i dont want him to have photos of my child on his phone

(23 Posts)
missabbey11 Mon 16-Jun-14 14:35:32

i've recently just got the courage to confront my mother in laws boyfriend about having videos of my child on his phone and when i asked him to delete them he said no basically and that lead to a heated argument with him saying 'im not a peado' which i thaught was a worrying thing for him to say and he also said why does it matter ive sent them to other family members which means it shouldnt be a big deal if he doesnt have them but hes claiming hes doing it for the my child and boyfriend? Ive never liked him and have always said hes not allowed around my child and i feel like theres something extremely creepy about him but some people think im being unreasonable and just making an issue out of it? what do you think and is there anyway i can force him to remove the videos?

AnyoneForTennis Mon 16-Jun-14 14:41:04

What does your DP/DH think?

No, you can't force him to delete them.

tripecity Mon 16-Jun-14 14:43:51

you cant force him to delete pics/video but you can avoid him at every opportunity. Trust your instincts

fluffyraggies Mon 16-Jun-14 14:45:00

Is the child your DH/DPs child? ie: your MILs actual Grandchild?

What does your DP say? What does you MIL say?

Have you anyone to back you up?

splendide Mon 16-Jun-14 14:50:17

How did he get the pictures if he isn't allowed around your child?

SarcyMare Mon 16-Jun-14 14:51:14

" with him saying 'im not a peado' which i thaught was a worrying thing for him to say"

it sounds like a totally normal response to your comment, it is exactly what i think you are accusing him of being.

Youdontneedacriminallawyer Mon 16-Jun-14 14:53:18

What's the issue? He can take photos of the child, or he can look at him/her IRL. No difference.

We don't have a copywright on our own image, anyone can take a photo of us, with or without our knowledge.

Youdontneedacriminallawyer Mon 16-Jun-14 14:53:40

*copyright. Doh!

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 16-Jun-14 14:57:54

What harm could possibly come to your child as a result of him having videos of your child on his phone? I assume she's fully dressed in these videos?

YAB a bit hysterical. Is there more to this?

Floggingmolly Mon 16-Jun-14 15:00:09

Where's he getting the photos from if he's "not allowed round your child"? confused

DaisyBug1212 Mon 16-Jun-14 16:51:46

If someone, especially a non relation, had photos/videos of my child on their phone and refused to delete them on my request i would be questioning why that person was so intent on keeping them that they wouldn't just delete them - offended or not by your request!

I would tell everyone that you do allow to have photos/videos of your child not to pass them on to him and if you dont want him around your kids dont let him round them.

Trust your instincts, you are their mum.

good luck

Fideliney Mon 16-Jun-14 16:56:30

The 'i'm not a paedo' remark is a bit of a red herring. I can see how he would infer that meaning from your demands to delete the photos, so it is not a worrying remark in itself.

How did he get the photos?

SaucyJack Mon 16-Jun-14 16:58:29

If he was respectful, well-intentioned man then he would've gladly deleted the photos as soon as you (the child's mother) had asked IMO.

Whether he's a perv or "just" an arsehole I cannot say, but follow your gut instinct on this one. He sounds best avoided.

AnyFucker Mon 16-Jun-14 17:00:37

You need to stop sharing videos of your child with anyone then. It's quite simple really. Once they are out there, anyone (even real "peedos") can get their mucky paws on them.

Fideliney Mon 16-Jun-14 17:02:42

Oh these have been forwarded? He hasn't taken them himself?

Does he see your DC with your mum there? Or not at all?

Babycham1979 Tue 17-Jun-14 13:03:43

YABVU. 'Instinct' is a code for making outrageous assumptions you just happen not to like. You're bandying around one of the worst possible accusations without any evidence whatsoever. He may well be an arsehole, but his 'im not a peado' reaction is perfectly understandable.

And anyway, what is 'a paedo' actually going to do with vidoes of your kids? And why does it even matter? If they're that intent on seeing innocent videos of children, they've got Cbeebies to watch all day, or they could just wander around any local park on a sunny day!

Frusso Tue 17-Jun-14 13:33:39

This possibly comes under Sarah's Law. But how you'd go about doing the check I'm not sure.

He also sounds like a dick.

Nomama Tue 17-Jun-14 15:18:25

I am sorry but it sounds as though you have never liked him and he is very aware of it.

His comment wasn't indicative of him being guilty, just pissed of with you for treating him oddly. He is right, if you have sent them round the family then you have 'published' them to a certain extent and, as a member of your extended family there is no reason why he shouldn't like to have them, same as you DFs, DBs etc etc.

He may have been a bit of a pratt, but, just from your OP, it sounds as though you have taken against him for reasons of your own and he is annoyed - as he has every right to be. You need to have a rethink. OK, you don't like him. But to treat him as though he is guilty of a crime because you don't like him is untenable. If you speak your worst judgement out loud he would be within his rights to sue you - and he would win.

Nerf Tue 17-Jun-14 15:29:49

Also , you would start am absolute gossip fest of you started asking people not to send them on to 'uncle mike' or whatever.
Honestly, I doubt many people are that interested in the videos of your child, does it matter of he sees them?

Nerf Tue 17-Jun-14 15:51:06

Also , you would start am absolute gossip fest of you started asking people not to send them on to 'uncle mike' or whatever.
Honestly, I doubt many people are that interested in the videos of your child, does it matter of he sees them?

PrincessBabyCat Tue 17-Jun-14 16:01:32

I wouldn't worry about the pictures so much as letting him around your child if you're really concerned. Don't leave your child alone with him to protect his feelings, trust your gut. You can never be too careful. But, at the same time, don't make a drama or a witch hunt out of it either. You can tactfully schedule days for DC to visit MIL while you're there or make an outing where everyone goes. Just because he makes you uncomfortable doesn't mean he's actually a bad guy. He could just not get along with your personality type.

TurtleyAmazing Tue 17-Jun-14 16:29:42

He is in a relationship with your MIL if they are getting serious then of course he is going to want to be involved with her family. Personally I wouldn't mind if he was to have pictures of my children, I wouldn't like him to send them to other people though.

However you asked them to delete them and he didn't. No matter what the reason is, if a parent asked me to delete a photo I had of their child then I would. it wouldn't matter whether that child was my niece or godchild.

I don't think it is was weird of him for mentioning he was not a paedophile. he obviously thought that was what you was getting at.

I don't really know if YABU or not, you don't really explain why you don't like this man.

CanaryYellow Tue 17-Jun-14 16:36:43

It's very clear from your OP what you are implying, and I imagine that in the midst of the "heated argument" your implication came across loud and clear to this man - hence the "I'm not a paedo" comment.

They're videos that you've sent out to a number of people.

Seeing as you won't allow him to be around your child, stop sending videos out to all and sundry and it's unlikely he'll be able to get hold of any more.

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