To think a man being expected to buy an engagement ring is an outdated tradition

(117 Posts)
kim147 Fri 06-Jun-14 19:41:22

Inspired by the dating thread and the Archers. A ring is lovely,looks beautiful and is something to show people. But is the expectation that your fiance buys one outdated? Why should a man spend a months pay on a ring for you? Especially if you've not brought a drink for him. grin

fluffyraggies Fri 06-Jun-14 19:43:46

I think the expectation is outdated now. I imagine most couples these days have to think carefully before spending great sums of cash.

For those that can afford it easily it's just a nice tradition.

LastTango Fri 06-Jun-14 19:45:02

He bought mine..........I bought his. Even Stevens smile

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 06-Jun-14 19:45:17

The month's salary is bollocks made up by De Beers. I think it's nice to have an engagement ring as a gift. I think it's mean if men don't get something nice to mark the occasion.

TheLovelyBoots Fri 06-Jun-14 19:48:01

I suspect that by the time most couples are becoming engaged, their finances are co-mingled to the point where who actually buys it is a formality.

But really, why not? You wear your engagement ring for a lifetime, it's a nice sentiment.

Yes, the expectation is dated, and as testing says, not even a particularly long-standing tradition anyway.

I think it's mean if men don't get something nice to mark the occasion hmm

We bought a car instead, I already had diamonds. He got me an eternity ring after 10 years. I think he was waiting to see if I was a keeper. grin

melissa83 Fri 06-Jun-14 19:50:38

I had a decent engagement ring but dh has got a property, and a provider for life out of me so think hes done alright out of it

OublietteBravo Fri 06-Jun-14 19:51:05

My engagement ring is my grandmothers. I'm amazed at how many people find this weird.

FraidyCat Fri 06-Jun-14 19:51:25

From Wikipedia, my bold.

In 1938, the diamond cartel De Beers began a marketing campaign that would have a major impact on engagement rings. During the Great Depression of the 1930s, the price of diamonds collapsed. At the same time, market research indicated that engagement rings were going out of style with the younger generation. While the first phase of the marketing campaign consisted of market research, the advertising phase began in 1939. One of the first elements of this campaign was to educate the public about the 4 Cs (cut, carats, color, and clarity). In 1947 the slogan, "A Diamond is Forever," was introduced. Ultimately, the De Beers campaign sought to persuade the consumer that an engagement ring is indispensable, and that a diamond is the only acceptable stone for an engagement ring. The campaign was very successful. In 1939 only 10% of engagement rings had diamonds. By 1990, 80% did

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_ring

Writerwannabe83 Fri 06-Jun-14 19:57:34

Where's everyone's sense of romance??

Of course a woman should be given an expensive sparkly ring!!!! grin

Busymumto3dc Fri 06-Jun-14 19:59:12

I got a ring

I asked if he wanted one too

He didn't

LoveSardines Fri 06-Jun-14 20:00:04

Yes of course it is outdated.

What are engagement rings even for, what do they denote? In that the woman wears one but the man doesn't, traditionally?

I got one and DH got one too grin

I've heard a suggestion that, if the man didn't follow through, at least the woman had something of financial value.

I've no idea if that's proper history or just conjecture, though.

Men didn't used to wear wedding rings, even. I know a few who still don't.

weegiemum Fri 06-Jun-14 20:05:03

I've got a nice cubic Zircona ring that cost £27.

Doesn't need to be expensive, but I'm glad I have it!

Horopu Fri 06-Jun-14 20:05:28

When my husband accepted my proposal 20 years ago we went halves on an engagement ring for me, he didn't want anything. We bought each others' wedding rings. The cost of all of them together wasn't a month's salary for either of us. At the time we were not living together or financially linked in any way.

For our wedding we picked the traditions we liked and ditched the ones we didn't want.

Preciousbane Fri 06-Jun-14 20:06:09

I did get a lovely engagement ring, I took him on a surprise holiday.

We've both got rings. He actually remembers to wear his, too (unlike me).

wobblyweebles Fri 06-Jun-14 20:16:24

Yes it's outdated, along with waiting for the man to propose.

fluffyraggies Fri 06-Jun-14 20:17:51

Interesting about the recent history of diamonds being the stone of choice in engagement rings.

My engagement ring cost DH a fair bit, but the main stone is not a diamond, it's a AAA tanzanite surrounded by diamonds. Beautiful and eye catching. And not the norm against a wedding band. I get lots of lovely comments and it is dearer to me than the wedding band actually, as DH spent allot of time and thought on it smile

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 06-Jun-14 20:19:32

Aren't most traditions outdated in one way or another.

Engagement rings are fairly harmless.

You don't have to have one. Nor do you have to wait for the man to propose. Some choose to though, because they like those particular traditions. I don't see the problem.

LoveSardines Fri 06-Jun-14 20:23:31

Depends on what it signifies though.

I had a quick google but no joy.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 06-Jun-14 20:25:57

I have often wondered why engagement rings are generally the more "impressive" of the two rings women wear. To my mind it would make more sense for the wedding ring to be so.

But y'know...I'll happily wear the sparkly engagement ring, a cross to bear grin

superram Fri 06-Jun-14 20:27:04

I love mine but am too fat to wear it. I bought us a picture of the proposal spot.

pissovski Fri 06-Jun-14 20:27:27

When DH and I got engaged, I got a ring (sapphire main stone with 2 (smaller) diamonds either side) I bought DH a 'posh' watch, which he still loves.

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