I have nowhere to start. I also can't lean on anybody for this, as it will only worry my family sick who live more than 10 000 miles away, although I imagine my mother suspects all is not right. Do I stay here or go back to my home country?
I want the best for my son - so I want to ensure that if he wants to see his father, he can. (When he is sober!).
I am weary of telling any friends, as I fear I will be judged.
Any advice would be great.
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Alcohol/drugs and husband's inability to grow up ruining my marriage
26 replies
Unhappy80 · 21/07/2014 15:42
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